Anyone else have an ex who married a near stranger?

[Anonymous]

Last week my kids saw their Dad and he brought a female friend with him. (I didn't meet her; the kids told me.) I thought that was a little odd given it was the weekend they were celebrating one of our kids' birthday but whatever.

Tonight he emailed to tell me that last week the kids met his fiancee and that he got married this week. The kids don't know this yet.

I ended our marriage and am fine with him remarrying. I just expected him to be more considerate of our kids and have a longer process involved with introducing them to someone he was thinking of marrying. On top of this it doesn't seem like he has really told anyone else, his family included.

Any advice on how to support my kids as they process this? At this point they will only see their father and his wife a few hours a week but moving forward could be spending overnights once they have a suitable home.

[Anonymous]

My ex was engaged after a few weeks of dating and is getting married soon. They both have mental illness so I believe that's a factor in the rush to wedded bliss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex was engaged after a few weeks of dating and is getting married soon. They both have mental illness so I believe that's a factor in the rush to wedded bliss.

Op here. Interesting. My ex also suffers from mental illness.

[Anonymous]

My ex got engaged less then 4 months after separate. Married a month after divorce. Had the baby 6 months after our divorce. I think there is a little mental issue on their parts. Feel baby for the new baby. Happy my kids are being ignored by them to avoid all the nonsense

[Anonymous]

Feel bad for new baby^

[Anonymous]

Dollars to donuts she is pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Last week my kids saw their Dad and he brought a female friend with him. (I didn't meet her; the kids told me.) I thought that was a little odd given it was the weekend they were celebrating one of our kids' birthday but whatever.

Tonight he emailed to tell me that last week the kids met his fiancee and that he got married this week. The kids don't know this yet.

I ended our marriage and am fine with him remarrying. I just expected him to be more considerate of our kids and have a longer process involved with introducing them to someone he was thinking of marrying. On top of this it doesn't seem like he has really told anyone else, his family included.

Any advice on how to support my kids as they process this? At this point they will only see their father and his wife a few hours a week but moving forward could be spending overnights once they have a suitable home.

Be prepared for the possibility she will not want your kids around and or will not want their money going to you. Find a lawyer and be on the ready for a quick smack down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dollars to donuts she is pregnant.

07:33 here: I agree. That or actively trying. I wasn't too shocked when my ex told me that they are trying to have a baby. Feel sorry for all kids present and future involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dollars to donuts she is pregnant.

07:33 here: I agree. That or actively trying. I wasn't too shocked when my ex told me that they are trying to have a baby. Feel sorry for all kids present and future involved.

OP here. I'm wondering that myself.

[Anonymous]

Given mental illness is involved, I wouldn't bank on her being pregnant but for you & your kids I hope not.

My advice is that you offer to take some more caregiving responsibilities so they can have more time together. Yes it burdens you, but you can then help the kids not feel as bad if and when a new child becomes involved. For your kids, if they aren't in play therapy please consider putting them in play therapy with you too. A counselor can help all of you talk openly and safely. Good luck OP. Sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given mental illness is involved, I wouldn't bank on her being pregnant but for you & your kids I hope not.

My advice is that you offer to take some more caregiving responsibilities so they can have more time together. Yes it burdens you, but you can then help the kids not feel as bad if and when a new child becomes involved. For your kids, if they aren't in play therapy please consider putting them in play therapy with you too. A counselor can help all of you talk openly and safely. Good luck OP. Sorry you are going through this.

I have full custody at the moment. Their dad has been living with roommates with no appropriate place for the kids to stay. It sounds like it will be a little while before he and the new wife can move somewhere with a spare room.

I plan on bringing this all up with my therapist this week so we can discuss therapy options for the kids. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

You can't control what he does.

Now if he starts welching on child support payments, etc., go after that, or if his home has crack pipes sitting around, shut visitations down.

If he seems just a bit "off" but otherwise wants to see the kids and is okay/good with them, and the only flaw is "ZOMG NO SPARE ROOM" I woudn't fuss overmuch about that.

[Anonymous]

07:33 again:I get the spare room thing-- my ex thinks a sleeping bag on the floor of his fiancée's basement apartment is all he needs to provide during visitation.

[Anonymous]

It's completely possible they just fell in love and gOt married. There isn't always a complicated back story that OP doesn't know about. My own DH and I were living together after 3 months, engaged at 6 and married shortly thereafter. I'm sure his ex wife thought something weird was going on but nope. Five years later we are still very much in love and happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control what he does.

Now if he starts welching on child support payments, etc., go after that, or if his home has crack pipes sitting around, shut visitations down.

If he seems just a bit "off" but otherwise wants to see the kids and is okay/good with them, and the only flaw is "ZOMG NO SPARE ROOM" I woudn't fuss overmuch about that.

You can't do that. Child support and visitation are two different things.