Anyone have a MIL who hates you for no reason?

[Anonymous]

I mean really, no reason at all? If you are a DIL who never did anything negative, never told MIL off (like you wanted to!), was always was pleasant and polite....and the ILs hated you because you were just so different from them...and they take it as personal affront?

[Anonymous]

My mother hates my sister-in-law because:

1. although she converted, she's not "really" Jewish
2. she is very extroverted and we come from introverted people, so my mother views her as vain. SIL was raised that when she walks into a room, everyone wants to hear what she has to say and thinks, while we were raised to never attract any attention to ourselves
3. SIL doesn't seek out my mother's advice and doesn't take the advice that is given
4. SIL has a lot of different ways of doing things than our family. Many of them are better, and some are simply just different. To my mother though, they're wrong
5. My mom believes my SIL taught my brother to be a snob and elitist (that one's true).

[Anonymous]

That's me. Parents always wanted me to date their sons, so of course my actual MIL doesn't like me. I took her son away, which was unpopular,. He also somewhat deliberately chose someone who was nothing like his mother - either physically or by personality - so we don't get each other at all.

I tried really hard at first but was kind of taken aback by her constant digs and coldness. No one can point to anything I did, and I definitely have tried to see what I might have done wrong. My reaction to her nastiness was to become almost too pleasant and polite, in a way I could imagine being kind of annoying. But I couldn't either tell her off or just stop trying, so it was the best I could do. I also was pretty hurt by it, so I didn't quite know what to do.

DH has now accepted that his mom is an alcoholic who probably also has narcissistic personality disorder. He also gets that she is awful to me, so I am not required to try anymore. That helps, and I now am just amused by her insults (to me - I get more protective of DH and his younger brother). I'll never tell her off, and she'll never be nice to me. It is what it is, but it took a long time to get to the point that it wasn't really hurtful.

[Anonymous]

My MIL doesn't like me but doesn't like anyone. She talks bad about her own husband and has very few friends. Her only friends live in other states. She has a hard time getting along with others and worships her daughter. Her daughter can do no wrong and both are very mean people. They make fun of poor people for example. My MIL has trained my SIL that she deserves an ivy league educated man and someone from a wealthy family.

[Anonymous]

My MIL doesn't like me because I'm of a different race and culture from her family's. I've always been completely sweet with her, and have smilingly tolerated her tormenting and scheming against me for years. She'll never accept me, and I don't care.

As my husband's therapists have pointed out to him, in spite of all the years he spent trying to please her, (an impossible task, and at my expense), the fact is that he loves that I'm her opposite in many positive ways. I'm freedom and light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother hates my sister-in-law because:

1. although she converted, she's not "really" Jewish
2. she is very extroverted and we come from introverted people, so my mother views her as vain. SIL was raised that when she walks into a room, everyone wants to hear what she has to say and thinks, while we were raised to never attract any attention to ourselves
3. SIL doesn't seek out my mother's advice and doesn't take the advice that is given
4. SIL has a lot of different ways of doing things than our family. Many of them are better, and some are simply just different. To my mother though, they're wrong
5. My mom believes my SIL taught my brother to be a snob and elitist (that one's true).

Mother in laws should not give unsolicited advice, and they should not expect to be asked for advice

[Anonymous]

My MIL doesn't hate me (I don't think) but there is no intimacy there. Whereas she's a conservative Southern Christian, I'm a DC native yogi - I don't think I'm who she envisioned for her son. She's generally angry and closed off, so I don't take it personally. I actually like her a lot, but I don't see us as ever being close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother hates my sister-in-law because:

1. although she converted, she's not "really" Jewish
2. she is very extroverted and we come from introverted people, so my mother views her as vain. SIL was raised that when she walks into a room, everyone wants to hear what she has to say and thinks, while we were raised to never attract any attention to ourselves
3. SIL doesn't seek out my mother's advice and doesn't take the advice that is given
4. SIL has a lot of different ways of doing things than our family. Many of them are better, and some are simply just different. To my mother though, they're wrong
5. My mom believes my SIL taught my brother to be a snob and elitist (that one's true).

Mother in laws should not give unsolicited advice, and they should not expect to be asked for advice

Yes, well. My mom has a fantasy that everything in her life is the stereotype. So she really wants my SIL to call her for advice to ask what her new husband likes to eat for dinner so my mother can give some special recipe (of course leaving out an ingredient or two so my mom's will always taste better). My mother will never change. It's sad, but we all (including my father) just work around her. We yes her to her face, and then do whatever we're going to do.

[Anonymous]

My ILs look down on me because I don't come from money. Even though their (actually MIL's truly) money is really no more, but the vestige of coming from money. I think I'm also a little too close to off the boat for them since my parents were first generation born in the US whereas they trace their roots to the Mayflower.

It's also somehow my fault we live in DC rather than on the West Coast despite the fact that I moved here for my husband who already had a job in the area. I am not from here originally nor do I have any family nearby.

So it's nothing I've done, and nothing I can change to make it better.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but this question is ridiculous.

IF your MIL "hates you" (which you cannot know is true unless sh told you so) than she clearly has her reasons (though they may not be obvious to you.)

Possible reasons why you think your MIL hates you:
1. She has a drastically different communication style that you are no used to
2. She is trying to give you space and not be the "pushy" stereotypical MIL, and is just doing a bad job of it
3. She thinks you hate her.
4. You just don't have a lot in common.
5. She is having a hard time adjusting tot he fact that she is not and never again will be the most important person in her son's life.

Possible reasons she might actually dislike you:
1. You inadvertently or purposefully make her feel excluded from things she would enjoy
2. You make comments about how "weird" or even "wrong" her family is and/or the way she raised her son.
3. You encourage your husband to avoid interactions with her.
4. You keep her away from her son/grandchildren.
5. Your are snobby or bitchy.
6. Your life choices conflict with her belief system.

Your MIL does not "hate you" for "no reason."

Why don't you have a conversation with her?

[Anonymous]

I think by "no reason" the OP probably is talking about cultural differences, not that the OP has done something wrong. You can feel you're being pleasant and nice and just acting the normal way for your culture, and your in-laws can see it as offensive. Unless you marry into the exact same culture and class and region that you came from, you'll find this happens to varying degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but this question is ridiculous.

IF your MIL "hates you" (which you cannot know is true unless sh told you so) than she clearly has her reasons (though they may not be obvious to you.)

Possible reasons why you think your MIL hates you:
1. She has a drastically different communication style that you are no used to
2. She is trying to give you space and not be the "pushy" stereotypical MIL, and is just doing a bad job of it
3. She thinks you hate her.
4. You just don't have a lot in common.
5. She is having a hard time adjusting tot he fact that she is not and never again will be the most important person in her son's life.

Possible reasons she might actually dislike you:
1. You inadvertently or purposefully make her feel excluded from things she would enjoy
2. You make comments about how "weird" or even "wrong" her family is and/or the way she raised her son.
3. You encourage your husband to avoid interactions with her.
4. You keep her away from her son/grandchildren.
5. Your are snobby or bitchy.
6. Your life choices conflict with her belief system.

Your MIL does not "hate you" for "no reason."

Why don't you have a conversation with her?

MIL, is that you? You just proved the entire point of this thread!

And who on earth "keeps their husband away"? You sound absurd. DH is a grown adult, who made his own way, and has a dwindling sense of obligation to you, because he sees your negativity, favoritism, fear of change, self indulgent and self serving ways, cold, bitter, jealous, depressed, anxious self as less and less appealing. I can't imagine why. :sarcasm:

[Anonymous]

MIL does not act (key word here) supportive of me because she sees my being opposite her as a personal attack of some sort.

DH married opposite MIL for many, many damn good reasons.

[Anonymous]

My mother hates my wife for no sane reason (although I'm sure that she has one ... or a dozen ... in her head). My wife has never said one negative word to my mother. Not once. How bad is it? My parents have never even seen their three year old grandchild purely because my mother refuses to be anywhere near my wife. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Mine doesn't like me bc I am progressive in my social views and not religious. She even said on Facebook that she missed his ex! I used to be very kind and outgoing toward her and made sure my partner did things for Mother's Day and her birthday. I do not go out of my way for her any longer.