Can He Grow on Me??

[Anonymous]

While he may be "OK" now, and doesn't repulse you, in the future when things aren't going so well how will you feel then? When you hit those little bumps in the road, your lack of attraction now will be devastating to the relationship. Let him go find someone who does find him attractive, someone who will love him, which isn't you.

If he really is a nice guy, he deserves better.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfect example of how guys really need to put in the effort to put their best self out there. Women too. Don't risk losing a great person just because you are too lazy to get your self physically together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes definitely! When I met my DH, I wasn't interested at first because he was not the type I usually was attracted to. He's a good looking guy... just not really who I had typically dated in the past. But he pursued me pretty hard and once we started hanging out, I grew more and more attracted to him. Our personalities are so in sync with one another and we are very happy years later. I am so glad I took the time to get to know him but I would have never looked twice at him at a party or something.
Also for what it is worth, my grandmother always said every woman should end up with a man who wants her more than she wants him. She believed it ended up in a happier long term marriage. I have no idea if that's true but they had a very happy 65 years together so maybe there is something to it!

Same here. My DH is very handsome but a blond all American type which was never the type I usually dated. He grew on me and we've been together for 28 yrs.

[Anonymous]

This was me and my DH. But he ended up getting in shape and is super successful. So happy I didn't rule him out for superficial reasons.

[Anonymous]

Good men deserve better than a superficial woman who isn't attracted to him, but just likes how nice he is. You're taking advantage of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me and my DH. But he ended up getting in shape and is super successful. So happy I didn't rule him out for superficial reasons.

Did you also have a problem with his grooming? Was the sex mediocre? Sometimes I think people say 'me too' on stuff like this, but they were in a better place attraction-wise than the OP seems to be.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the "he can grow on you" camp (it's happened to me), but I probably wouldn't have had sex with him until he had. Otherwise, the sex is kind of destined to be mediocre because of the preconceived notions you had going into it.

[Anonymous]

The only way to differentiate between a lover vs. a friend is physical/sexual attraction (which is the same thing.)

If you are not blown away by his physical self, then you are never going to be happy. You will be forcing yourself to be attracted to him and that is never a good thing. Attraction should never be something that you try to force on yourself. And you should never sit around and wait for him to be attractive to you.

Break up with him. Today.

[Anonymous]

Remember, raw physical attraction and passion tend to diminish with time.

Plenty of hot young guys end up looking not so hot after a few years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember, raw physical attraction and passion tend to diminish with time.

Plenty of hot young guys end up looking not so hot after a few years of marriage.

Right. So imagine how bad it can be after a few years when you never even found them attractive to start with. Seems like a recipe for a future roomer situation to me.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on what fuels your sexuality. Looks aren't a big deal to me. It's brains, personality, passion, and humor that light my fire. It's still going strong, after twenty years, and he's not physically attractive and never was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good men deserve better than a superficial woman who isn't attracted to him, but just likes how nice he is. You're taking advantage of him.

How is she being superficial? If anything she is being the opposite. She values him for his sense of humor and personality. Her concern is about appearance which is what most people consider to be superficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dating this new guy for about a little over a month.

While he is not an unattractive person, he is also not really my "physical" type. Meaning I usually do not date men who look like him.

He has a cute face, but has a round belly. He also doesn't clip his nails short like I like on a man, but he doesn't have talons either.

Anyway, things have been progressing nicely so far. We go out to dinner, see movies and hang out at my house playing board games.

He is very funny which is a huge trait I love in a man. Nothing is sexier to me than a man who can make me laugh. In fact, a sense of humor is on my top three list for a man.

(The others are integrity and good character, of course.)

He also treats me excellent, has a stable job/career and has told his friends and family about us.

The sex is mediocre at best, but we haven't dated long enough for me to really give that a fair rating. Stay tuned...



Anyway, my question is this:

Has anyone ever grown to be physically attracted to someone in time? For example, when you first meet someone, you think to yourself, "This person is really nice and fun to be around, however physically they are just not my type."

Yet, because they are decent to you and you like being around them a lot, you give it some time. And then with time, you end up growing physically attracted to them either by getting used to how they look or just by the great characteristics they have.

I want to make this relationship work because he really is the best guy I have ever dated, yet sadly I was more physically attracted to the scum bags I have dated prior.

By the way, we are both in our early 40's.

Thank you for your input.

Do you have a deep respect for him? Do you value his character, the fundamentals of who he is?

If so, all things are possible.

Married sex, in particular, is about connection. Fun, single person sex is athletic and can be incredible without anything more than opportunity. I joke and say my next husband is going to be a happy fat man. I married an Adonis with anger issues. Beautiful children, thanks, but absolutely no sense of partnership. We both considered a FWB situation after we divorced since neither one of us has moved on to another relationship. But I can't bring myself to sleep with this wildly handsome, sexually talented asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on what fuels your sexuality. Looks aren't a big deal to me. It's brains, personality, passion, and humor that light my fire. It's still going strong, after twenty years, and he's not physically attractive and never was.

I hope you never have told him this.

Yikes...This is the last thing I would want to hear from my S/O.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember, raw physical attraction and passion tend to diminish with time.

Plenty of hot young guys end up looking not so hot after a few years of marriage.

Right. So imagine how bad it can be after a few years when you never even found them attractive to start with. Seems like a recipe for a future roomer situation to me.

Excellent point here. Cannot argue this fundamental fact or logic.