My Dad told me to change my name
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Anonymous
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I have been with my husband for 8 years. We finally married last year. I made the deliberate decision to keep my maiden name because it means a lot to me and I already have a career.
This weekend my father and I had a fight over a lot of built up frustrations. At the end, he told me to change my name because he no longer wants me to have his name. I don't know why this is bothering me. I know that he said it to be mean, but it is really is getting to me. His problems with me are: 1) He hates that I left home and went to college on the East Coast. (This was me disowning my family in his eyes) 2) He hates that my children are not close enough for him to have a relationship with. 3) He thinks that I love my mother more than him. (Not true) 4) He thinks that I blame him for ruining my parents marriage by cheating. (Also not true) Why we truly don't have a relationship: 1) He was an absent father 2) He has visited me 2x in the past 12 years. 3) Every time we talk he tells me how awful I am |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a lunatic. |
Anonymous
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He sounds like he has a mental health disorder.
Set healthy and appropriate boundaries, seek counseling for yourself so you can heal and learn how to cope with him. I'm sorry. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry. He sounds toxic. I would honestly be psyched for a name change if I were you, but that said, it's just as much YOUR name as it is your father's. He has no right to take it from you.
What if you and DH-to-be created a new name together and both change? |
Anonymous
| yeah, it's also YOUR name. There is not need to change it. Agree with the person that says he sounds toxic. Sorry you are having to deal with that! |
Anonymous
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Ignore him. He doesn't own the name - he can't demand you give it back. Keep it.
Ignore him about his issues. He can't face the truth. |
Anonymous
| Holy personality disorder. it's all about him and it's all very distorted. You did well to get away and make a life for yourself, OP. Put him on ignore and do what you want. |
Anonymous
| It is your name, not his. Sorry you have such an asshole as a father. |
Anonymous
| He sounds like a very angry person who thinks that relationships and emotions are all simple cause/effect based and does a lot of blaming. He may also say things he doesn't really mean in the heat of the moment...possible? |
Anonymous
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He sounds like a rageful lunatic, not to be reasoned with.
I would laugh at him and tell him that it's your name and that what you do with it is not up for discussion. |
Anonymous
This sums it up. OP, I'm sorry your father is so impaired psychologically. Please know this isn't about you. Do whatever makes you happy and pay him as little mind as you can. Lean on the people in your life that can love and support you! |
Anonymous
| Why do you even talk to him? It sounds like it is always a one way conversation of abuse that you invite. Take this last conversation as his way of closing the door. Don't put yourself through any more. |
Anonymous
+Keep the name, lose the "father." |
Anonymous
Or change the name, cut the tie. |
Anonymous
| Agree with PPs. Thee is no reasoning or rationalizing with such a person. There is no getting him to see and understand your point of view. You must lower expectations of your father and assume that he will be abusive and try to hurt you. He really does sound toxic - I would decrease contact and establish firm boundaries. When he starts raging at you, then you excuse yourself from the conversation until he can speak to you in a civil manner. |