Is it disingenuous to get a new job when I plan to try to get pregnant with in 1-1.5 years?
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Anonymous
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Collective wisdom of DC Urban Moms (and Dads)
I'm a mid-30s professional woman. I'm a consultant now at a good firm, manager level, successful and close to a promotion point. I'm one of the most senior women on my team, but I don't feel like gender has gotten in the way of my career... yet. However, the hours of the job are grueling (65-80 per week), and the travel can be pretty difficult as well. It is not a sustainable option should I decide to have children, unless I give up client-facing work for a while. I'm still learning a great bit, but not sure the post-promotion point role is right for me (not sure I want to sell consulting work), and I have been thinking of leaving for some time. I'm starting to family plan and would like to start trying for a baby within the next year. The question is: should I stay in my current role for pregnancy / maternity or start something new which may be more compatible with mom hours, only to start and have to go on maternity leave a year or less into the role? I have an opportunity to move into a Director level position at a company - the role is exciting and the team seems great. I have great benefits at my current job (decent maternity, opportunity to take an extended period off with a small portion of salary after that, invitro benefits, adoption benefits, etc.)... while I think I could get through pregnancy / maternity in my current role, I think I couldn't continue on as a client-facing consulting for the first few years of child rearing. Alternatively, the maternity / benefits at the new role are less favorable, but I think I could swing it as a mom longer term (instead of 12-16 hours per day, more of an ~8 hour schedule, albeit still trying at times) and still be in a career advancing position. To be clear, I think I would like to be a WM not a SAHM (although I have tons of respect and admiration for the latter, it may not be the right choice for me). So do I stick it out in the current job through pregnancy/ maternity and find something afterwards? Or jump now to a great opportunity, but have to have the difficult conversations around maternity and parenthood? And which is worse from an employer perspective? Take extended maternity and then leave, or start something new and then take maternity leave? |
Anonymous
| Do what is best for your career. Don't mommy track yourself when you haven't even gotten pregnant yet! That could take years or never happen. Pick the job you want and don't think about childcare etc yet. you'll figure that out when u get to it. |
Anonymous
| Before I read your post I thought "of course not. Live your life. Read Lean In." Nothing in your post changed my mind. |
Anonymous
| I agree completely w/ the PP; don't mommy track yourself. Way too many women do this and it contributes to the wage gap. Decide what is best for you and your career as it currently stands. Once you have a child you can figure out what is best for you and your family. |
Anonymous
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Pregnancy is no guarantee. And becoming a parent, when and if it happens, can change your heart and perspective too.
For now, don't count too many chickens before they hatch. You are presuming a lot. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| BTW- men never ask themselves this question and if you married the right person his job will be impacted as much as yours. |
Anonymous
Plus 1 |
Anonymous
| I started a new job at exactly the same point in my career and personal life. I did get pregnant at the 1.5 year point and planned to stay on after I had the baby. Work (federal position) was supportive of me during pregnancy. I ultimately left the job after going back for 6 months after baby came, and was terribly concerned about what that "looked like." My colleagues and managers were so understanding and very much supportive of my decision to leave. At the end of the day, most of the people you're working with are parents too, all of whom have grappled with difficult decisions when t comes to managing work and family. Very few people judge you negatively for weighing your personal life with your professional life, and if they do judge you they're not people you want to work with anyway. Good luck on whatever paj you choose, and do choose what feels right to you and not what you think "looks right" to others. |
Anonymous
That is complete BS. I, a man, decided on a lower paying 40-60hr week career instead of investment banking because I want to be part of my kids lives. Money and prestige are so overrated. I would rather die leaving memories and life lessons for my children than a few million. |
Anonymous
| Sorry PPs but lean in is kind of bs unless you have a spouse that can be the default parent. Plus it's really hard to be a mom when you're traveling a lot and working 60 hours a week. Op - I mommy tracked myself by moving to a job with no travel and fewer hours and had my first about 18 months after starting For me it was a great decision. Most companies will not be surprised if a woman in her 30s gets pregnant. |
Anonymous
Just wanted to add - my partner, similar. wanted a family friendly job, was quite conscious about that and making room for the kid in his life. Me? A little less so. |
Anonymous
| Take the opportunity that excites you. The only reason I would have said "don't go" is if you wouldn't have been at a new job a year before maternity leave. |
Anonymous
Did your kids exist when you made that decision? |
Anonymous
| Take the job |