Reply to Small house, 1 bathroom, family of 3 + 6 adult houseguests... and a dog

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi, all. OP again.

Thanks for the perspectives, sincerely.

DH and I had a discussion today that was largely academic, because we agreed to at least offer to let our nieces stay, but not BIL/SIL/dog. So that would be 6 adults + 1 kid and no dog.

He definitely leaned more (not completely) towards "this is no big deal/fun" BUT was hung up on the dog/flea situation anyway and also felt that the person for whom this was more problematic (me) should have final say.

The immigrant PP nailed it regarding what was normal for him-- DH and his siblings are POC who immigrated here as kids (I am white and did not). This morning he relayed another story about family visiting his own first townhouse in the US, which amounted to 11 adults plus 4 kids in, I think, a 4BR/2.5BA.

I'd believe the adults were fine with it, but I'd equally believe they found it a big pain in some ways. He was a kid and one of the adults was also their full time nanny/housekeeper. Which he actually brought up/acknowledged.

Despite different upbringings-- although I experienced this occasionally growing up-- I am basically a more/merrier person too. But as we talked, it became clear that he was less concerned with the comfort of our guests than I was-- I'm not actually extremely put out personally, but I can see how the white in-laws and the American adult kids might be, to varying degrees. He was like, well, we just have folks sign up for a bathroom hour by family, whatever, they'll figure it out. He actually said maybe I'm a nicer person than he is-- not usually true!-- but I said no, I'm a woman, I'm socialized this way.

Like I said, a moot point anyway, but an interesting difference.

For sure this was also colored by my issues with older BIL. DH has the healthier perspective that it doesn't matter his brother's motivations-- we either accommodate or don't. But it's true that I found this plan more off-putting because I know how BIL was thinking (or rather not thinking) of others when he came up with it. Ah, well. 
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