DH says "no romance until the children are grown".

[Anonymous]

My husband won't sleep with me, won't take me on dates, and won't even happily go on family outings unless it is to the playground with a bunch of other families. He no longer sleeps in the same bed with me. He asked startled when I try to hold his hand. Says he is "getting sick" when I ask to kiss other than a peck. He is a great dad, very involved and very helpful around the house. When we were dating he used to be adventurous, went to see music, went out to festivals etc. When I ask him why he doesn't want to do anything romantic anymore he says "we have kids there is no romance." This makes me sad and angry and feel like it is going to be a long 20 years until the kids leave home. For instance today is a beautiful day, I suggedted we go enjoy the sun as a family and he says he can't because he needs to mop the floor. Really?

[Anonymous]

He’s just not that into you. It’s really sad. When the kids are grown he’s going to leave. You should seek counseling now.

[Anonymous]

Why not offer to help clean so you can get outside?

[Anonymous]

BTW, I say that as a wife who feels that “romance” will be limited while the kids are young - but I don’t try to avoid my spouse. I LOVE spending time with my DH and jump at any opportunity to do so, even if they are few and far between.

[Anonymous]

I do offer to clean and do clean. There are certain things that he won't let me do because he thinks I don't do as good of a job as him. Mopping is one. Loading the dishwasher is another.

[Anonymous]

I asked that we get counseling. He says we can't afford it and that I am "bullying" him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband won't sleep with me, won't take me on dates, and won't even happily go on family outings unless it is to the playground with a bunch of other families. He no longer sleeps in the same bed with me. He asked startled when I try to hold his hand. Says he is "getting sick" when I ask to kiss other than a peck. He is a great dad, very involved and very helpful around the house. When we were dating he used to be adventurous, went to see music, went out to festivals etc. When I ask him why he doesn't want to do anything romantic anymore he says "we have kids there is no romance." This makes me sad and angry and feel like it is going to be a long 20 years until the kids leave home. For instance today is a beautiful day, I suggedted we go enjoy the sun as a family and he says he can't because he needs to mop the floor. Really?

Something about this feels like a hoax. VERY odd if true. Need major therapy pronto if this is not some kind of troll. Red flags flying wildly.

[Anonymous]

If you're being truthful about your genders here, are you 100% sure he's straight? Any other red flags?

[Anonymous]

Is he very involved around the house or is he shouldering a huge amout of the burden? That would leave me without energy for romance? Are you demanding about a particular standard of cleanliness?

[Anonymous]

He either is not that into you, is impotent, gay, or has an infectious disease he does not want to spread to you. None of these bodes well for you.

[Anonymous]

You should see a therapist on your own, even if he won't go. I am not trying to be mean, but I agree with the PP who suggested he may not be straight.

[Anonymous]

Do you know what your Love Language is? Do you know what his is?

[Anonymous]

Ultimatum time. He's breaking his vows. No one can be expected to maintain a good marriage without, bonding affection and displays of love. Tell him something needs to change or you're done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're being truthful about your genders here, are you 100% sure he's straight? Any other red flags?

+1

This kind of behavior is not uncommon when the genders are reversed, but really uncommon when it's as OP posted.

Regardless of gender, you don't to unilaterally withdraw from the marriage. I would tell the spouse that he/she needs to be invested in the romantic part of the relationship or you are going to look for it outside of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He either is not that into you, is impotent, gay, or has an infectious disease he does not want to spread to you. None of these bodes well for you.

Vote for gay, gay, gay.