"Daddy's not part of our family" (DH working a LOT lately so not home for kids)
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Anonymous
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This morning as I was getting the kids ready for daycare, DS (4) started naming everyone who lives in the house... Mommy, cat, fish, sister. I asked "What about Daddy? DS responded "Daddy's not part of our family".
I deflected as much as I could, reminding him that he'll see Daddy this weekend, we talk to him every night at bedtime, Daddy loves us all very much, etc, but DS just shrugged. I feel so bad for DS!!! DH is home every night, but for the last few weeks has been leaving before the kids get up and gets home after they're in bed, so they basically have seen him for two days in the last three weeks. I know how to handle the kids with this, but my question is - do I tell DH about what DS said? His work schedule will go back to normal shortly, and I know he already feels awful for not seeing the kids. On one hand, having DH know DS said this would break his heart. On the other hand, I think he needs to know exactly how his schedule is affecting the kids. I don't if he could have done much to change it, but maybe leave notes for the kids? Longer phone calls? ??? Would you tell you husband/wife what DS said? Or let it go knowing it's a temporary situation... |
Anonymous
| Oh man. I wouldn't tell your husband unless you're both ready for him to quit his job immediately--I think my husband might. Can you just tell him that you think the kids are missing him a ton and maybe arrange a special outing for them this weekend! |
Anonymous
| ! = ?, sorry. |
Anonymous
| If it were me I would tell DH, but that's because I know he would want to know even if he couldn't do anything about it right away. Mine travels for work a lot and makes an effort to Skype, call, etc as much as he can but sometimes he travels to places where he just can't have communication. This is much better than when he was active duty military (only one kid then and too young to notice), so I try to remind myself that it's better than it could have been. I have the kids write him cards for when he comes home, take videos to send him, things like that, and DH reciprocates from wherever he is. So far working ok for us. Good luck OP and hope the work schedule calms down soon. |
Anonymous
| Dont tell him if it is a temporary situation. If you do he might take it the wrong way, think that you are complaining or trying to imply something |
Anonymous
| Of course not |
Anonymous
| Tell Dad that junior is really missing him, and help them carve out time for something really special on the weekend(s). |
Anonymous
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OP again,
Thanks everyone! I hear what you're saying. I"m thinking maybe just saying "REALLY misses you" is the way to go (which I'm sure he knows anyway). just for the record, when I wrote " think he needs to know exactly how his schedule is affecting the kids." I really just meant that having an accurate picture of how things stand so he'd know why DS is being extra clingy or a little aloof, maybe he can arrange the work he does in the office so he can bring things home, etc. It wasn't meant to be any kind of an attack saying 'LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO DS!!!" 
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Anonymous
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My 4 yo sees daddy plenty - mornings and evenings, dinner and bedtime.... But DS is in a mommy phase. If I talk about wanting to take a family trip, DS says, "only me and mommy!" or who in this house do you love - "only mommy!" (there's a sister and a pet too that he ignores).
So while maybe it's time to think about dad having a little more face time, know that it could just be a phase as well. |
Anonymous
| Tell him. He kind of has a right to know. Then make sure your DH can skype with your child at least once a day in the middle of the day in addition to the goodnight call. |
Anonymous
| My dad was gone Mon-Fri for 9 months when I was 6. Every Friday night he'd get home after I went to bed and he'd come in and leave something at the foot of my bed. It was little things like a beach ball when he was in Florida, a San Francisco keychain, a Hard Rock Cafe Las Vegas teddy bear. Then on the weekend he'd take me to breakfast. I was the youngest of 4, but I seemed to have the greatest separation issues and needed that extra time with him. When I got older he would take me on a weekend trip twice a year wherever I wanted to go. Work schedules can suck, but you can work around them. |
Anonymous
| I would tell him. I hate when spouses keep secrets about the kids. |
Anonymous
| I would tell him too. I'd probably also say things like "I don't mean this as a guilt trip and I know your schedule will change soon but I thought you should know..." or whatever to make your intentions about telling him very clear. |
Anonymous
My husband did the same thing. No matter where he went, a t shirt and trinket came home with him. OP, I would tell your husband. Your son is bothered by this and his Daddy needs to know. |
Anonymous
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OP, I would not dispute DC, but also don't make a big deal out of it.
The reason not to dispute is important. You do not want to dampen DC's intuition. She's right on. Out of the mouth of babes (an old expression). Trusting her own judgement will provide her with a very solid foundation in life, in all circumstances. This is probably a larger issue than the presence of one or another parents. Many people grow up ok, maybe not optimally, but ok with a some-what absent/not-so-involved parent. Very common. It's not a tragedy. Don't make it one. I'm sorry. I know it hurts. It's not a tra |