Is it really common for professors to invite students to their houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small liberal arts school and went to professors’ houses a lot. Never alone, but in a small group. One seminar I was in met at the professor’s house once a week. We’d have wine and cheese, talk about literature, and I’d feel very grown up...it was pretty cool. Sometimes a whole class was invited to a professor’s home. Sometimes just my boyfriend and I were invited to a particular professor’s house for dinner because we really connected with him and worked with him on a study he was doing. Spending time with my teachers outside of class was one of the best parts of my college experience.

I'm sure it was, but what about your classmates who weren't so socially saavy as to get these kind of invites? I'm sure they loved hearing how you and your boyfriend were receiving preferential treatment from the professor.

At my undergrad those invites for a number of professors went to really high performing students who had taken a number of classes with that professor. Professor decided who to invite. Never less that 8-12 other students. I have no savvy at stuff like this. Invite came because of work. Anyone in that situation got an invite. Also went on a school summer project to a dig in the Middle East that was run by school. Professor's family was there. After that -- senior year -- went to their house a fair amount.

Now my girlfriend was invited repeatedly to dinner with a professor that I think would have been one on one. He had a rep. She stayed away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did this st a large state school. I was part of a stem club sponsored by the professor. She invited the whole club over a couple times. Not everyone in the club was is her classes. I was and dtill didn't fo well in it.
Dh went to a rural SLAC and it was very common there since classes are small. He remained friends with a couple professors and we exchange holiday cards, visit their house during reunions and they offer to read his drafts pre journal submission.
And no it wasn't fair to other students, but higher education, especially in SLACs is not only about meritocracy, but about relationships.

LIFE is about relationships. Is that fair? Who cares, it is reality.

Yes, but universities should hold their professors to different standards.

Why? Those professors will be making connections for students for decades to come. Mentoring is an important part of a professor’s job. You might not like it, but there it is. Students need mentors, they need connections, they need relationships to thrive and be successful down the road. You should support MORE mentoring/prof dinners/coffee opportunities, not fewer. And yes, the best students are going to get the best opportunities. Professors put their own reputations on the line when recommending students.

Teach your kids how life works instead of trying to readjust it to the even things out for underperformers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did this st a large state school. I was part of a stem club sponsored by the professor. She invited the whole club over a couple times. Not everyone in the club was is her classes. I was and dtill didn't fo well in it.
Dh went to a rural SLAC and it was very common there since classes are small. He remained friends with a couple professors and we exchange holiday cards, visit their house during reunions and they offer to read his drafts pre journal submission.
And no it wasn't fair to other students, but higher education, especially in SLACs is not only about meritocracy, but about relationships.

LIFE is about relationships. Is that fair? Who cares, it is reality.

Yes, but universities should hold their professors to different standards.

It may depend on college. But this is actively promoted at many. Meaning professors are encouraged to do this. Develop connections outside of classroom. Be mentors. Always in groups. Not sure who it is not fair to. People seem to think there is an impact on grades that I do not think is there. This is about mentorship. Not everyone can be included the same way some seminar courses are only 12 students. Is that unfair to the rest? You make your own path. These are not exclusive based on any criteria other than maybe good students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the Sciences - very common. Many social events, mostly in professors’ homes. Everyone is invited- spouses, children, etc. Now we do it in parks b/c COVID but Professors are officially hosting, working the grill, sending the invitations, etc.

Very common around holidays as well, to host all students who are not able to make it back home for the holiday feast, or to treat foreign students to our traditions. We typically have a houseful on thanksgiving.

Yes, at an ivy.

Yes. another STEM field. I find this thread odd. Everyone is invited - grad students, post docs, and even undergrad kids doing research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve read a few stories about how Amy Chua was recently suspended from the Yale law faculty for inviting students to her house for parties, and the comments have a lot of remarks about how it’s common for professors to do this.
I’m pretty shocked about this, I was certainly never invited nor knew of anyone else who socialized with their professors off campus.
My husband never heard of this happening during law school either.
How does this even work? Unless the professor, is invited ALL of their students to their home, which is highly unlikely, inviting a select few students to your house for parties, shows outrageous favoritism. How can universities possibly justify allowing professors to do this?

Oh, really? What happened? Link if you have one.

[Anonymous]

In grad school, yes. But it was a professor inviting a class to their house for a social gathering, not, say, having a Christmas party for all their friends and inviting a couple students to attend. The former was fairly common. The latter would seem inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

I teach grad students and there were several that were in and out of my house. I have hired them as babysitters, taken them to lunch, had the research team over for breakfast, had them house sit and dog sit, had large groups over for spaghetti dinners,movie nights, etc.in retrospect, I am realizing that I was not as inclusive as I could have been. Realizing that I never invited a POC or a guy to babysit, never asked a POC to house sit. I think we all are more prejudiced and discriminatory than we want to see and these occasions do serve the purpose of shutting people out, intentionally or unintentionally. When I was I. Grad school the mostly male professors played squash, basketball and went running but only with the male students. There needs to be a way to shut down this kind of exclusive back channel stuff in favor of equal access.

[Anonymous]

I went to Duke as an undergrad and probably was invited to dinner at a professor’s house every semester? It was really common - I majored in one of the humanities. My favorite was an emeritus professor who was a WWII vet (a hero as I now understand it) and he was so charming and delightful and fun. To this day it was one of the nicest dinners I’ve ever attended. Maybe the landscape is different now, but being invited to someone’s home for a meal that’s not from a dining hall when you’re homesick is one of the nicest experiences a kid can have in college!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened several times when I was in law school. Not Yale, but another Ivy League school. I would not look up this as socializing with our professors and I don't think any of the other law students did. When I was a 1L, one professor opened his house during the first week of school for everyone in our section for a reception. We politely chatted with him and with each other and spouses. Not everyone came. Later, as 2Ls and 3Ls, profs would sometimes invite a seminar class over to his/her house, either for a discussion or for a potluck dinner. Again, this isn't really socializing.

I also attended a law professor's bris for his child when I worked closely with that professor. No, the professor did not invite every student on campus to the bris, nor would he have to. Rules of academic decorum are based on common sense, not on Title VII.

But how is this fair? Can a professor really be expected to be subjective with a student that he is personally friends with? I'm literally shocked that this sort of thing is allowed.
Your first example of a professor having a reception at him home where all of the students are invited is fine, but the second example seems very inappropriate, and unfair to the other students.

Most certainly.

[Anonymous]

SLAC yes. We would go in groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach grad students and there were several that were in and out of my house. I have hired them as babysitters, taken them to lunch, had the research team over for breakfast, had them house sit and dog sit, had large groups over for spaghetti dinners,movie nights, etc.in retrospect, I am realizing that I was not as inclusive as I could have been. Realizing that I never invited a POC or a guy to babysit, never asked a POC to house sit. I think we all are more prejudiced and discriminatory than we want to see and these occasions do serve the purpose of shutting people out, intentionally or unintentionally. When I was I. Grad school the mostly male professors played squash, basketball and went running but only with the male students. There needs to be a way to shut down this kind of exclusive back channel stuff in favor of equal access.

Speak for yourself. We have had POC and male babysitters, more than white females. We have boys, though, and they love male babysitters who are “cool” older boys. And our Thanksgivings are a good mix. Anyway, I doubt anyone is unaware of the potential issues these days, and hopefully they are making an effort to be inclusive. We need more mentoring of the disadvantaged, not shutting down mentoring. That is cutting off your nose to spite your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did this st a large state school. I was part of a stem club sponsored by the professor. She invited the whole club over a couple times. Not everyone in the club was is her classes. I was and dtill didn't fo well in it.
Dh went to a rural SLAC and it was very common there since classes are small. He remained friends with a couple professors and we exchange holiday cards, visit their house during reunions and they offer to read his drafts pre journal submission.
And no it wasn't fair to other students, but higher education, especially in SLACs is not only about meritocracy, but about relationships.

LIFE is about relationships. Is that fair? Who cares, it is reality.

Yes, but universities should hold their professors to different standards.

It may depend on college. But this is actively promoted at many. Meaning professors are encouraged to do this. Develop connections outside of classroom. Be mentors. Always in groups. Not sure who it is not fair to. People seem to think there is an impact on grades that I do not think is there. This is about mentorship. Not everyone can be included the same way some seminar courses are only 12 students. Is that unfair to the rest? You make your own path. These are not exclusive based on any criteria other than maybe good students.

This. Its why its so importnat that the school is a good fit and not just the highest ranking etc. When it isn't all this could be missing from the college experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Used to be more common. As a child my dad had each entire class over once a semester for a dinner of Indian food. But it was a small college so classes were probably 25-40 students.

By the time I was a professor it was far less common. I never had a space big enough to have a class over and would certainly never invite just a few students.

Inviting an entire class, fine. Inviting just the favorites, no way.

It's not 'favorites' - it's the students that have a closer relationship with the Professor (they were a research assistant, TA, etc.) These are students that sought out the Professor's additional time and attention and thus receive additional mentoring and access. Totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I took a number of courses with a professor who helped me get one of my papers published in an academic journal. I and a few other high performing students were invited to cocktail parties at her house senior year.

In law school I had some professors who would do invite the whole class parties. One was a fancy fully catered Christmas event. Another did a late spring wine and cheese thing outside on his large property on the water.

As a student I really enjoyed getting to know my professors. And like a PP said, life is about relationships. FWIW I was the first in my family to graduate college. Daddy couldn’t make a phone call for me and get me the right connections. I had to network and get comfortable being social all on my own account (even though I can be shy in groups). It’s a skill like anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Undergrad in the 90's (Ivy) - I went to parties at the houses of two professors I worked for as a research assistant (they both invited all of the undergrad research assistants). And to my German professor's house (small, friendly class of eight - he and his wife made us German food). Good memories.

It's very common in STEM for graduate students - hell, I house sat for my advisor a few times. Not sure why it's a problem.

Because it creates a conflict of interest when it comes to GRADING. Gee, for Ivy graduates, a lot of you people seem pretty thick not to get why this is problematic.

You are not GRADED in STEM graduate school. Yes, there are a few classes at first, and they come with grades, but graduate students are 'graded' based on their research potential and output. This requires a lot of close interaction with their advisors, and yes, it is normal and fine to develop a personal relationship with your grad school advisor (it often lasts decades beyond grad school - I still hang out with my advisor at conferences decades after I graduated).