name calling EX

[Anonymous]

Ex used a naughty word to refer to our child's step in front of our child. I can tell this was eating our kid up. Is there anything that can be done?

[Anonymous]

No. Stick to your knitting. Don't curse in front of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Stick to your knitting. Don't curse in front of your kid.

Really? He called a step parent an expletive to a prek kid and I should go knit?
Seems really to have hurt our kids feelings

[Anonymous]

OP how is your relationship with your ex? If it's fairly cordial (other than this) than you should tell him that it's not in the child's best interest to hear that kind of stuff. If you think it's going to turn into word war III I would let it go. There really isn't much you can do if he is just going to be an ass about it.

[Anonymous]

Well what are you looking to do?

Tell your child that of course he knows that the step is a wonderful step and loves the child very much. Say that sometimes people say mean things but we all have to remember that it doesn't make it true. Don't come any closer to criticizing the ex and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well what are you looking to do?

Tell your child that of course he knows that the step is a wonderful step and loves the child very much. Say that sometimes people say mean things but we all have to remember that it doesn't make it true. Don't come any closer to criticizing the ex and leave it at that.

I just reinforced the loves you very much and does x, y, z for you. (X does nothing- so I stayed silent re: x).
But is this normal for an adult to do to a little kid?

[Anonymous]

It certainly isn't out of the ordinary. I have more than one friend whose exes have called the new stepfather a nasty name in front of the kid or have told the kid flat out that the stepfather has no authority over them and cannot make any rules limiting the kids' behaviors.

[Anonymous]

Go and find a family therapist.

I have no idea what "naughty word" means. It sounds like you're very tightly wound up, using that weird expression.

I'm divorced and try to be supportive, but really, getting remarried and mixing up families is very tough on children. You should have expected this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go and find a family therapist.

I have no idea what "naughty word" means. It sounds like you're very tightly wound up, using that weird expression.

I'm divorced and try to be supportive, but really, getting remarried and mixing up families is very tough on children. You should have expected this.

He used a curse word to refer to a person who loves his preschool aged child and who is loved by the preschool aged child .
Ex has refused therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It certainly isn't out of the ordinary. I have more than one friend whose exes have called the new stepfather a nasty name in front of the kid or have told the kid flat out that the stepfather has no authority over them and cannot make any rules limiting the kids' behaviors.

This is so unbelievable childish and counterproductive I'm
Speechless. Do these EXs live in the Dc area? I ask only because we are the nations capital etc and with that you have very powerful men and to think they act like spoiled high school mean girls when it comes to their own kids is terrifying.

[Anonymous]

^^ Yes. All of them. And all of them are well educated with good careers.

[Anonymous]

I agree with poster that you need to explain that sometimes adults get mad (like kids do) and say things they don't mean.
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I would not criticize X but I would acknowledge that words can hurt. You can also reflect your kid's feelings like "Q: how do you feel about that? A: i dunno. confused. Q: yes, it is confusing."

[Anonymous]

I think family therapy for you and your child might help.

But in the short term, if it happens again, I would ignore it at the moment. Then have an offline conversation with your kid about why people name call but why it's not nice to do so. Not sure how old your kid is. You can talk about strategies on how to address it the same way your kid might respond if someone was calling names of a friend on the play ground. They can choose to ignore and walk away or tell the person that it's not nice. I think in a situation with a parent, the child is better off ignoring it.

Basically, your ex is doing this b/c their angry/jealous and being childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think family therapy for you and your child might help.

But in the short term, if it happens again, I would ignore it at the moment. Then have an offline conversation with your kid about why people name call but why it's not nice to do so. Not sure how old your kid is. You can talk about strategies on how to address it the same way your kid might respond if someone was calling names of a friend on the play ground. They can choose to ignore and walk away or tell the person that it's not nice. I think in a situation with a parent, the child is better off ignoring it.

Basically, your ex is doing this b/c their angry/jealous and being childish.

Thank you. Yes he's very angry. He left us though which makes this even more mind boggling. I'll keep pressing for therapy.
Thanks all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think family therapy for you and your child might help.

But in the short term, if it happens again, I would ignore it at the moment. Then have an offline conversation with your kid about why people name call but why it's not nice to do so. Not sure how old your kid is. You can talk about strategies on how to address it the same way your kid might respond if someone was calling names of a friend on the play ground. They can choose to ignore and walk away or tell the person that it's not nice. I think in a situation with a parent, the child is better off ignoring it.

Basically, your ex is doing this b/c their angry/jealous and being childish.

Thank you. Yes he's very angry. He left us though which makes this even more mind boggling. I'll keep pressing for therapy.
Thanks all

not that strange. you have a preschooler, your ex left you and your child, and you now have a new stable partner who loves the child and is loved back. this seems to suggest that you found another partner not a long time after he left you. your ex' ego was hurt by the fact that you replaced him and are happy. he probably considered himself irreplaceable and was expecting to see you suffer in loneliness for years. he would not be the first guy who leaves a woman and then is disappointed that she did not become a cloister nun.