Is it ok to sit back and relax?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this belongs here or money and finances...I got married last year and we have a baby on the way. My DH make low mid-6 figures. We have our nanny lined up. He thinks I should quit my job and sit back and relax to enjoy motherhood. My job is a lawyer at a non-profit and is enjoyable but not financially lucrative. He basically wants me to be a SAHM but we will have a nanny and a housekeeper. I would cook and of course be mom. I enjoy cooking and baking specifically and DH is open to me starting a cupcake cafe. I'm not sure I'm the sit back and not work type. How do I get used to enjoying it more? Even the cafe sounds like a mcguffin to "entertain" me if I get bored. Is it ok to sit back and relax? Anyone BTDT where you were once a hard charging career woman and then you pull over the side of the road to enjoy the view?

[Anonymous]

Hahaha! Sit back and relax are not compatible with raising small children.

[Anonymous]

When you have the baby you will see... you can't possibly know how it will impact you, and it happens differently for everyone.

[Anonymous]

It is great that your husband is so generous with lifestyle. Don't make any decisions until baby is here. A part time arrangement you are passionate about might be the perfect in between.

I don't know what low mid 6 figures means but if it is 250k or so that isn't that much money to be able to afford both help and a stay at home wife, and you end up with a lot of risk when all income is from one source.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahaha! Sit back and relax are not compatible with raising small children.

Good point. I know what you mean. This will be our only child, and we'll have the nanny and retain the housekeeper. Besides trying to be the best mom and make dinner, I realize I will have a lot of support with raising the kid and our household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is great that your husband is so generous with lifestyle. Don't make any decisions until baby is here. A part time arrangement you are passionate about might be the perfect in between.

I don't know what low mid 6 figures means but if it is 250k or so that isn't that much money to be able to afford both help and a stay at home wife, and you end up with a lot of risk when all income is from one source.

He makes 400k. It's hard not making decisions. I feel so antsy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahaha! Sit back and relax are not compatible with raising small children.

She said she would have a nanny and a housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Being a stay at home Mom is not relaxing...

[Anonymous]

Have you ever worked in a retail environment, worked in a commercial bakery, had p/l responsablity, hired or fired people, etc? The cupcake thing has a lot of competition(ie jumped the shark). As owner you will open and close every day, most bakeries open early.

[Anonymous]

You need to take time NOW + think about whether or not you are the "Stay-at-Home" Mommy type.

Some women need to have an identity outside of motherhood and their careers give them that and more.

Others are more the homebody-type and are very domestic by nature.

Which are you? Where do you fit in?

Staying at home w/a young child full-time can be very lonely and boring. You may feel isolated and like you have lost a huge part of your former identity.

These things must be considered before you make your final decision.

Remember: It is YOUR decision to make, not your husband's. While his intentions sound good, the only one who can dictate how to live one's life is you.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I would plan for a maternity leave and try going back to work. If you don't like it you can always resign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to take time NOW + think about whether or not you are the "Stay-at-Home" Mommy type.

Some women need to have an identity outside of motherhood and their careers give them that and more.

Others are more the homebody-type and are very domestic by nature.

Which are you? Where do you fit in?

Staying at home w/a young child full-time can be very lonely and boring. You may feel isolated and like you have lost a huge part of your former identity.

These things must be considered before you make your final decision.

Remember: It is YOUR decision to make, not your husband's. While his intentions sound good, the only one who can dictate how to live one's life is you.

Good luck.

Are there any online tests or resources to determine if one is a SAHM type?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever worked in a retail environment, worked in a commercial bakery, had p/l responsablity, hired or fired people, etc? The cupcake thing has a lot of competition(ie jumped the shark). As owner you will open and close every day, most bakeries open early.

I used to work as a baker's assistant all through high school and college. And was a bartender to support myself through law school. The plan is to buy into a franchise and hire a general manager if we want to do it at all. I agree with the PPs, it's a good idea to first wait and see if I even like being a SAHM and then based on that either open the cafe or find a job, volunteer, etc.

[Anonymous]

You haven't said anything about yourself. Do you like your job? Are you looking for a huge life change?

SAHM means being the default parent. Instead of working, you would manage the nanny and housekeeper, take care of all doctor's appointments, buy groceries, cook meals, do all the night time feedings, run errands, pay bills, and be the default person for basically everything household related. Car maintenance, handymen, carpet cleaning, light bulb changing, etc.

can you see why your husband is pushing you into this role?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said anything about yourself. Do you like your job? Are you looking for a huge life change?

SAHM means being the default parent. Instead of working, you would manage the nanny and housekeeper, take care of all doctor's appointments, buy groceries, cook meals, do all the night time feedings, run errands, pay bills, and be the default person for basically everything household related. Car maintenance, handymen, carpet cleaning, light bulb changing, etc.

can you see why your husband is pushing you into this role?

Husband says it be less stressful for me and that willl translate to more time to spend together as a couple