MIL highly offended that we dont keep the stuff she gives us,.

[Anonymous]

Clothes for the kids. The 1970s style Corningware she gave my husband in 1990. The 1968 changing table she passed on to me and wants her great grandchildren to use. My husbands cloth diapers from 1970 that our kids never wore. Giant play kitchen bought for kids. She is insufferably sentimental (or I'm insufferably stoic) and becomes highly anxious or upset when we tell her we donated what she gave us to Goodwill because our kids or household have outgrown said items.

Giant 1968 diaper changing table and giant beat to hell play kitchen...hold on to both for the next 30 years until grandchildren arrive? Who thinks like this?

Just venting really...husband not acquiescing to her...the veiled hurt looks from her just plain irk me...

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like this.

Don't worry to much about her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Maybe consider changing your tactics. It sounds like maybe you enjoy letting her know the stuff isn't good enough. A couple of suggestions:

- suggest she keep some of these items at her house for when the grandkids come over
- find a cause other than goodwill that you are excited about and to the extent you need to tell grandma you got rid of something let her know about the cause (A Wider Circle comes to mind).

[Anonymous]

Tell her you don't have room anymore, but would love for her to hold onto the items so that they can be around for the next generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you don't have room anymore, but would love for her to hold onto the items so that they can be around for the next generation.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this.

Don't worry to much about her feelings.

That's lovely. I hope someday nobody worries about your feelings, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe consider changing your tactics. It sounds like maybe you enjoy letting her know the stuff isn't good enough. A couple of suggestions:

- suggest she keep some of these items at her house for when the grandkids come over
- find a cause other than goodwill that you are excited about and to the extent you need to tell grandma you got rid of something let her know about the cause (A Wider Circle comes to mind).

Op here. We actually NEVER volunteer info to her that we got rid of stuff. She has a mind like a steel trap and actually notices if stuff is no longer in our household!!! LOL! She brings stuff to the house all the time and I politely accept but then recycle or pass on to someone else..."where are the empty food storage containers I gave you three years ago?" "Wheres that pencil sharpener I gave you six years ago?" "Please dont ever throw away that crayon tin I bought for unborn grand children in 1992!". Really the sentiment is sweet but I have zero tolerance for saving stuff that has outgrown its usefulness!

Knitted, handmade items passed down from older generation I would never get rid of..but a Little Tykes play kitchen that kids aren't using anymore? Oyyyy! I have hoarders in my family and dont want to activate any dormant hoarding genes I might be carrying around...

Like the idea of having her store the stuff at her house...although I'm sure she will break down and cry when we suggest it.

[Anonymous]

I think (and say this to myself when my mother did the same to me) that "things" were more valuable and valued in yesteryears. Today stuff is so inexpensive (and in many cases better quality) that we don't associate the same emotions with it as our parents did. We are all drowning in "things" and frankly, there are so many choices we can usually find exactly what we are looking for without much effort.

Which is a long way of saying, she's not insane. She's just of a different generation. We don't attach our emotions to "stuff" in the same way.

[Anonymous]

She sounds mentally ill. Can dh encourage her to speak with a therapist or something? Keeping used cloth diapers for 40 years isn't "sentimental," it is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think (and say this to myself when my mother did the same to me) that "things" were more valuable and valued in yesteryears. Today stuff is so inexpensive (and in many cases better quality) that we don't associate the same emotions with it as our parents did. We are all drowning in "things" and frankly, there are so many choices we can usually find exactly what we are looking for without much effort.

Which is a long way of saying, she's not insane. She's just of a different generation. We don't attach our emotions to "stuff" in the same way.

Op here. THANK YOU for pointing this out!

[Anonymous]

Is she a hoarder? She sounds like her home would be made for one of those hoarding shows.

I would let it go. You do not sound ungrateful and decades old used cloth diapers are gross. Keep what matters and donate or toss the rest. It is her issue not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her you don't have room anymore, but would love for her to hold onto the items so that they can be around for the next generation.

Agreed.

And hope and pray you can toss them from MIL's house before she becomes a great-grandmother and pressures the next generation with the same stuff?

No, it is not worth the OP's time and energy to manage her MIL's feelings in the way, let alone schlep outdated furniture around. Unless it's something very small and easily transportable, not to mention actually usable, this is not the way to go.

Is MIL asking about every item? I'd find some way to deflect it, or simply re-direct her to DH and ask him to handle these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We actually NEVER volunteer info to her that we got rid of stuff. She has a mind like a steel trap and actually notices if stuff is no longer in our household!!! LOL! She brings stuff to the house all the time and I politely accept but then recycle or pass on to someone else..."where are the empty food storage containers I gave you three years ago?" "Wheres that pencil sharpener I gave you six years ago?" "Please dont ever throw away that crayon tin I bought for unborn grand children in 1992!". Really the sentiment is sweet but I have zero tolerance for saving stuff that has outgrown its usefulness!

Knitted, handmade items passed down from older generation I would never get rid of..but a Little Tykes play kitchen that kids aren't using anymore? Oyyyy! I have hoarders in my family and dont want to activate any dormant hoarding genes I might be carrying around...

Like the idea of having her store the stuff at her house...although I'm sure she will break down and cry when we suggest it.

Well, maybe it would be better not to accept the stuff.

"Oh, Marge, so kind of you to offer us the crayon tin. But you know, I get so overwhelmed with all the kids' stuff that I won't be able to hold on to it. I think it would be safest if you held on to it. The kids would love to use it at your house."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she a hoarder? She sounds like her home would be made for one of those hoarding shows.

I would let it go. You do not sound ungrateful and decades old used cloth diapers are gross. Keep what matters and donate or toss the rest. It is her issue not yours.

This is what I thought of immediately.

[Anonymous]

Ah, just saw your follow-up. OP, your MIL sounds like some of my relatives who suffer from hoarding. Don't feel bad about getting rid of things--and, frankly, be proud that you're teaching your kids something about managing clutter.

Is there any way to prevent some of that stuff from coming in in the first place? My very loving relatives overwhelmed me with stuff in a way that made me resent them after awhile growing up…hard as they were otherwise very caring and loving.