Anyone have local family and NOT spend Easter/holidays together

[Anonymous]

I've only been married for 5 years so I still can't tell what is the norm with my in laws as far as holidays go - what their traditions were before, what they did maybe because they felt they had to when we first got married and whatever is going on now. Easter - one year we went to a restaurant for brunch, one year when DS was first born, in laws came over and dropped off an Easter basket, the following year they hosted lunch at their house. This year, I hadn't heard anything and ask MIL and she said she isn't planning anything for this year. So instead we were home and they were home but there no plans. I'm not Christian but they are, so I don't think she was expecting me to host, but I think it was so weird that we did nothing. It seems like everyone was spending time with their families and planning big Easter meals either at home or out. Instead we took our son to the park and out to dinner but since DH isn't particularly religious, we didn't really do anything to acknowledge Easter.

On my side of the family, we look for any excuse to get together and celebrate something and my parents find it especially important since I had my son so that he can learn/experience our culture and traditions. Anyway, even though I didn't grow up celebrating Easter I found it odd that we didn't.

[Anonymous]

We were similar this year. DH's family is close but his mom told me she didn't want to do anything this year - we saw them on Saturday. So I planned a little Easter dinner for just our little family and it was ok. But strange not to get together with extended family this year. My family lives further away and we saw them over spring break.

[Anonymous]

I just find it strange not to want to be together as long as people are on decent terms. Even if no one wants to host, you can go to a restaurant, get take out, etc. My MIL seems depressed but my DH seems oblivious and they are not the type of family that discusses anything openly. Lots of sulking or comments months later.

[Anonymous]

Inlaws don't get together on Easter. Too inconvenient for SIL MIL and SIL are almost their own separate little family. They expect us and BIL to hold every weekend in Nov/Dec open until they make plans. Not going to happen. DH and I have decided that we are available either the holiday or the weekend after.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think you shouldn't host? You don't have to be a Christian to host a family get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think you shouldn't host? You don't have to be a Christian to host a family get together.

Because I've always deferred to her on Christian holidays and she has always done "something". I'm happy to host family get together's but I can't even tell if they WANT to get together or do things based on their moods that season. It doesn't seem like they have a specific tradition. If she said she was too tired to do all of the work, I would have suggested a restaurant or our house but she just said "I haven't planned anything this year" and didn't really leave an opening in the conversation for me to ask why or offer a different option. Inlaws always go to church for these holidays but never made their kids go so DH has no inclination to go, or even celebrate the day so it was just another day for us.

[Anonymous]

Yup. And it was great to just take the kids to a friends' house and have a fun, stressfree gathering!

[Anonymous]

DH and I are literally in the middle of our two sets of parents.
We've been married for a long time and for years, we'd split the day with each set of parents. Then babies and a toddler and it got to be crazy with tired kids and lots of driving.

Enough! This year, my ILs had a dinner so DH and I went there but opted not to see my parents who weren't really doing a dinner.

For most holidays now, I insist upon hosting...the grandparents can come to us.

Also nice to celebrate JUST with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've only been married for 5 years so I still can't tell what is the norm with my in laws as far as holidays go - what their traditions were before, what they did maybe because they felt they had to when we first got married and whatever is going on now. Easter - one year we went to a restaurant for brunch, one year when DS was first born, in laws came over and dropped off an Easter basket, the following year they hosted lunch at their house. This year, I hadn't heard anything and ask MIL and she said she isn't planning anything for this year. So instead we were home and they were home but there no plans. I'm not Christian but they are, so I don't think she was expecting me to host, but I think it was so weird that we did nothing. It seems like everyone was spending time with their families and planning big Easter meals either at home or out. Instead we took our son to the park and out to dinner but since DH isn't particularly religious, we didn't really do anything to acknowledge Easter.

On my side of the family, we look for any excuse to get together and celebrate something and my parents find it especially important since I had my son so that he can learn/experience our culture and traditions. Anyway, even though I didn't grow up celebrating Easter I found it odd that we didn't.

Are you Jewish and raising DS Jewish? If so, your MIL might feel like she is forcing the issue by inviting your family to an Easter celebration. I invited my Jewish in-laws to our Christmas dinner and it felt weird because they were very polite but not into it (understandably) like someone who celebrated the holiday. I think your approach of checking with MIL every year is a good one. She might feel up to celebrating with your family next year.

[Anonymous]

If we are all home we absolutely meet. My parents are away on vacation this year so no plans but any year nobody is away on vacation we spend the holidays together, at least one day, usually sunday and monday.

[Anonymous]

It rained at my house so no one came over. We usually grill. Maybe next year. Does it bother me ? No.

[Anonymous]

When my MIL was alive she cared about these things and would try to get everyone together but it wasn't that easy so often didn't happen. We typically do the egg hunt/baskets, go to church, then come home for an Easter brunch with just our family. Some years we've been away for spring break, or have gotten back from spring break the day before so it was very low key. We never did much for Easter when I was growing up beyond the baskets - no special meal that I remember even when we went to the grandparents in FL.

[Anonymous]

My MIL chose to spend her Easter with her(childless) BF and his family and not with any of her grandkids (two sets). But says, 'Oh, I wish I was with you guys today!' We invited her about a month ago. Very, very strange. She skipped Thanksgiving as well.

[Anonymous]

You could have just said, "We're just planning a small, simple dinner on Easter but we'd love for you to join us if you and Jim are available."

[Anonymous]

My family is close enough to get together for holidays but usually doesn't. I'm the only one that has a strong desire for the holiday get togethers, so I host if I want it to happen. It ends up being a rag tag group of family, friends, coworkers, etc. My mom comes sometimes, skips often. Same with my father and sister. It's just not their thing. I do wish that it were different, but my preference is no more right than their preference, so I muddle through with an open invite to all.