Sex life isn’t great, considering adult circumcision – WWYD

[Anonymous]

My DH experiences pain during sex. When his foreskin pulls back during sex it gets stuck and he has to use his hand to painfully pull it forward again. He’s not a whiner and has tried to downplay the pain for years but I can tell it is really painful for him. Our sex was never good and he often opted for oral instead. He likes giving and receiving oral.

DH didn’t want to acknowledge the problem. It’s obviously embarrassing for him. He was essentially a virgin when we met but I’ve had great sex lives with exs. I finally convinced him to see an Urologist about a year ago after about one year of pressuring him. The doctor recommended a dorsal slit (procedure in which is a small cut in the foreskin to allow it to pull back easier) or circumcision. My husband agreed to do the dorsal slit. It was a quick outpatient procedure and the healing time was just a few weeks. Post dorsal slit with a condom on allows us to have missionary sex about 50% of the time (he still can’t finish). The other 50% the foreskin pulls back, gets stuck and we have to stop because he is in pain. When that happens my husband recoils a bit, so now after a year we’re back to not having sex and just doing oral.

I recently brought up the idea of a circumcision and he says he is open to it but I know I’d have to pressure him a lot to do it. He’s happy with our oral-sex life. I’m nervous because an adult circumcision seems like an extreme procedure, it might not help or could potentially make things worse (googling it I’ve read stories of people who didn’t heal right. I know I should stop googling). DH was also a bit snarky after the dorsal slit and would often say things like I’m emasculating him etc. I know if I pressure him to do the circumcision and it goes wrong it could be really bad for us. On the other hand, we’re in our early 30s and if circumcision could fix the problem we’ll just wish he had done it sooner.

For what it’s worth, we’ve also been able to conceive – I used ovulation testing kits and when I’m in a fertile window I get him close to orgasm with my hand and I put him inside me to finish. It’s still a bit painful for him but he knows he needs to get the job done.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Anyone had a dorsal slit or adult circumcision? Is a chance at a good sex life worth pressuring your DH to have an adult circumcision?

[Anonymous]

ok yeah. definitely.Sorry you and your DH are having to experience this. You sound like a great wife!

[Anonymous]

Op, I am sad for both you and DH. This is tough. No advice, just sympathy!

[Anonymous]

This actually happened to one of my exes. We ended up breaking up over it because I just could live like that. He told me a few years later that he had gotten circed and it worked for him. I'm not sure if it was a slit or a full circ or whatnot.

This isn't that uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Why should OP have to go through her marriage without having the kind of sex she needs just because her DH has adhesions? It can be corrected. If the shoe were on the other foot and OP had a half closed vagina that precluded penetration, would you feel the same way?

[Anonymous]

Oh come on people. I view this as a medical issue. Leave your egos out of this.

Sounds like her DH would be happier with the result of circumcision if successful. I can't imagine being in my 30's and only doing oral for the next 40 years. He might be scared of the procedure (perhaps rightfully so), so he should talk to his doctor about all of the aspects of it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is not about elective circumcision. If those who would like to discuss it could move to a new thread, this one could stay on track.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to encourage him to investigate this more. Men are generally doctor adverse even when it's in their best interest.

No way would I put up with oral sex for the rest of my life when I knew there was a simple procedure....

[Anonymous]

Oh for God's sake just stop listening to the "educated" crowd. Do what works for your marriage.

[Anonymous]

I can certainly understand his fear about this. But there's a lot at stake here--and it can absolutely be fixed! You are a champion OP for being patient and reasonable about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to encourage him to investigate this more. Men are generally doctor adverse even when it's in their best interest.

No way would I put up with oral sex for the rest of my life when I knew there was a simple procedure….

Seriously, this is just a win-win for both of them. OP I know it's a cliché here but consider a couple or three counseling sessions. Discuss it with him in the presence of a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how he thinks you're emasculating him. I mean, I feel for the guy, the whole thing sounds difficult, but I'm not sure he understands what emasculating means. Unless he's saying you don't think his penis is good enough as is?

[Anonymous]

Isn't painful sex emasculating enough?

The decision has to be his.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure there are plenty of horror stories on the net. I feel compelled to tell mine, even though I highly doubt your husband would encounter the same problem as an adult.

btw, I know a man that got cut when he was in his early 80's ......... don't know why, not going there with him, urghhh my neighbor. My wife works in the hospital and came across him as a patient.

I have always had low blood pressure. I'm a grower. The delivery doc didn't know that. He took off way too much skin. I usually subconsciously don't get fully erect because it's somewhat painful, but livable with. So little skin left, that when I get hard, it has to use the skin reserved for my balls. It pulls my balls up tight against the shaft. Makes it painful because as I pump in her, the balls taking a beating with every pump. My cock just doesn't have enough skin to fully erect, thereby making my cock far thicker than average just so the blood has a place to go I guess , which does have it's advantages
There's a solution for my problem as well. Slicing the ball sac and redoing it. Which is far more complicated than a circ. The scary part for me is not knowing what my cock would look like, kinda an unknown. Not to mention about 5k out of my pocket. Your husband doesn't have that problem. He can simply pull back the skin and that's exactly what he gets. I wished I had his issue.

I say do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there are plenty of horror stories on the net. I feel compelled to tell mine, even though I highly doubt your husband would encounter the same problem as an adult.

btw, I know a man that got cut when he was in his early 80's ......... don't know why, not going there with him, urghhh my neighbor. My wife works in the hospital and came across him as a patient.

I have always had low blood pressure. I'm a grower. The delivery doc didn't know that. He took off way too much skin. I usually subconsciously don't get fully erect because it's somewhat painful, but livable with. So little skin left, that when I get hard, it has to use the skin reserved for my balls. It pulls my balls up tight against the shaft. Makes it painful because as I pump in her, the balls taking a beating with every pump. My cock just doesn't have enough skin to fully erect, thereby making my cock far thicker than average just so the blood has a place to go I guess , which does have it's advantages
There's a solution for my problem as well. Slicing the ball sac and redoing it. Which is far more complicated than a circ. The scary part for me is not knowing what my cock would look like, kinda an unknown. Not to mention about 5k out of my pocket. Your husband doesn't have that problem. He can simply pull back the skin and that's exactly what he gets. I wished I had his issue.

I say do it.

You have no concept of circumcision. It is extra skin. It is a flap that the head comes out of; it is not extra skin. Look at an anatomy book.