Small house, 1 bathroom, family of 3 + 6 adult houseguests... and a dog

[Anonymous]

Hi, all. OP again.

Thanks for the perspectives, sincerely.

DH and I had a discussion today that was largely academic, because we agreed to at least offer to let our nieces stay, but not BIL/SIL/dog. So that would be 6 adults + 1 kid and no dog.

He definitely leaned more (not completely) towards "this is no big deal/fun" BUT was hung up on the dog/flea situation anyway and also felt that the person for whom this was more problematic (me) should have final say.

The immigrant PP nailed it regarding what was normal for him-- DH and his siblings are POC who immigrated here as kids (I am white and did not). This morning he relayed another story about family visiting his own first townhouse in the US, which amounted to 11 adults plus 4 kids in, I think, a 4BR/2.5BA.

I'd believe the adults were fine with it, but I'd equally believe they found it a big pain in some ways. He was a kid and one of the adults was also their full time nanny/housekeeper. Which he actually brought up/acknowledged.

Despite different upbringings-- although I experienced this occasionally growing up-- I am basically a more/merrier person too. But as we talked, it became clear that he was less concerned with the comfort of our guests than I was-- I'm not actually extremely put out personally, but I can see how the white in-laws and the American adult kids might be, to varying degrees. He was like, well, we just have folks sign up for a bathroom hour by family, whatever, they'll figure it out. He actually said maybe I'm a nicer person than he is-- not usually true!-- but I said no, I'm a woman, I'm socialized this way.

Like I said, a moot point anyway, but an interesting difference.

For sure this was also colored by my issues with older BIL. DH has the healthier perspective that it doesn't matter his brother's motivations-- we either accommodate or don't. But it's true that I found this plan more off-putting because I know how BIL was thinking (or rather not thinking) of others when he came up with it. Ah, well.

[Anonymous]

OP just adding-- not to do an "I told you so," but I think with just my nieces added on, it will both be more manageable AND I hope show DH that we will already be at capacity with just 4 more adults in the house.

[Anonymous]

I would just urge you not to “own” problem solving all the logistics here even with just the nieces. If your husband thinks this is so great, he can figure it out.

I am not saying to be a jerk, but you don’t have to jump in and coordinate the bathroom schedule, blowing up the air mattresses, etc. let your husband take the lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just urge you not to “own” problem solving all the logistics here even with just the nieces. If your husband thinks this is so great, he can figure it out.

I am not saying to be a jerk, but you don’t have to jump in and coordinate the bathroom schedule, blowing up the air mattresses, etc. let your husband take the lead.

Good advice, and I probably did need the reminder!

[Anonymous]

Um, there are stomach bugs going around. I mention that because we once had this situation with everyone slowly catching a stomach flu. Not fun.

[Anonymous]

I would do that in an emergency situation.

I would not do that for your situation. I'm surprised they'd even request it if they knew the other guests would be there too. It's... rude.

[Anonymous]

No way would I agree to this madness. Why can’t folks stay in a hotel? They can still hang out at your place.

[Anonymous]

If it is only two nights, i think I'd say yes, but I would remind them of what you have to offer. "Older BIL's family can have DC's loft bed and the pull-out couch in the same room, younger BIL and wife can have an air mattress in our office. If anyone needs more space, their in a couch in the living room. Don't forget the 9 of us will be sharing one bathroom!" You and DH stay in your bed and buy a twin air mattress for your DC. Don't give up your master bedroom to make this more comfortable for them. As it is you are taking DC into your room and giving up DC's room. How old are the adult daughters? Are they going to like this plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still shaking my head at this whole dog situation. I love dogs but I don’t understand how you could even entertain this idea. How ridiculously disrespectful to think that someone with a dog allergy could host your dog.

No no no no

Seriously. This is outright rude.

[Anonymous]

This is like my greatest fear LOL.

[Anonymous]

Wow, op, I can't believe you were even considering hosting them - 9 people sharing 1 bathroom? And a dog? What if one of those 9 people are like my dh and spends over an hour a day on the can?

[Anonymous]

It is possible with the right people. The sleeping arrangements aren't to issue right now. This is where those "memories" are made. The real problem is the bathroom situation. At the very least I would get a port a potty for the back yard. But if you are thinking of doing that you would be better off finding an air bnb for some of the group to stay in. Or renting an RV to park outside the house for the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tents in backyard?

The single bathroom is a much bigger issue than the lack of rooms/beds.

The best way to do this would be to rent an RV that has additional beds and an additional bathroom. As long as you can plug the RV into the house power so that you can run the AC there for anyone who has to sleep out there.