Spouse Changing Story Five Years After

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she didn’t mention it bc you are weird and jealous?

If he's anything like my husband, that's the answer. I would never ever cheat, just something I know about myself, but when I used to have a social life in the first 10 years of marriage, I would rarely mention if a guy was around when out my sisters or girl friends.

I think it's this too. If anything had happened they wouldn't be casually talking about it now, Tom would be a "he who shall not be named." She probably knows you're the jealous type and didn't want to deal with your lack of trust and making something out of nothing, so just didn't mention it. And here you are, 5 years later making a big deal out of something most likely innocuous, so seems she was right about that part.

Ding ding ding.

If she actually slept with Tom, she wouldn’t mention him even now. She didn’t mention him then because you are absurdly jealous and controlling. It’s been five years so she is not as vigilant now because she knows nothing happened and there is no reason to leave Tom out. The fact that you are even THINKING there is something to this means you need some serious therapy.

DP.

Op is an “absurdly controlling and jealous” husband? Where are you getting that??

Do you routinely go out to bars without your spouse, and get so hammered you can’t make it home? (be wise that’s what OP’s wife did - but he let that part go completely for 5 years - which doesn’t sound controlling to me).

This whole thing only came up because she lied for 5 years about who was really there all night: her ex.

[Anonymous]

I doubt anything happened. But she absolutely lied to you, and that's not ok. She didn't just "forget" to tell you her ex-bf was there.

Not sure about all these people who are justifying her lie because she's afraid of an awkward conversation with you.

[Anonymous]

Tough one. A generally similar thing happened to me. And yes, weeks later, she admitted cheating (not with an ex). Watch out for those girls nights where your wife returns after 4 am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she didn’t mention it bc you are weird and jealous?

If he's anything like my husband, that's the answer. I would never ever cheat, just something I know about myself, but when I used to have a social life in the first 10 years of marriage, I would rarely mention if a guy was around when out my sisters or girl friends.

I think it's this too. If anything had happened they wouldn't be casually talking about it now, Tom would be a "he who shall not be named." She probably knows you're the jealous type and didn't want to deal with your lack of trust and making something out of nothing, so just didn't mention it. And here you are, 5 years later making a big deal out of something most likely innocuous, so seems she was right about that part.

Ding ding ding.

If she actually slept with Tom, she wouldn’t mention him even now. She didn’t mention him then because you are absurdly jealous and controlling. It’s been five years so she is not as vigilant now because she knows nothing happened and there is no reason to leave Tom out. The fact that you are even THINKING there is something to this means you need some serious therapy.

off your meds? you're f'ing crazy.

[Anonymous]

Nothing happened, let it go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing happened, let it go

How can you be so sure? And,

- if nothing happened with Tom that night, why did she lie and also stay out all night long?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife went out for drinks with friends five years ago. Got too drunk to drive home and didn't want to leave car behind so she spent the night with a girlfriend. I saw pics on FB of them in the bar drinking so I know that part happened.

The next day she told me who was there- all girlfriends. No mention of any guys or interactions with guys.

Last week she met up with the same girls at the same place. Shed seen all of them dozens of times in the interim, but had not been at that particular bar/restuarant since.

While telling me sbout the night she- unsolicited- remarks that ahe hasnt been back there since that night with Susie, Sara, Lisa, Courtney, Scott, and... Tom.

Tom is her ex-bf.

I said nothing and am waiting until I am sure how to approach this.

Can you think of any reason at all (except for the obvious) why she would have kept that part secret for so long?

Your moment to be the man in that marriage passed. The right moment to approach this is after posting to this discussion board? You've got to be kidding. I hope she has a great reunion with her ex. You aure aren't going to do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

How often do nights out turn into girlfriend sleepovers? I guess rarely because you remember it from 5 years ago? I know my DW has never slept over after going out, but she is not a huge drinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do nights out turn into girlfriend sleepovers? I guess rarely because you remember it from 5 years ago? I know my DW has never slept over after going out, but she is not a huge drinker.

Wife did a lot. I later found the girlfriends were a cover story/alibi for her meeting the AP. She would sometimes meet the girlfriend early send a photo of them drinking and then head off to the hotel to stay with him. Girlfriend lived closer to bars so it seemed plausible for being safe and not driving home.

She was manipulative as hell and a stone cold liar.

[Anonymous]

Five years ago? Who cares?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I doubt anything happened. But she absolutely lied to you, and that's not ok. She didn't just "forget" to tell you her ex-bf was there.

Not sure about all these people who are justifying her lie because she's afraid of an awkward conversation with you.

I agree with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough one. A generally similar thing happened to me. And yes, weeks later, she admitted cheating (not with an ex). Watch out for those girls nights where your wife returns after 4 am.

Absolutely. She got spit-roasted that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing happened and she didn't tell you because look what you're doing now.

Exactly this...

[Anonymous]

I find it strange your wife stayed at a friends house. I have gotten too drunk to drive home and either taken an Uber or got a ride home, then husband takes me to get my car in the morning. Does she spend the night out often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it strange your wife stayed at a friends house. I have gotten too drunk to drive home and either taken an Uber or got a ride home, then husband takes me to get my car in the morning. Does she spend the night out often?

Only when getting plowed by other men ...