Am I wrong?
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Anonymous
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Husband rarely takes out the trash, even when it's running over. A bag in the trash and a full bag beside it. I am often either taking it out myself or asking him or putting it out in the porch because it's stinking up the house. For the past week I've been sick. There were two garbage bag filled up in the kitchen. I sat one outside for him. He didn't see it. This morning we wake up and a wild animal has taken some of it's contents out of the bag. It could've been worse. I'm very thankful it was only partially strewn about. We both noticed it at the same time, to which I say " I'll take care of it because I sat it out there."
I didn't expect to handle it. I expected him to tell me he would clean it and that the sick mother of his two kids would not have to go out in the cold and pick up garbage. He and my son watched from inside. I know not all families are this way but we have a very traditional approach in our marriage. I feel very much hurt by this for some reason. Had he not been here I would have cleaned it up, no problem. I wouldnot want my son to do this to his wife. Now I'm pretty much giving him the cold shoulder because I feel disrespected by him. I know he would never let his mother or grandmother pick up the trash if the circumstances were the same. |
Anonymous
| How old is your son? Make him take it out. |
Anonymous
| I have a newborn and a two year old |
Anonymous
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In a traditional marriage, men take out the trash, and men take care of the outside of the house, save for gardening. You don't have a traditional marriage, you have a douchebag of a husband.
Stop being passive-aggressive by giving your husband the cold shoulder - put on your big girl panties and be direct and mature. "Steve. I'm sick. When I'm sick, you should do MORE around the house to help me out. Also, in general, when you see something that needs to be done, please do it. Don't just leave it for me." |
Anonymous
| Don't say you'll take care of it when you want him to take care of it. Use your words. "I'm sick - you have to deal with that." Don't say you'll do it if you expect him too, and then get mad because he listened to you. That's just not good. |
Anonymous
| Why couldn't you just ask him? |
Anonymous
That's the thing. He really isn't a douche bag. The trash is really the only thing he neglects. He works a lot of hours and thus doesn't make it a priority as he should. That drives me crazy but having me pick up the trash just seemed wrong. I would feel this way even if I weren't sick. Also I'm never passive aggressive. I'm usually "mouth all mighty". I'm here to gain perspective before I broach the topic to him. I'm also trying to simmer down a bit. |
Anonymous
I know. I basically am from the South where you say things you don't really mean (like stop over any time, I'll take care of it, when you really don't want to) It's really stupid and I'm partially mad at myself for even doing this. He's not a mind reader but I expected him to pick up the trash. |
Anonymous
Right? That would have been the proper thing to do. This is why I like posting on public forums. It helps me to see both sides. |
Anonymous
Nope. Him working a lot of hours is no excuse. My husband is working a lot of hours too, as he's building a law practice with a friend after they've both worked in Big Law for a while. It takes no time at all to swoop by a garbage pail and take the trash out when you're going outside anyway. |
Anonymous
| Stop being a southern martyr. Say, "can you please take to the garbage? Thanks!" |
Anonymous
| Okay guys, so what do I do or say now? I'm upset about the cleaning... |
Anonymous
| I either take it out, it sits or I leave it right in front of the door so he can't miss it and then he'll do it. I gave up that fight a long time ago. |
Anonymous
That's what I've been doing, but for some reason I chose to sit it outside the door. Would you expect him to clean it if you had made this mistake? |
Anonymous
| Instead of being unhappy and giving the cold shoulder, start rewarding him when he does take it out. No advice on what to say at this point, but everyone has a task they just loathe entirely. Could you live withe being in charge of the trash if he takes on some other task that you can't stand? If he regularly did night feedings, or cleaned the bathroom, or something else, could you live with that trade? I'd try and get to the bottom of what it is causing him to ignore the trash and then go from there. |