If you have children through both OE and DE

[Anonymous]

For those with child using OE, who have a second child through use of DE, any thoughts on your journey? Would you do anything differently? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Nope. Sooo happy that DS 2 is here. It took one OE cycle and one frozen embryo cycle to be able to make the mental leap to DE so I regret that money but it was part of the mental process. I made up for some of the lost time with frozen DE. I feel so lucky. Wouldn't change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks so much. Pp, if you are comfortable sharing, have you decided to tell your second about DE, and if so, when? And congratulations, so nice to hear happy endings!

[Anonymous]

OF course we will tell him. He needs to know his medical history.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We have one through OE and one via DE. I would not change a thing. I love both my children so much, and they bring DH and me so much joy.

We will tell both children about using DE for DC2.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks pp. I was curious if you plan to look at it from the perspective of adoption...or slightly different, since you have also had the bonding experience that comes with pregnancy and birth? Sorry if these seem like odd questions, but I'm just starting to give this option more thought, since adoption seems even more complicated...thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks pp. I was curious if you plan to look at it from the perspective of adoption...or slightly different, since you have also had the bonding experience that comes with pregnancy and birth? Sorry if these seem like odd questions, but I'm just starting to give this option more thought, since adoption seems even more complicated...thank you.

Not PP, but I have DE kids. DE is really a very different process from adoption. I do think that it feels that way to kids as well. We are very open with our kids about where they come from. They understand that they were very much wanted and very intentionally created by us to be our children. I don't think either of them give it much thought on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks pp. I was curious if you plan to look at it from the perspective of adoption...or slightly different, since you have also had the bonding experience that comes with pregnancy and birth? Sorry if these seem like odd questions, but I'm just starting to give this option more thought, since adoption seems even more complicated...thank you.

15:07 here. I think maybe I don't understand what you mean about adoption. I agree with 15:28 that it is a different process, and I like the statement "intentionally created by us to be our children". My DC2 doesn't have my genes, but she does have DH's genes. She grew in my uterus, and I gave birth to her.

I think she deserves to know her full genetic history, and we will give that to her to the best of our ability.

I don't love or like one child more than the other - they are both very dear to me, and I don't feel a difference. I thought DC1 was attached to me as a toddler, but I'm surprised at the strength of DC2's attachment. It's almost stronger at times. DC2 doesn't look like me at all, but she exhibits some behaviors that are very much like me and also like members of my family that she doesn't see often.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks pp. By mentioning adoption perspective, I was just thinking about the element of telling them about how they came to be through DE. I would imagine that it would not feel any different for the parent, it's your child, I just know that a friend who used DE has spoken with a psychologist about when to tell them, how, and it reminded me of my friends who have adopted.
This is all helpful info. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

15:07 again. There are several books aimed at very young kids that talk about DE as a part of a story, in an age-appropriate way. I like "Mommy, Was Your Tummy Big?" There are other books too.

I'll tell you how we are handling this, but this is very specific to our situation. DC2 is a toddler. DC1 (OE) is in elementary school. We have not told DC1, but will tell at the same time we tell DC2. We've been introducing DC1 to the books "It's Not the Stork" and "It's So Amazing", which are all about puberty and reproduction, and they're aimed at young kids. In the near future, we are going to start reading "Mommy, Was Your Tummy Big" with DC2 and DC1. We can give DC1 more information if she has questions, since she's beginning to understand the basics of reproduction. DC2 will also know, since it will be part of the ongoing conversation we have with her as she grows up.

As with adoption, I think it's best if the children know early, so that it's always part of their story.

We have not told our extended family, and we have exactly two friends who know that we used DE. We know that in telling our DCs it could come out to other people we haven't told, but that's not going to change our plans to tell them.