Obsessive Grandparents ( in laws)
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Anonymous
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Ok first let me start off by stating im the STEP father and my wife and I are currently pregnant.
She already has a 6 yr old daughter and ive have been in her life since she was about 2. Now here is the problem, we curently live with her parents and they are ABSOLUTELY and STRANGELY obsessed with my stepdaughter. My wife and I both understand ( to a point) grand parents will spoil kids. however they have taken this to an extreme and have a sense of entitelment beyond belief. They coddle , spoil, and completely turn her daughter into a horrible brat with any and every interaction. Upon searching the internet it seems this is a COMMON problem? for some reason the usual response to this is " grand parents are SUPPOSED to spoil" or it my right as a grand parent". and the best one ive heard so far was " its a grandparents RIGHT to spoil the kids and send them back to parents to deal with the concequesnces." first off where do these people get the nerve? grandparents do not have ANY right , its a privilage. i even heard a parent say i wish my mother acted like that withmy kids? this seems like a parent who is trying to be absent. and before you people start attacking lets give some examples of the behaviour in question so you can see it is not just regular giving a little candy spoiling,. 1) the child is addicted to chocolate milk and chocolate milk is the ONLY thing that she will EAT ( not drink EAT) period. the occasional chicken nugget or potato chip excluded. 2) the child was on a baby bottle till 5 years old- when she was told she would be using big girl cups grand parents said it was " abuse" this was alaso true with her paci which was also used till recently. 3) the child was sleeping EVERY NIGHT between the grandparents in their bed without fail. when my wife and i decided it was time for her to sleep in her own room , they said it was "abuse" to make a 6 yr old sleep in her room, 4) the child is given unhealthy sugary 48 grams of sugar juice at 9pm, and the bed time imposed by mom was not even considered. 5) when the child was forced to sleep in her own bed she did fine no crying nothing,. however the grandfatehr took it upon himself to sneak into her room, grab her in the middle of the night make her sleep with him and bring her back to her room in the morning BEFORE myself or my wife woke up so we wouldnt know. ( we found out cause i woke up early one day) 6) In the morning the grandfather (against the wishes of my wife) decides that during the short time my wife has to get ready, get her daughter ready for school and such he wants to have PLAYTIME at 630 am and casue my wife to be late EVERYday to work since the kid is constantly being harassed by grandpa. 7) when my wife imposes a rule the grandfather begins to yell at her, and make threttening gestures ( i have NEVER been present for this- or he would have been layed out) however it happens.he recently broke his laptop ( baby in the house and all) throwing a tantrum about getting his way with her. ( grandfather is a drunk) 8) the grandparent do anything and everything the chikd asks as if on command LITERALLY.. even to the point my step daughter recenty told me.. "Grandma and grandpa are stupid , and mommy and you are smart" i asked why she says this her response is " they give me everything I want you guys dont" 9) the parents wen on a spending spree for her 6th birthday to excess. the baby shower?" not even a dime or a small level of interest. saem with our wedding ( which we paid for ourselvees) 10)recently my SD apparently learned what a doughnut was, ithout tasting it complained about having one.. good ol grandpa ran to the store at 5 am at her behest and bought her a box. when he got back showed them to her asked her i got you those doughnuts.. her response? i dont want any .. maybe later.. so when she said she was hungry i made her sit and eat a doughnut- she did not like it.. she learned lesson of not asking for things she does not want. - grand father was furious. said we are abusive basically if things arent done HIS way its abuse.. 11) hand child age inappropriate toys.. like bb guns, an acutal GUN SAFE ( you kow cause teaching a child a gun safe is a toy is a great idea ( given the fact i OWN plently of guns that are in safes.. ) hands her glass items, take her on motorcycle rides not moped actual 1000cc motorcycle no helmet and gets upset when told thats innapropriate. got her a dog against our wishes, then wanted to have nothing to do with its care. ( dog is now gone) and this is what people think is appropriate? Grandparents need to learn seeing their grand kids is NOT a right its a privilage. and we are moving shortly( next month ) he will be prohibited from contact with her for a few weeks and there after monitored.. and if he continues to disobey our rules he will be cut off comepletely.. as for MY daughter ( the upcomming baby) he is to have little to no coontact with her. take note grandparetns.. you can spoil a kid A LITTLE give them a littel candy and such but DO NOT OVERSTEP YOUR BOUNDS YOU CAN BE REMOVED FROM TH ECHILDS LIFE IF YOU IMPEDE PROGRESS |
Anonymous
| Move out and take responsibility for your own lives. Problem solved. |
Anonymous
| You need to move out. |
Anonymous
| Yes, I think it's time to move out on your own. That will solve lots of these problems. |
Anonymous
| Very simple solution: move out. The free ride is over. |
Anonymous
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You've been in your step daughter's life since she was 2 and she was using a baby bottle up until age 5?
Were you living with them all this time? If not, you and your wife have been creating and perpetuating the problems. I agree, with other PPs, move out. |
Anonymous
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9:43 here. Just want to add, you need to stop obsessing about each and every little obsessive thing they do and handle the big picture, the root cause of the problem. You're not independent and so they don't get to be the grandparents that spoil without doing harm. Much of the stuff you listed A LOT of grandparents do, but because they are not living in the home and running the home, their influence is somewhat limited.
Move out. |
Anonymous
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FYI - we pay rent, and have a seperate area of the house - it just so happens they have access to it. its not like we are living for free on a "free ride" or have no responsibility.
as i said we make rules granparents ignore them- so we did not perpatuate anything.. i was in the remove the bottel camp since i met her.. and we trued to various time but the grandparents continued to provide behind our backs.. most recently the paci - we took all of them threw them out , she didnt even care. however granpa decided he wanted to make sure, and bought her one and asked her if she wanted it.. ( she said not mommy want em to be a big girl) ..luckly.. |
Anonymous
I get what you're saying, but you really cannot make effective change unless you move out. |
Anonymous
| yeah movi out is happening next month , the post was venting as it seems grandparents think they can do whatever they want.. and need to realize you cant.. parents will remove you from childs life |
Anonymous
Don't make it about revenge and control and resentment. Take care of yourself and your responsibilities. Don't them out of the kids' lives. |
Anonymous
It's not about resentment. i do understand your point. HOWEVER i do not want MY DAUGHTER being treated like this. i find it strange and simply unnaceptable. I have no real say in my stepdaughter but as far as MY own daughter goes , she WILL not be spending much time with them and most certainly never will sleep over there. ( i find it creepy that a grown man wants to sleep with a 6 yr old) in between him and his wife ( knowing what situations happen to men early in the mornign without control) im not comfortabel with it. its odd and bothers me. so NO my daughter will no be spoilled by them .. |
Anonymous
I would find it creepy too. Set your boundaries as needed. |
Anonymous
| I agree it sounds annoying and possibly creepy, but if you and your wife can't put a stop to it and you still live there, you are allowing it to happen. I don't understand how you are living in a supposedly separate area of the house but the grandparents still have so much access to the child. Get your own place and this will no longer be an issue. |
Anonymous
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Are you sure the grandfather is not molesting your step daughter?
Are you really, really sure? |