"We can't afford to have him for all of August"

[Anonymous]

I am a foster parent to kids who reside with their parents, except for respite care with me. My foster kids qualify for free meals at their school. They also are in a “backpack” program and food comes home on Friday afternoon in their backpacks and this helps for their weekend. The ONLY thing that works is the backpack program in my observation because it requires nothing from the parents. The parents will not take the kids to the schools for free meals in the summer. Period.

They live in a low income subsidized apartment building. If there was one of those programs where a school bus brought the school food to the building and the kids could go outside to meet the bus, my foster kids would show up for that. Again, there is no need for the parents to drive. (I have seen that school bus program happening in some communities in the news). My kids would meet that bus to get the food. But the parents are not going to be driving to the school midday for meals for the kids. That is not happening. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that is the reality. I have learned that there are some realities like this. I am responding to the suggestion in this thread about the dad taking the kid to school for free lunch in the summer.

I do not have suggestions for OP. I am just sharing my observations on some of the suggestions in the thread. Take it as just one data point.

As an aside, if you readers live in a community that has a backpack program, please support it. That program works.

[Anonymous]

I think this is probably 10% about food costs and 90% about dad trying to get out of having his child visit, either because it’s inconvenient for him or, more likely, the girlfriend doesn’t want the child there. No way I’d send my child into a situation where he’s unwanted. Does custody agreement say anything about significant others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is his problem to figure out. And he will.

IT is also the mother's problem. The father told her the situation and anyone with a brain would understand and either send the money or bring child home.

If he's paying child support while the child is not with her, she could be decent and send some groceries.

He has no Job! What’s is he paying support with. Gtfoh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he having trouble finding work? There are signs everywhere that they are hiring.
I was helping a friend search for a job and came across ads on Indeed where Big Lots says they are even willing to hire felons.
Is he in the DC area?

A lot of people don't WANT to work. We just had a furniture delivery cancelled for another 2 months because they can't find delivery drivers. Absurd

Rent a truck and get it yourself. Its back breaking minimum wage jobs. They can do better. You try it for a week.

Wrong answer.

The correct answer is that the furniture store needs to pay a competitive wage, which will increase the delivery cost to an appropriate level

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a foster parent to kids who reside with their parents, except for respite care with me. My foster kids qualify for free meals at their school. They also are in a “backpack” program and food comes home on Friday afternoon in their backpacks and this helps for their weekend. The ONLY thing that works is the backpack program in my observation because it requires nothing from the parents. The parents will not take the kids to the schools for free meals in the summer. Period.

They live in a low income subsidized apartment building. If there was one of those programs where a school bus brought the school food to the building and the kids could go outside to meet the bus, my foster kids would show up for that. Again, there is no need for the parents to drive. (I have seen that school bus program happening in some communities in the news). My kids would meet that bus to get the food. But the parents are not going to be driving to the school midday for meals for the kids. That is not happening. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that is the reality. I have learned that there are some realities like this. I am responding to the suggestion in this thread about the dad taking the kid to school for free lunch in the summer.

I do not have suggestions for OP. I am just sharing my observations on some of the suggestions in the thread. Take it as just one data point.

As an aside, if you readers live in a community that has a backpack program, please support it. That program works.

This has zero relevance. Child is visiting with Dad. Dad doesn't have custody so he is not eligible for food programs except the free food pick ups at schools or community organizations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is probably 10% about food costs and 90% about dad trying to get out of having his child visit, either because it’s inconvenient for him or, more likely, the girlfriend doesn’t want the child there. No way I’d send my child into a situation where he’s unwanted. Does custody agreement say anything about significant others?

Or, it may be a money issue if money is tight and he still pays full child support when the child is with him.

[Anonymous]

I’m a non-custodial parent who was in this situation a few years ago: had a start date but no job, and hadn’t received unemployment insurance money. I signed up for food stamps (SNAP) and borrowed money from my parents. It all worked out.

[Anonymous]

I'm not divorced but in this situation, I will keep my child with me. I'm all for keeping up ties with parents but if the parent is sending a message that the child is not wanted, I will gladly keep my child with me, where they are wanted always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is probably 10% about food costs and 90% about dad trying to get out of having his child visit, either because it’s inconvenient for him or, more likely, the girlfriend doesn’t want the child there. No way I’d send my child into a situation where he’s unwanted. Does custody agreement say anything about significant others?

Or, it may be a money issue if money is tight and he still pays full child support when the child is with him.

How would he be paying full child support with no job? Seriously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is probably 10% about food costs and 90% about dad trying to get out of having his child visit, either because it’s inconvenient for him or, more likely, the girlfriend doesn’t want the child there. No way I’d send my child into a situation where he’s unwanted. Does custody agreement say anything about significant others?

Or, it may be a money issue if money is tight and he still pays full child support when the child is with him.

How would he be paying full child support with no job? Seriously

In my state, the parent with less custody always pays regardless of their respective incomes. I would definitely be fussing if I was unemployed and either paying child support or accruing unpaid support and my ex had gotten all the stimulus money. I don't know the story of this family. Dad could be a total deadbeat, but there are plenty of people who are legitimately suffering and not able to find employment that pays enough to help them catch up while also covering rising costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he having trouble finding work? There are signs everywhere that they are hiring.
I was helping a friend search for a job and came across ads on Indeed where Big Lots says they are even willing to hire felons.
Is he in the DC area?

A lot of people don't WANT to work. We just had a furniture delivery cancelled for another 2 months because they can't find delivery drivers. Absurd

The entitlement in this comment is what's absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is he having trouble finding work? There are signs everywhere that they are hiring.
I was helping a friend search for a job and came across ads on Indeed where Big Lots says they are even willing to hire felons.
Is he in the DC area?

A lot of people don't WANT to work. We just had a furniture delivery cancelled for another 2 months because they can't find delivery drivers. Absurd

The entitlement in this comment is what's absurd.

I get so sick of hearing people don't want to work. Organizations that pay people and provide benefits have no problem finding employees. The problem is people have realized how much they risk and their value because of covid. Many of the people who died from covid were minimum wage workers with limited benefits.

Even taking away extra unemployment people still aren't clamouring for jobs. Why do you think that is? I can work 40 hours and still not be able to make that expensive rent in my gentrified city. Whether I work or not I'm still struggling. I think people are drawing this conclusion and making decisions accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a foster parent to kids who reside with their parents, except for respite care with me. My foster kids qualify for free meals at their school. They also are in a “backpack” program and food comes home on Friday afternoon in their backpacks and this helps for their weekend. The ONLY thing that works is the backpack program in my observation because it requires nothing from the parents. The parents will not take the kids to the schools for free meals in the summer. Period.

They live in a low income subsidized apartment building. If there was one of those programs where a school bus brought the school food to the building and the kids could go outside to meet the bus, my foster kids would show up for that. Again, there is no need for the parents to drive. (I have seen that school bus program happening in some communities in the news). My kids would meet that bus to get the food. But the parents are not going to be driving to the school midday for meals for the kids. That is not happening. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that is the reality. I have learned that there are some realities like this. I am responding to the suggestion in this thread about the dad taking the kid to school for free lunch in the summer.

I do not have suggestions for OP. I am just sharing my observations on some of the suggestions in the thread. Take it as just one data point.

As an aside, if you readers live in a community that has a backpack program, please support it. That program works.

Backpack programs work, but not always as intended.

I volunteer in an elementary school, and one little girl came up to me as I was putting the backpacks into the lockers on her hall one Friday. She wanted to know if she and her brother in the next grade could each have an extra backpack, that way there would be enough food for them to have food for each meal.

The program only gives enough for one child to have three meals and two snacks per day until they get back to school. The backpacks are only for school age children, but in that situation, there were three younger children, and the parents were dividing 2 children's meals and snacks into meals for the 5 children.

I don't know that there is a perfect answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I knew my kid wasn’t wanted or welcome I wouldn’t send them. This is awful for the poor kid.

Same! But would probably file for custody modification

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a foster parent to kids who reside with their parents, except for respite care with me. My foster kids qualify for free meals at their school. They also are in a “backpack” program and food comes home on Friday afternoon in their backpacks and this helps for their weekend. The ONLY thing that works is the backpack program in my observation because it requires nothing from the parents. The parents will not take the kids to the schools for free meals in the summer. Period.

They live in a low income subsidized apartment building. If there was one of those programs where a school bus brought the school food to the building and the kids could go outside to meet the bus, my foster kids would show up for that. Again, there is no need for the parents to drive. (I have seen that school bus program happening in some communities in the news). My kids would meet that bus to get the food. But the parents are not going to be driving to the school midday for meals for the kids. That is not happening. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that is the reality. I have learned that there are some realities like this. I am responding to the suggestion in this thread about the dad taking the kid to school for free lunch in the summer.

I do not have suggestions for OP. I am just sharing my observations on some of the suggestions in the thread. Take it as just one data point.

As an aside, if you readers live in a community that has a backpack program, please support it. That program works.

Backpack programs work, but not always as intended.

I volunteer in an elementary school, and one little girl came up to me as I was putting the backpacks into the lockers on her hall one Friday. She wanted to know if she and her brother in the next grade could each have an extra backpack, that way there would be enough food for them to have food for each meal.

The program only gives enough for one child to have three meals and two snacks per day until they get back to school. The backpacks are only for school age children, but in that situation, there were three younger children, and the parents were dividing 2 children's meals and snacks into meals for the 5 children.

I don't know that there is a perfect answer.

I teach MS and also saw this with some of the families we serve. There’s usually some food from WIC (milk, cheese, juice, cereal, and PB or tuna) for the kids 0-5, but it’s meant to be supplemented with other foods either from SNAP or income. We need a better system for feeding hungry children.