Can He Grow on Me??

[Anonymous]

I have been dating this new guy for about a little over a month.

While he is not an unattractive person, he is also not really my "physical" type. Meaning I usually do not date men who look like him.

He has a cute face, but has a round belly. He also doesn't clip his nails short like I like on a man, but he doesn't have talons either.

Anyway, things have been progressing nicely so far. We go out to dinner, see movies and hang out at my house playing board games.

He is very funny which is a huge trait I love in a man. Nothing is sexier to me than a man who can make me laugh. In fact, a sense of humor is on my top three list for a man.

(The others are integrity and good character, of course.)

He also treats me excellent, has a stable job/career and has told his friends and family about us.

The sex is mediocre at best, but we haven't dated long enough for me to really give that a fair rating. Stay tuned...



Anyway, my question is this:

Has anyone ever grown to be physically attracted to someone in time? For example, when you first meet someone, you think to yourself, "This person is really nice and fun to be around, however physically they are just not my type."

Yet, because they are decent to you and you like being around them a lot, you give it some time. And then with time, you end up growing physically attracted to them either by getting used to how they look or just by the great characteristics they have.

I want to make this relationship work because he really is the best guy I have ever dated, yet sadly I was more physically attracted to the scum bags I have dated prior.

By the way, we are both in our early 40's.

Thank you for your input.

[Anonymous]

No, not really. I tried once, but I had been in love before that guy and also very attracted to past boyfriends, and I never EVER looked at that guy and felt... Happy. Excited. Even at the beginning. I pretty much had to rationalize a bit every time I looked at him and I realized it wasn't fair to him or me and broke it off. Some people don't care as much about strong physical connections and good sex, but I did. I'm very glad I held out for connection AND values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anyway, my question is this:

Has anyone ever grown to be physically attracted to someone in time? For example, when you first meet someone, you think to yourself, "This person is really nice and fun to be around, however physically they are just not my type."

Absolutely. In my many years of life I have noted that the attractiveness of an individual can grow, and can actually move the other direction, as you get to know them. And taking your ''physically attracted to'' to mean sexually attracted to the dynamics there are more than just what you see on the surface. A mature sexual attraction goes beyond that.

[Anonymous]

some men are show'ers and some are grow'ers just give it some time

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I've found that some of the least attractive people are physically beautiful.

Looks will fade. Most people gain weight as they age and if you're both in your 40s, he's not going to get ripped anytime soon. You said its only been a month and things are going well- I say keep moving on that path. If he's a great guy and the sex gets better, I think you'd be a fool for kicking him to the curb because he doesn't look like "your type".

No offense but you're 40 and single. Maybe your picker's been off. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Yes definitely! When I met my DH, I wasn't interested at first because he was not the type I usually was attracted to. He's a good looking guy... just not really who I had typically dated in the past. But he pursued me pretty hard and once we started hanging out, I grew more and more attracted to him. Our personalities are so in sync with one another and we are very happy years later. I am so glad I took the time to get to know him but I would have never looked twice at him at a party or something.
Also for what it is worth, my grandmother always said every woman should end up with a man who wants her more than she wants him. She believed it ended up in a happier long term marriage. I have no idea if that's true but they had a very happy 65 years together so maybe there is something to it!

[Anonymous]

Yes. For a sweet and funny example that I thought rang pretty true, watch the movie "Enough Said." I think it's been running on HBO lately. Exactly what you're talking about--40 somethings, witty, the guy is pudgy.

We're not each others' physical type, but mentally and emotionally we're hot hot hot together, and that lights things up for us physically. As long as you're not starting out physically repulsed, you should give it a chance. And nails can be cut, and maybe do some active things together that get him in better shape.

[Anonymous]

If he looks like Eminem, keep him.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it can happen, but you have to be open to it. That said, the guy you find hot now may not look the same in ten or twenty years. Looks are temporary, personality is forever. If her makes you laugh and your guys are otherwise compatible, give it a fair chance. Even sex can be improved, but personality is pretty hardwired.

[Anonymous]

Yes, married 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he looks like Eminem, keep him.

[Anonymous]

He has a cute face, but has a round belly. He also doesn't clip his nails short like I like on a man, but he doesn't have talons either

okay, nails, easy. Unless he has a strong desire for longer nails, it may just not be on his radar.

newsflash about the round b elly: this can come and go. he might lose weight and get in shape if motivated. but more likely, the hot guy you might date now will get a soft round belly after you get married (like mine did). Or, god forbid, your own body might change.

the bigger issue for me is the sex. see if that can be improved. otherwise he sounds pretty nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating this new guy for about a little over a month.

While he is not an unattractive person, he is also not really my "physical" type. Meaning I usually do not date men who look like him.

He has a cute face, but has a round belly.

So she's dating Buddha...

[Anonymous]

As long as you are sexually compatible, then it can work. But only if you both like the same things in the bedroom and you can communicate your wants and needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I've found that some of the least attractive people are physically beautiful.

Looks will fade. Most people gain weight as they age and if you're both in your 40s, he's not going to get ripped anytime soon. You said its only been a month and things are going well- I say keep moving on that path. If he's a great guy and the sex gets better, I think you'd be a fool for kicking him to the curb because he doesn't look like "your type".

No offense but you're 40 and single. Maybe your picker's been off. Just sayin'.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I do not like women who spend tons of time on hair, makeup, clothes. I like glasses and slight nerdiness, which is the person I married. Then you have the poster with the schlumpy guy. He doesn't sound like a gym rat but obviously they have something going!