For those of you who either sought divorce after 20+ years of marriage or know someone who did,

[Anonymous]

outside of the DCUM trifecta of adultery/addiction/abuse, what was the reason after being with one person for so long? Do you miss your ex?

[Anonymous]

I left after 24 years. My marriage was a mess 5-6 years in (right when the baby phase ended). I was the bread winner and would have taken a bath in child support. It was a financial decision as much as a decision to remain in my kids' life on a daily basis to stay married.

We build a strong, superficial connection and that was enough to get us through the child rearing years. She was happy enough with the appearance and I was happy enough to keep it so I could see my kids on a daily basis (this was 20 years ago, fwiw).

I do not miss my ex (the feeling is mutual) and am incredibly happy with a long term partner.

[Anonymous]

Leaving now. Have been living a lie for most of a 20 year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Newly separated now after 22 years. Knew it was a bad match after a year but by then, we had a kid and then another and I had no self-esteem so stuck it out "for the kids". Worst mistake of my life. STBX was a mean-spirited bully and we had no sex life.

[Anonymous]

My mom and dad divorced after 25 years.n stayed together until the youngest was in college and past 18 then it was dunzo.

I wish they would have done it sooner and my mother had not turned me into her confidant through the entire ordeal.

[Anonymous]

20:03 here, forgot that last question. Yes I missed him out of long habit, and also had knee-jerk jealous reaction to learning he found somebody new/better. But that's receding quickly.

[Anonymous]

My sister and her husband are separated now after 20 years of marriage. It is completely her decision and my BIL, an extremely nice guy, is gutted. I honestly don't understand her reasoning but I strongly believe it's the biggest mistake of her life. She has always been self-centered and I really think she has no idea what this will mean long-term to her kids or even to herself. And I wickedly secretly hope my BIL finds someone awesome who treats him really well.

[Anonymous]

Is your Sister hot? I'm almost being shown the door after nearly 20 years. I might be interested in your self centered Sister soon..

[Anonymous]

Sexless marriage. Missed the good parts of marriage, but not the ex, per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:03 here, forgot that last question. Yes I missed him out of long habit, and also had knee-jerk jealous reaction to learning he found somebody new/better. But that's receding quickly.

I doubt she's better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your Sister hot? I'm almost being shown the door after nearly 20 years. I might be interested in your self centered Sister soon..

She's adorable but 3000 miles away and really, I wouldn't even wish her on an anonymous DCUM weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Left after 18 years (close enough?). I thought she would change, but she only got worse (pathological liar). She wouldn't even get help. My 16 (at the time) year old finally said to me, "dad, when I turn 17, I'm out of here". So, I got an apartment, and we left one morning. Took a few years of therapy to get my son "healthy", and there were other issues over the last 5 years, but he's good now. I'm happier than I've ever been. I never missed the ex, but did miss having someone. I went through a lot getting the DS on the right track, and it was hard to do it alone.

Now, I've recently met someone, and she's everything I always wanted, but didn't think I could find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your Sister hot? I'm almost being shown the door after nearly 20 years. I might be interested in your self centered Sister soon..

She's adorable but 3000 miles away and really, I wouldn't even wish her on an anonymous DCUM weirdo.

HAHAHA!

I have a self absorbed sister, but THANK GOD she realizes that any marriage or children she would produce would be disasters. For that I have a deep respect for the fact that she knows herself so well.

[Anonymous]

My sister recently obtained a divorce after being married for nineteen years.

Reason being:

Her husband was addicted to porn. He would never spend time w/his family, on his days off he always sat in another room + just watched his porn.

He kept insisting he would get help, and he would. For like a week, then go back to his addiction. He would also lie to my sister about not watching porn and eventually it destroyed their union.

It got to the point where she didn't even want him to touch her sexually, because she felt like he was comparing her to the women in the porn he watched. She also didn't want to cook for him either.

While she does miss him at times, ultimately she is learning self-love right now, meaning that she knows she is worth more and deserves more from a man.

[Anonymous]

Feel like I could write just about any one of these posts in about 15 years. Miserable right now and in a catch-22. Don't want to give up kids, but DW and I have nothing in common any longer. Never should have married her. If it not for the kids, we'd be done. Sick of my life right now.