to sell or to rent? tricky situation fiscal/emotional issues

[Anonymous]

A bit long, but details are important. I need thoughts and impressions as well as facts from anyone who has made this kind of choice.

House is in Kensington. Separating/divorcing, but the selling of the house is to escape out of what I consider to be "only a matter of time" losing the house. This month will be the first missed mortgage ever. Credit has held steady despite huge credit card debt. Husband developed expensive addiction and helped run us into what looks to me like inevitable financial ruin. And he continues to underearn, and be an addict. He could pull forth more earning potential if his career jumpstarts work, But I have my reasons for doubt. I have to start over because I ran all the details of his business- didnt have own source of income.

I convinced him to sell the house was the only way to recover what little equity we have and pay off all the debts and start over. We would have to sell at somewhat below value because it needs some repairs, nothing major, but we are broke and cant afford anything. The house has such potential, we did do alot of work on it.

I feel like getting out of this house is important for me because he had become abusive and the house is filled with some bad memories. Our daughter was sad at first, but is ready to move. We will move in with family.

MY QUESTION: Would renting be a feasible way to retain the house? Im just sitting here with boxes, packing up 20 years of life in an utter state of disbelief at my husbands decline and what has come of it, and Ive resigned myself to what is to come. But maybe, just maybe, its SMART to retain a property in Kensington if at all possible. The market should improve over time and maybe we could afford the repairs down the line, and sell at a higher value later. Or keep it.

My husband has become an unbelievably nasty piece of work, narcissistic, completely in denial about the nightmare he has become, nasty to our kid, manipulative etc. Being financially liquidated from him in this way would be great.

But I just dont want to make a mistake selling the only thing I have part ownership over that has real value, esp. considering I have to start over at age 46.

There are no clearcut answers here, I just have noone I can talk to about this, and I am hoping someone here has some experience, etc. Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

i think it is incredibly clear that you should SELL. cut the tie both financially and emotionally as well as the need to be involved with him on a constant basis making decisions for a rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think it is incredibly clear that you should SELL. cut the tie both financially and emotionally as well as the need to be involved with him on a constant basis making decisions for a rental.

OP here. Yes, true. The reality is I would be doing all the work while he is off in lala land. Thats been the case for a while. The only advantage of that is that it would be me handling the rental. know its just nuts. My main reason for leaving was to protect my daughter and myself, once it all became clear what I was dealing with. The house and money didnt matter. Still kind of doesnt, but its still a house in a neighborhood unlikely to decline, and maybe some of the hassle of retaining it is worth it.

Besides, daughter is 8, so I have 10 more years of ties to him at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

But if you're divorcing, you need to sever the financial ties - the house would have to be split, right, or you'd have to buy him out? If you're broke, how could you buy him out?

Or are you thinking you'd retain the house, manage it, and once the house was sold (down the line) you'd give him the proceeds he'd be due as of this year?

I feel like you aren't thinking this through clearly and dispassionately and as you're packing you're having remorse, regret, and grief at how things have turned out.

It's possible retaining the house might might financial sense. But right now you're not making this argument from a place where you've run numbers and scenarios - you're making an emotional argument, based on bad emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But if you're divorcing, you need to sever the financial ties - the house would have to be split, right, or you'd have to buy him out? If you're broke, how could you buy him out?

Or are you thinking you'd retain the house, manage it, and once the house was sold (down the line) you'd give him the proceeds he'd be due as of this year?

I feel like you aren't thinking this through clearly and dispassionately and as you're packing you're having remorse, regret, and grief at how things have turned out.

It's possible retaining the house might might financial sense. But right now you're not making this argument from a place where you've run numbers and scenarios - you're making an emotional argument, based on bad emotions.

The only numbers I have not run are the numbers entailed with selling the house at a higher value down the line. If you have actual advice on that regard I would love to hear it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But if you're divorcing, you need to sever the financial ties - the house would have to be split, right, or you'd have to buy him out? If you're broke, how could you buy him out?

Not true. Divorced parties can co-own property as long as they choose to.

[Anonymous]

How does market rent compare to your mortgage payment (PITI)? Are you handy such that you could do minor repairs yourself? Alternatively, could your ex help in that regard?

If you choose to do the rental you could always negotiate a management agreement with him give you the authority to make certain decisions on the rental. You could, perhaps, ask for a slightly larger split of the rental income (55%/45%) in exchange for managing the rental.

[Anonymous]

Is he staying or you fully separating? If neither of you can afford the house on your own, then sell.

[Anonymous]

Sell unless you can afford to buy him out. Cut the financial ties now.

[Anonymous]

Sell. Sell. Sell. Now is not the time for you to decide to become a real estate investor. Now is the time to run as far away as you can and set up a stable life for you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand your dilemma. If the divorce were amicable, and you were able to work out an arrangement where you rent the house until you have enough money to buy out your DH's half of the house AT ITS CURRENT VALUE, then it might make sense to retain the house.
But given what you've said about your DH's addiction, ruinous financial behavior, nastiness, etc., you would be insane to remain in a financial arrangement with him!!
It may not make financial sense to sell, but emotionally, it makes all the sense in the world. And in the long run, wouldn't he sabotage your attempt to hold onto your joint asset? If it increases in value over time, he's not likely to agree to take half its current value (if you can even figure that our without selling it).
Agree with pps: sell, sell, sell!! Cut your losses and move on.

[Anonymous]

SELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Cut your financial ties with this sick man.
It will be a monkey off your back!
I wish all the best of luck in getting yourself and your daughter to a new season of peace and joy.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. OMG, my exchange with him (not about the house but visitation) yielded new lows in his outlook and treatment and communication. I got my answer. He cannot be trusted even a tiny bit.

Ive made progress packing today and feel loads better. I know I am doing the right thing getting away from him. The house is essentially nothing but a ball and chain. Thanks for letting me share and re-affirm what I knew before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone. OMG, my exchange with him (not about the house but visitation) yielded new lows in his outlook and treatment and communication. I got my answer. He cannot be trusted even a tiny bit.

Ive made progress packing today and feel loads better. I know I am doing the right thing getting away from him. The house is essentially nothing but a ball and chain. Thanks for letting me share and re-affirm what I knew before.

Glad to hear this. Good luck to you. It sounds like you have thought this through and know what you need to do.

Keep going and don't look back!

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say good luck. I bet you'll be surprised at how much easier your life is without someone else dragging you down. It might take a year or two, but you'll get back up on your feet and you still have a long life ahead of you. Might as well enjoy it with people who bring you happiness, health and enrich your time.