DH doesn't know where I work.

[Anonymous]

Today FIL asked DH where exactly he works. FIL lives abroad and doesn't speak English, so it was sort of understandable. Haha, how silly, we had a little giggle over it. Then, I don't know why, I asked DH, do you know where I work?

"Sure!" he said, "Department of X."

But do you know what sub-agency I work for?

"The... policy one? Where you do policy things?" <--I work in policy, but that is not in the name of the sub-agency, and I've worked at this job 8 months.

I don't really know what to make of this. Is this regular man-carelessness? Am I expecting too much that I would think he knows this? Or does he really absolutely not give a shit about my career at all, or pay attention to anything I say? He's SEEN my resume, he knows I work in an area that I care about. Is this because English is his second language? Am I just that bad at communicating? I just feel that this is weird.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I'm a scrub nurse so I have a specific duty. If I asked DH where I worked and he probably wouldn't get to the scrub nurse part. It would probably end in "you work in X OR and help the doctor". Is that how far your dh is getting? Or is it more like if mine said "yeah you work at Y Hospital in the OR but I don't know which OR?" There's a difference. I don't know a lot of the technical aspects of DH's job, not my area of expertise. I know semi specifics enough to tell someone else, but nothing in depth (he's a CTO but does a lot of programming and developing).

It's hard to figure out if your job in policy is confusing to him because he doesn't know anything about that area or if he doesn't even get the generalized version of it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to break this to you, but if you are a fed you speak a language that no one in the real world understands. If you are telling us that you are a GS - 10 deputy under secretary to the assistant director of XX department at the YY subagency of the Department of ZZ, do you really expect non-bureaucrats to get that? (Let alone, appreciate what you do?)

[Anonymous]

I thought you were going to say you work at the strip club, and DH doesnt know lol. No, that's fine. DH knows I work for X Agency, OGC, but not the name of my group. He knows I practice contracts, and that's it.

[Anonymous]

My friend can't explain what her husband does for a living. My husband had to ask her husband like three times and then explain it back to us. Some people have simpler job titles than others. Not a big deal in my mind.

[Anonymous]

I love my husband very much but I have no real idea what he does for the reasons that 1856 listed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to break this to you, but if you are a fed you speak a language that no one in the real world understands. If you are telling us that you are a GS - 10 deputy under secretary to the assistant director of XX department at the YY subagency of the Department of ZZ, do you really expect non-bureaucrats to get that? (Let alone, appreciate what you do?)

+1000
It's all gobbledy gook to anyone outside of your field. And, yes, having a different native language can certainly make it more difficult to remember your department name.

[Anonymous]

When dh and I started dating, it probably took me close to a year to understand that he worked for the National Guard, not the Reserves. I agree with pp that you probably speak a language your dh doesn't understand. The distinctions within your agency are likely very clear to you, but are honestly clear as mud to outsiders. I wouldn't stress about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to break this to you, but if you are a fed you speak a language that no one in the real world understands. If you are telling us that you are a GS - 10 deputy under secretary to the assistant director of XX department at the YY subagency of the Department of ZZ, do you really expect non-bureaucrats to get that? (Let alone, appreciate what you do?)

Ok, that's what I was hoping. I was a little hurt, because I am somewhat passionate about my work and if someone asks me about it at a dinner party or something I'll talk about it, but I don't really talk about it at home and it's probably too much to expect DH to really know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband very much but I have no real idea what he does for the reasons that 1856 listed.

Me, too. No clue, and it feels braggy to say his whole title, since in corporate world everyone has these super long titles to decipher, so I just say the name of the company and general area, like he works in IT at Cisco

[Anonymous]

Look, I'm a federal contractor going on 23 years at my agency. My wife has been at her agency every since we met 16 years ago. Unfortunately, since the organizational structure of her agency is different from the organizational structure of my agency, I get confused. Between the directorate, division, branch, whatever, I know some of the names of organizational levels, but they also seem to reorg every couple of years and then one of the levels changes. I can keep my own agency levels straight, but not someone else's.

I listen when she talks. I know her boss's names and a small handful of her co-workers names. After that, I'm polite, ask questions, and try to keep the general information straight (Oh, is that boss squared? That's the guy in the other division that you interact with regularly? Oh, that's the incompetent one, right?).

And she has about the same level of comprehension of the people and levels in my agency. It works.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was something interesting, like you were a spy!

[Anonymous]

I took a business card out of my husband's card holder so I could tell anyone asking what he did for his job. I know WHERE he works not sure what he does exactly. I am not foreign.

[Anonymous]

Oh, I mean, I know what agency my husband works for and have some general idea of the kind of work he does, but we are in very different fields, and I really couldn't name the sub agency, department etc. that he is in - and he has worked there 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was something interesting, like you were a spy!

Sorry! Have you seen The Americans? That's a very good spy show, get your fix there.