Do you feel sad on holidays not celebrating with extended family
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Anonymous
| If you have no local family, and family is too far away to spend holidays with, do you feel sad on holidays that you don't have extended family to celebrate with? I feel sad, and I feel sad for my kids too. My husband works most major holidays, so pre-kids I was alone on holidays, which was depressing, and now with kids I try to find festive things to do/make a nice meal but it still feels lonely. Today DH was working and I took the kids to the park and I saw so many huge extended families having BBQs/picnics and it just made me feel very lonely. Our friends never invite us to their family celebrations/are always busy with their own family celebrations or they travel to see family on holidays. |
Anonymous
| Yes! All the time. I hate them. |
Anonymous
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It's nice that you like your family.
I don't. So I'm always happy when they're not around. |
Anonymous
| Yes, OP, I know exactly what you mean. But take heart: It gets easier as your kids get older, because you realize that even by default, you have established your own traditions. |
Anonymous
| Nope. Doesn't bother me at all. We don't celebrate Easter and don't really care. As far as I'm concerned today is just another Sunday - we'll do a little organizing, cook a nice dinner, do some errands, and get together with some (Jewish) friends. |
Anonymous
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Absolutely, OP. I was just thinking this, as we spent break with my side of the family. The cousins are the same age as me, and their children the same age as mine, and they genuinely love each other's personalities (NOT just because they are cousins). It is amazing to see them pick up where they left off. I loved spending time with people who know me and love me for who I am, not what we can do for them. We can also laugh about our family in good spirits.
Today we are spending with DH's family. Which is fine, they are nice enough; but I know they judge and they are not happy people to begin with. They also like DH and us to join them for a beach week that I hate, in a place and with people who are depressed; and I am feeling that right now. I don't say anything negative about it to DH or DC, because I want them to try to enjoy it. Actually, they are not crazy about it either; especially since we have so little vacation time. Holidays certainly are not the same with DHs family. I try my best to be supportive, and not say anything to DH or DC. I want them to know both sides. But your post is timely, in that there really is nothing like holidays with people who really, truly care about you, and who you can have huge, multiple belly laughs with - and who truly love you! |
Anonymous
| PP here. I forgot to add, DC are getting older and commenting (without any input from me) - how my side of the family is so much more nice, happy and fun. I can't say I am surprised. |
Anonymous
| I just wish someone else was cooking. Would love to just order Chinese or something today. |
Anonymous
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We have both sides of our family here and, frankly, it's kind of a pain in the ass. MIL can't drive and is still (20 years later) green with jealousy at the thought of us spending one extra minute of time with my family. We drove an hour to her house and took her out to brunch and came back to her house to exchange a few presents for Easter. We went to the 2+ hour long Vigil Mass last night to be able to spend the morning with her. We have dinner with my family tonight and an hour drive back to our house and MIL is engineering ways to keep us at her house longer so we will be late to my parents' or not go at all. I swear she invented about 5 things to do or look at that kept us there about another hour. For example, "You know that soap you bought me for Christmas?" "The Dove liquid soap?" "Yes! I love it! Will you put it in my stocking next year?" "Yes. I am glad you like it." "I'll go get it so you know what it looks like." I know what Dove liquid soap looks like. I probably bought it on Amazon so if I don't, I can reorder it, but going to get it to show me the bottle keeps us from seeing my family for 10 more minutes so we have to stand there and wait for her to produce the bottle.
My kids still had not found their Easter baskets at home since we got up so early to get out to her house and take her to brunch and I would like to sit down for a bit and veg out before we go to my family's celebration. And when we go to my family's house, invariably someone will say something that offends my husband so he will likely be pissed off about something on the way home tonight and for the rest of the evening. I would love to go away somewhere for every holiday or just have our family and local friends. |
Anonymous
This is a great way to think about it. 
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Anonymous
this. |
Anonymous
| It's less stressful for me to spend a holiday with just our little family and avoid the drama of extended family so I don't mind at all! I love starting our own traditions as a family |
Anonymous
OP here. But do you/your kids feel lonely not celebrating with extended family? When I was growing up extended family was far away and we only saw them once a year, and I felt it was lonely not being with them on holidays. How do you cope with the loneliness? |
Anonymous
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Lots of people would rather be at home alone than to spend holidays with sad, depressed or argumentative extended family. Make your own traditions, OP. Just because you see extended families everywhere, doesn't mean that they are having drama-free holidays. Lots of people wish they could just stay at home like you and have a nice, relaxing holiday. Large family groups are not necessarily better. |
Anonymous
| Not at all. I love doing our own thing. I never feel lonely with just my immediate family, but I never feel lonely when I'm by myself, either. |