panicking about cost and distance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's never too late to sit your kid down and have a chat about finances. There's absolutely no reason why any parent should feel obligated to allow their child to dictate such a huge financial decision.

I have a number of friends who allowed their kids to turn down free rides at fabulous state universities to go to ridiculously expensive private colleges. They paid upwards of $200k when they could have made their kid go to the state uni that offered them a full scholarship. Why any parent would allow that is beyond me. Then the kids had to take out loans for grad school. And there was no money from the parents for a wedding or a downpayment on the kid's first home. Stupid. Really stupid.

Sit your kid down and talk about this stuff.

There are many financial considerations I will weigh when considering whether to pay for a private college, but my ability to pay for a wedding is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those of you who wouldn't let your kid leave the state, seriously? Why? What are you afraid of? Are you going to be upset if they eventually move away and live their own lives?

+1. Acceptable and understandable if it's financial. Unacceptable if you just can't cut the umbilical cord (and that goes for fathers too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid is quite ill right now at a school which is a plane ride away. IT is very stressful. Much worse than we thought it would be. The logistics of getting her home for breaks, etc. are very challenging. Glad her brother made a different choice and we can drive to his college.

sorry you have to deal with that, hope it all works out well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to the concept of student loans? Why are parents putting the financial burden solely on their own shoulders?

I'm clearly not the parent of a college-age child, but really? Most families cannot afford the outrageous prices of college (near or far), but loans do help to provide access.

student loans are different from in times past, many more limits unless the parent co-signs or is the de facto borrower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever happened to the concept of student loans? Why are parents putting the financial burden solely on their own shoulders?

I'm clearly not the parent of a college-age child, but really? Most families cannot afford the outrageous prices of college (near or far), but loans do help to provide access.

For me, providing college expenses is paying back the loan my parents gave me when I went to college. I think of it as a generational loan. We started saving when we were married. If you plan, it is possible to save enough on a middle class salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't limit DD's college applications except that the school had to be accessible by public transportation and in the continental USA.
Now I'm looking at her choosing the absolute priciest school after merit and the farthest state...
I'm starting to wonder if I should have set stricter limits for the sake of my sanity

The school NPC says I'll never get any need based aid

My DD got into a very prestigious school (NE SLAC), but she's going to our state U. Why? Price, of course. We don't qualify for financial aid. We tried, filled out the FAFSA, the CSS profile, nada. But our finances are precarious, and we cannot afford to take out a mortgage or spend a chunk of our savings to send DD to the college of her dreams. There have been some tears, some unhappiness, some whining, but we explained very clearly to DD what's at stake, told her we aren't going to risk our financial future when she's got a fabulous state U to attend. The distance wasn't a factor at all. We would have sent her off to the West Coast if she'd gotten a free ride somewhere, but she didn't want to go that far, and she didn't get a free ride anywhere.

OP, you need not send your child to the college she wants to go to just because that's what she wants! It's outrageous that parents take out loans and their kids take out loans and they empty their bank accounts just so their darling gets to go to a highly selective and prestigious school. Not going to happen in our family. We have three more kids to put through college. They are lucky we can pay for them to go to our state U, and lucky our state U is as good as it is.

Oh, and DH and I both attended highly selective SLACS! We want that great education and college experience for our kids, but no way do we think it's worth the current price tag. Back in our day, it was expensive, but within reach of the middle class. Now it's only for the rich and for those who qualify for financial aid. If you're in the middle, well, in-state tuition is the only affordable option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't limit DD's college applications except that the school had to be accessible by public transportation and in the continental USA.
Now I'm looking at her choosing the absolute priciest school after merit and the farthest state...
I'm starting to wonder if I should have set stricter limits for the sake of my sanity

The school NPC says I'll never get any need based aid

My DD got into a very prestigious school (NE SLAC), but she's going to our state U. Why? Price, of course. We don't qualify for financial aid. We tried, filled out the FAFSA, the CSS profile, nada. But our finances are precarious, and we cannot afford to take out a mortgage or spend a chunk of our savings to send DD to the college of her dreams. There have been some tears, some unhappiness, some whining, but we explained very clearly to DD what's at stake, told her we aren't going to risk our financial future when she's got a fabulous state U to attend. The distance wasn't a factor at all. We would have sent her off to the West Coast if she'd gotten a free ride somewhere, but she didn't want to go that far, and she didn't get a free ride anywhere.

OP, you need not send your child to the college she wants to go to just because that's what she wants! It's outrageous that parents take out loans and their kids take out loans and they empty their bank accounts just so their darling gets to go to a highly selective and prestigious school. Not going to happen in our family. We have three more kids to put through college. They are lucky we can pay for them to go to our state U, and lucky our state U is as good as it is.


+1 well stated.

Oh, and DH and I both attended highly selective SLACS! We want that great education and college experience for our kids, but no way do we think it's worth the current price tag. Back in our day, it was expensive, but within reach of the middle class. Now it's only for the rich and for those who qualify for financial aid. If you're in the middle, well, in-state tuition is the only affordable option.

[Anonymous]

I would honestly be disappointed in my kids just ended up in-state. My dream school was on the West Coast, but my mom convinced me to stay on the East Coast. I've always regretted this. I will fully support my kids' dreams to the best of my ability.

[Anonymous]

I would honestly be disappointed in my kids just ended up in-state. My dream school was on the West Coast, but my mom convinced me to stay on the East Coast. I've always regretted this. I will fully support my kids' dreams to the best of my ability.

Just remember that your kids are not you. Their dreams might not be the same as yours were. They may be happy in-state.

And I think we all have some regrets about school or some other life decision. We're all just doing the best we can and hopefully our children will understand that one day.