I didn't have the "college experience"

[Anonymous]

I am a 28 year old woman who never had the "college experience". I went to community college my first two years and then joined a large state school where I had trouble making friends because I was extremely shy and awkward. 2 years later I graduate with hardly any real friends and never went to a college party or a frat party. I deeply regret it and wish I wasnt so awkward and socially inept then.

Did I really miss out on the best 4 years of my life?

[Anonymous]

You missed out on the TV version. I think a lot of people's experiences are more similar to yours, especially if they don't come from a wealthy background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 28 year old woman who never had the "college experience". I went to community college my first two years and then joined a large state school where I had trouble making friends because I was extremely shy and awkward. 2 years later I graduate with hardly any real friends and never went to a college party or a frat party. I deeply regret it and wish I wasnt so awkward and socially inept then.

Did I really miss out on the best 4 years of my life?

By definition, no. Just think that the best is yet to come!

[Anonymous]

I'm with you. I went to my dream school freshman year but spent my time talking to my boyfriend back home. Plus dream school wasn't what I thought it would be. My parents had told me not to go to college with any friends from home but that turned out to be a bad idea for a shy introvert.

Transferred back to my home state school sophomore year. No room in the dorms so I lived off campus and everyone else had already formed their groups of friends. I spent some time with friends from high school but didn't make any real friends outside of them. I even joined a sorority in hopes of making friends, but that didn't work. I always felt like I was missing out on the typical college experience and was so jealous of my friends at other schools who had created that experience for themselves.

Now 15 years out it hasn't seemed to matter much. I don't relate to stories people tell about college but it was only 4 years. Not a huge deal in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

No. I never had the high school OR college experience. I am not even sure if either of the two colleges (failed out of the first one) had greek life. I went to one bar once. I didn't drink. I never had a one night stand. I don't remember the last names of either of the two roommates I had, and never kept in touch with anyone from either college. So what? Traditional/conventional doesn't happen for everyone.

It took me five years to get an associates degree. I worked full time AND part time while going to school at night to get that degree. I was 17-23 and taking classes with kids who slept all morning, got baked, surfed or played video games, then rolled into class. I couldn't relate to my peers at all.

[Anonymous]

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Now 15 years out it hasn't seemed to matter much. I don't relate to stories people tell about college but it was only 4 years. Not a huge deal in the scheme of things.

Yeah, I'm five years out now and I can't relate when people start talking about college stuff such as greek life. I totally have nothing to contribute except be envious of their magical time.

[Anonymous]

It was, to be honest, one of the best times of my life. But it may not have been for you, even if you had gone right to the 4-year school. I was in a sorority, a fraternity little sister, loved all the big sporting events, the concerts, the parties, the activities. But as an introvert you may not have cared for them.

As you go forward, try to live your life the way you envision it -- join some groups, get involved, connect.

[Anonymous]

OP,
Stop pitying yourself long enough to realize that your lack of the "dream college experience" was a result of your poor social skills, not vice-versa.

In my home country universities do not have campuses. I lived at home with my parents and went to class, just like in high school. Other students shared rooms. It was nothing like the "college experience" in the US. I do not regret anything.

There are books and classes on social skills. The best solution is to put yourself out there and practice in the real world! Move on with your life and don't dwell on your past.

[Anonymous]

I think my version was fairly similar to yours. I started at one of the UC (University of California) campuses, but was miserable there (far from home...just not my style) so I withdrew and did a few years at a community college back home. The I transferred to one of the Cal State Schools, but it was known as a "commuter" school, I lived off campus, mostly dated older (mid-late 20s) men, and made friends through my part time job or neighborhood, etc. I did a few things on campus besides class--like for a couple semesters I worked an on campus job as a cashier in the food court, occasionally hung out in the campus coffee house with others from my classes, etc. But apart from the brief time at the UC school, most of my college life was off campus, with non-college student (or at least, not students at my school) friends. I never went to a frat party, but went to other parties just thrown by friends in their apartments.

I don't the Greek life defines a college experience. Many universities don't have Greeks, or the Greeks have a very minimal presence. My Cal State campus had Greeks, but you'd barely know they were there--the houses were miles from campus and except during rush period, they really didn't stand out.
Also, I sometimes hear negative stories about Greeks (like the recent racist chant, or the ones that destroyed some hotels, etc.) and it makes me feel glad I never rushed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I tutored a kid who went away to college to have the "college experience" because she couldn't bear living at home any longer. I tried to get her to seriously consider living at home and going to UDC because there was a good chance she could do that without going into debt. She turned her nose up at that.

I don't really blame her for that -- she's a young person and she desperately wanted to go away to college. But I'm very concerned that she is racking up lots of debt and to be honest I'm skeptical that she's going to be able to find the money to stay there and graduate - and that's assuming she gets decent grades, which I'm also concerned is not happening. I worry about her coming out broke, dispirited, and with thousands of dollars of debt that she can't pay off. But she clearly doesn't want my advice on this.

I'm sorry you didn't get the college experience you wanted. I did go to a four-year college but it wasn't all that great in my view. Graduate school was much better. You've got a lot of life ahead of you and you'll be creating so many more new experiences. Look forward and be excited about what's ahead. Don't mourn over a mythical college experience that most of us didn't have. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I never had the high school OR college experience. I am not even sure if either of the two colleges (failed out of the first one) had greek life. I went to one bar once. I didn't drink. I never had a one night stand. I don't remember the last names of either of the two roommates I had, and never kept in touch with anyone from either college. So what? Traditional/conventional doesn't happen for everyone.

It took me five years to get an associates degree. I worked full time AND part time while going to school at night to get that degree. I was 17-23 and taking classes with kids who slept all morning, got baked, surfed or played video games, then rolled into class. I couldn't relate to my peers at all.

We can be friends. I'm the same way. Hitting 30 soon and I still don't relate much to friends.

[Anonymous]

Your best days aren't behind you. You can have whatever type of good time you want to have now, and you probably have a bit more disposable income to do it with too
Lots of people have unconventional experiences. Don't let it define you in a bad way.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a common regret that people have but I think very few people actually have that true experience. Or they may have it, but don't find it enjoyable. But it's easy to think that college is like what you see in the TV and movies. But honestly, at least for those in difficult programs, college is nothing more than hard work. I didn't live in a dorm and often regret that, but then I think to myself how much I would've hated it because of how hard it would've been to get any work done there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I never had the high school OR college experience. I am not even sure if either of the two colleges (failed out of the first one) had greek life. I went to one bar once. I didn't drink. I never had a one night stand. I don't remember the last names of either of the two roommates I had, and never kept in touch with anyone from either college. So what? Traditional/conventional doesn't happen for everyone.

It took me five years to get an associates degree. I worked full time AND part time while going to school at night to get that degree. I was 17-23 and taking classes with kids who slept all morning, got baked, surfed or played video games, then rolled into class. I couldn't relate to my peers at all.

We can be friends. I'm the same way. Hitting 30 soon and I still don't relate much to friends.

Here's the thing though. I'm 38 now. Past the age of about 24, I found that nobody talked about college anymore. 24 was very much a turning point, where it seemed to me that once people turned that age, they were distinctly Adults rather than College Kids. When I was 22 and 23, being friends with people in their late 20's was much more comfortable for me (aside from the fact that I still lived at home with my parents). Very early 20's were hard - I didn't fit in with the college kids or the adults at work. Hard, but not impossible. Power through, and don't live in a college town. Trust me that by 24-25 nobody will be talking about college anymore.