Would You Use This Name?

[Anonymous]

Would you use a baby name that someone else used if the other people were not friends but relatives of friends? This is the story... Our good friends nephew was born in December. His parents used the name we had selected as our boy name. We know the new parents but they are not our friends. Their brother and his wife are our good friends.

So, since this was a name we had selected back in October is it ok to use it or will it look like we stole their name? Our kids most likely will never meet or anything but I really cringe at the thought of these people thinking we took their name. Am I worrying about something stupid? On one hand I feel like it shouldn't matter but on the other hand I feel like I need to select a new name.

The meaning of the name is very special to me and I really had my heart set on it for a boy. Would you just use it anyway?

[Anonymous]

Use it. THey don't own the name.

When your baby is born, explain to your good friends that you had chosen the name a long time ago, and it's such coincidence that their relatives used it as well. No apologies necessary, because you are doing nothing wrong.

Once your baby is born and there's a person to go along with the name, you will not think of it as "their" name. You will think of it as your child's name.

[Anonymous]

Use the name. Nobody owns it. If you don't, you may end up resenting these people for a long time--and you're going to be needing that emotional energy for other things like resenting your MIL for taking over your child's birthday party.

Tell your friends exactly what you've written here. I'm sure they'll understand.

[Anonymous]

I would use the name. At the time you heard of the name you may have said "oh that is a name we have considered if we were to ever have a son" etc. but really, as much as anyone things the name they pick out for their child is "original" there are not too many "original" names out there, unless of course you want to go the "moon unit zappa" route.

[Anonymous]

Use it. We did something similar. Our daughter has an unusual name, something you just don't hear everyday but is important to us because it comes from our family history. A colleague coincidentally named her daughter the very same thing before we named ours. We have no idea why -- if it also was for family history or she somehow learned of the name through literature -- but we didn't let it stop us. People who knew us well enough to ask how we came up with the name were told the reason and we bet it was quickly spread through the grapevine that we had a longstanding, historical reason. We figure people had at some point also asked her the same thing and she had some reason special to her as well. Colleague moved on to another company and children have never met.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. In the grand scheme of things, what would it matter even if there were 100 little "joeys" or whatever running around locally? Use what you love.

[Anonymous]

It is much trickier if the person is a reasonably close relative. But, here, you are totally in the clear. I write this as somebody whose SISTER stole both of my names (first and middle) and just switched the order. Everybody knew we had the name picked out but told me at the time to get over it because I didn't have the baby first. I mention this to say I have a lot of sympathy for the "victims" of name-stealing, and you would get a complete pass from me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is much trickier if the person is a reasonably close relative. But, here, you are totally in the clear. I write this as somebody whose SISTER stole both of my names (first and middle) and just switched the order. Everybody knew we had the name picked out but told me at the time to get over it because I didn't have the baby first. I mention this to say I have a lot of sympathy for the "victims" of name-stealing, and you would get a complete pass from me.

Did you still use the name you wanted?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Our DDs have names from my DH's side of the family instead. I still get mad at my sister and mother when I think about it, but I don't look at either of my DDs and think, "I wish you were named X instead of Y." One of my DH's cousins used the same name we did (kid was born about 3 weeks after ours), but we call our kid a nickname so we don't care. MY DH is a III and everybody in the family waited until we were done before using DH's name (guess they thought we might have #IV; DH was dead set against using it!).

[Anonymous]

OP here, Thanks everyone! I feel so much better now about using "the name". We figured it was ok to use it but really didn't want to come off as a copy cat or like I took it from them. It's a semi-common name and I do not know any kids with the name.

The meaning of the name is very special to use because it has to do with something my deceased FIL would have loved. I am deeply attached to them name because of this.

Thank you all again for making me see no one owns the name!!

[Anonymous]

I would use it.

I had my daughter's name picked out many, many years ago - it's a name I've always liked. I'm now finding out that it's more popular than I realized (not top 10, but seems to be top 50) but oh well, I still like it.

My daughter's middle name is that of my deceased mom, and I'd long planned to use it as well. My brother's wife had a baby 4 months before I did and used it as her daughter's first name, but I gave it to my daughter as a middle name anyway. (it's also the name of a cousin, who I believe was also named after my mom.) No biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use the name. Nobody owns it. If you don't, you may end up resenting these people for a long time--and you're going to be needing that emotional energy for other things like resenting your MIL for taking over your child's birthday party.

Tell your friends exactly what you've written here. I'm sure they'll understand.

Yeesh, I'll have a brand new baby and a 2nd bday party to plan soon. I think I might pay my MIL to plan the party because in my case in might not get planned! I would certainly be annoyed though if she just assumed she could plan it!

[zumbamama]

If you love the name that much ... yes, use it! My very close friend named her DC something very close to my DC's name—it is one letter off from being the same. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

If you love the name, use it! I was the other mom in a similar situation. While pg I wouldn't tell anyone my son's intended name, but as soon as he was born, everyone at my office found out when my boss sent an update. When I returned to work 3 months later, I was thrilled to see one of my colleagues - who I knew, but not well - was pregnant. She knew it was a boy but didn't tell me the intended name, and after he was born I found our sons share the same first name. In our case, she even uses the same common nickname, and both our kids are in the same daycare. It doesn't bother me a bit! I love my son's name, and if she does too, why should I care?

[Anonymous]

Good friends took our name. Used it anyway. Some people are not in your life forever. Some are. Moral of the story: do not tell anyone your baby name/s unless you are willing to share it.