Can a sexually less experienced man still be manly?
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Anonymous
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I'm very conflicted. I am dating a new person who seems great on many levels, but right now just average in bed. We are communicating and he's very open and willing to do things my way, which is good. And he's great on all the main points: great character, attractive, very very smart, has a good job, etc. We're both in our early thirties.
I just can't get past the feeling that he's a little more reserved with women and hasn't been that great at getting women in the past, and probably hasn't had a lot of sex. And I wish it didn't make me feel less attracted to him, but it does. I've certainly sown my wild oats and enjoyed it, and the men I am used to are extremely aggressive, experienced, usually have slept with 15-20 women, etc. I just feel like my current boyfriend isn't as much of a "man"....and I feel horrible about it so please don't pile on. I am very confused. |
Anonymous
| Anyone? This is a serious question. |
Anonymous
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Short answer: yes. Manly isn't the number of conquests.
If he doesn't do it for you in the sack and that means a lot to you, dump him and move on. He'd be better off. |
Anonymous
| Tell him you want him to be more aggressive in bed. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like he is too good for you. |
Anonymous
| Yes all that sex stuff can be taught |
Anonymous
| Practice, practice, practice. He could get there. Give gentle guidance as to what you want. |
Anonymous
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I would give him some time...These things do not usually change overnight.
But not too much time. Because some men are just not manly in the same manner as you are used to. And if being manly is a huge factor to you in bed, then this could be a deal-breaker. I used to date a great guy. He treated me well + was a very nice person in many respects, yet like you, he wasn't as manly as my previous partners. He also didn't seem to have much experience and I felt like a porn star compared to him. Needless to say, the sex never got better since changing him was impossible. It's tough to change anyone to meet your standards. So after feeling unsatisfied after numerous sex sessions, I made up an excuse (I felt mean telling him the sex was bad!) and moved on. And I do not look back w/any regrets now. Hope this helps you. |
Anonymous
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Fix him up with some other women so he can get his count up higher.
On a more serious note - I think it's a problem that, culturally, sexual conquest is tied up with notions of masculinity. You wonder why we have such problems with rape and misogyny? That's a huge part of it. If guys didn't think their manhood was tied up in whether, with whom, and with how many they had sex, a lot of problems would disappear. |
Anonymous
| I'd be worried that, the better he gets to know you, the more likely he'll decide you're too slutty. But you can probably break him in a bit more before he dumps you. |
Anonymous
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Some women like dominant men. Despite all of the feminist sayings.
I am a male, and I dont feel particularly dominant. Not submissive either. Just neutral. And I'm fine with that. I also know that a lot of women would lose interest in me for this reason. That's fine too. Just fine someone who is compatible with you. |
Anonymous
| The best sex I ever had was with a guy who was pretty inexperienced. |
Anonymous
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Maybe coming from an introverted guy who has major issues getting laid.
If not, then to answer your question: YES-for the same reason radical feminists think masculinity if defined by a man's sexual exploits, and so rapists make the best boyfriends/husbands 
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Anonymous
*is |
Anonymous
huh? |