panicking about cost and distance
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Anonymous
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I didn't limit DD's college applications except that the school had to be accessible by public transportation and in the continental USA.
Now I'm looking at her choosing the absolute priciest school after merit and the farthest state... I'm starting to wonder if I should have set stricter limits for the sake of my sanity 
The school NPC says I'll never get any need based aid |
Anonymous
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It's never too late to sit your kid down and have a chat about finances. There's absolutely no reason why any parent should feel obligated to allow their child to dictate such a huge financial decision.
I have a number of friends who allowed their kids to turn down free rides at fabulous state universities to go to ridiculously expensive private colleges. They paid upwards of $200k when they could have made their kid go to the state uni that offered them a full scholarship. Why any parent would allow that is beyond me. Then the kids had to take out loans for grad school. And there was no money from the parents for a wedding or a downpayment on the kid's first home. Stupid. Really stupid. Sit your kid down and talk about this stuff. |
Anonymous
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This is an opportunity for your daughter to be a grownup. Sit down with her with all the offer letters and net cost calculators and calculate the cost of the school over 4 (or 5, sigh) years. Calculate the travel costs for each year. You could have saved yourself some grief if you had given her a sense of your budget, and told her she could apply anywhere but attending would be contingent on budget-but now is the time for that convo.
If the most expensive school is out of reach for you, you should say so. If the most expensive school would just be a stretch, it's totally appropriate for you to require her to take out a loan to offset some of the cost of attendance, and to let her know that there are trade offs: maybe if she attended one of the less expensive schools you could help her with extras and she could do things like go on spring break, get more allowance, join a sorority (shudder), but if she attends the most expensive school those extras just won't be possible. In my experience, high school students are pretty practical when they see the finances. |
Anonymous
| I'm also suffering on the distance side - will miss my DS if he goes to California.... |
Anonymous
| I wasn't allowed to pick my school. I always knew where I would go to college. I wouldn't have let the child leave the state personally. |
Anonymous
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I kind of know how you feel - my DD is planning to go to a very expensive school in GA. I let her decide though, because my eldest chose a state school that's costing us very little, so the financial hardship is lessened considerably. The youngest (a boy), will probably follow in my eldest child's footsteps. We have four years to go with that one though.
I would, however, have difficulties with CA. She applied in TX and that would have been hard, though I have family nearby. The fact it was simply not drivable, would have been difficult. GA, I can get in the car and be there in a day. Or she can fly and be home in a couple hours. That helps immensely. If it's not affordable, it's not affordable. Your child will be disappointed to a small degree, but will understand and ultimately, will be happy where he/she goes. I went to an expensive private my first two years, then transferred to a state school due to finances. The transfer allowed me to take a job as well, which created a different kind of lifestyle, that I enjoyed just as much. |
Anonymous
| To those of you who wouldn't let your kid leave the state, seriously? Why? What are you afraid of? Are you going to be upset if they eventually move away and live their own lives? |
Anonymous
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If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Walk her through why you can't - it's a financial lesson she needs to learn, not just a way to soften the blow.
Distance on the other hand is pretty relative. You can get on a flight to LAX from DCA at 9AM, sleep or read for five hours, and arrive at noon to meet your DD for lunch. It's easier than driving to State College or Blacksburg. |
Anonymous
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As far as distance, I KNOW Cali can be reached more quickly than others but I can decide st 2 am I need to go to Blacksburg and be there by 9am vs cali where I have to book flights.
Moneywise I have funds saved but am trying to handle the thought that nothing will be left for postgraduate |
Anonymous
| Our kid is quite ill right now at a school which is a plane ride away. IT is very stressful. Much worse than we thought it would be. The logistics of getting her home for breaks, etc. are very challenging. Glad her brother made a different choice and we can drive to his college. |
Anonymous
+1 to all of this. Great advice, great post. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry to hear this  That would be very hard for me as a parent.
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Anonymous
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My step son graduates in 2 months. He wanted CA for college. Dad said ok, mom said too far. She wouldn't let him go.
4 yrs later he only interviewed for CA based positions. He's got a good offer and he's leaving about 2 weeks after graduation. You certainly have a right to say no because of cost. But kids grow up and want to live their own lives. Distance should not be a factor. Planes are easy to come by. |
Anonymous
| At the end of DD's freshman year of college, many neighbors asked, "Is she going back?" Seemed odd. Did they think she flunked-out? What had I said to bring on this concern. Maybe I should have bragged about her academics. Was there some rumor going around? Finally I realized that their kids had only been allowed to attend college instate. |
Anonymous
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Whatever happened to the concept of student loans? Why are parents putting the financial burden solely on their own shoulders?
I'm clearly not the parent of a college-age child, but really? Most families cannot afford the outrageous prices of college (near or far), but loans do help to provide access. |