Comparing babies and feeling bad about mine

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have a perfectly normal baby and, you know what, my perfect sleeper, easygoing middle child is kind of a terror now that he’s 2.

Your child will go through stages and some stages are easier than others. Give yourself some grace and let go of the guilt about not being able to clean your home as much as you’d like.

[Anonymous]

Your baby is normal and you are doing a good job. Hang in there.

It's hard to say anything without putting down somebody else but I had a very needy baby and she turned out amazing and yours will too.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you OP. Being a new mom without any support is rough. As others have said every baby is different. My first one did not sleep unless being held and had nights and days mixed up. It was exhausting and there were many days where I felt like the only accomplishment of the day was taking the trash out to the chute down the hall of my apt building. One thing with babies is that they are always changing. With my first we sleep trained at 5 months and it was a game-changer. She started sleeping through the night for 10-11 hours. Around 7 months she started taking longer more consistent naps and we started getting into a more consistent routine.

She started walking at 9 months and it was the best thing ever for us. Once she had the freedom to move she was a much happier easier baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at the infertility board may help. So many are struggling to conceive, and you were successful which is a huge accomplishment!

That's terrible advice. What is wrong with you?

Yes, awful.

[Anonymous]

Just want to say that when it feels super hard- get a parenting book. Maybe one about sleep if that’s your issue. I implement 10% of all the books I read but it really adds up. Tantrums? Get a book and try a new way of dealing. When Dh and I sleep trained, we actually had to make a list and tape it in the hallway so we could remember at 4 am- “pat belly for one minute, wait 5 minutes and repeat” or whatever. Exhausting. But gentle sleep training helped so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those other parents are either exaggerating, being a bit non-specific about what's going on, or are simply excited about one success because they are struggling with the other stuff. It might feel like they have it figured out, but trust me, they don't.

My closest mom friend used to rave about how quickly my DC achieved mobility milestones like rolling over, sitting up, and crawling. Her child was "late" on all of them. But what this meant was that I spent that first year chasing after my extremely mobile child, while hers laid contentedly in her lap. A few years later, both our kids can walk and jump and run and you'd never guess which rolled over at 6 weeks and which didn't crawl until 13 months.

And the sleep stuff? A few parents get lucky and brag a bunch because they think they figured it out. Nope -- they just lucked into a baby who sleeps a lot. Everyone else struggles but figures it out eventually. My DC didn't STTN until 10 months or so, but went on to become a child who slept 7pm-7am every night plus a 2+ hour nap every afternoon for years.

Point is, your baby isn't behind and you are doing great. You are just a new parent, and it's hard. Stay in the fight, you will make it out the other side and someday you will be talking to an exhausted new mom and letting her know that while her feelings are totally understandable and valid, her baby is right on track and so is she. I promise.

This is so spot on. Especially the first bit.

[Anonymous]

OP, yours is like mie was. The first time I babysat his cousin, who was born later, I was astonished how easy she was.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately your baby is completely normal. Babies suck like they are awful. They suck the life out of you and spit you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know every baby develops at his own pace etc but it still makes me feel bad when I read about other people’s babies STTN at 12 weeks, doing great at tummy time, taking naps in their own crib. The past 3 months have been incredibly rough and I find myself wondering if I have an exceptionally difficult baby. He wakes 3 times at least during the night, won’t sleep in his bassinet and only sleeps when held, is squirmy/ fussy for half his awake time ( he’s generally unhappy unless someone is holding him and wants attention 24/7) but fights naps. Every meal I eat is wolfed down in 2-3 mins while I set him down in the bouncer and I haven’t been able to get anything done. Sheets haven’t been changed , house hasn’t been cleaned since he was born and no ability to hire help. DH works long hours outside the home is his bandwidth to help is limited. Just at the end of my rope and wondering why other babies just seem so much more normal and not ridiculously high maintenance.

Your baby is normal. In fact he seems exactly how my own two kids were. Yes, my house sounded like yours and it was hard. But, this is pandemic and no is visiting in your house. Give yourself a break and go with the flow.

[Anonymous]

My 2nd kid was a nightmare. He didn’t sleep through the night for 2.5 years. He got every puking virus for a 5 mile radius. He had epic tantrums. He didn’t do anything early.

He’s 4.5 and he can read and write better than his average brother could at the end of kindergarten. He’s hilarious and fun.

Seriously. When they get to kindergarten, no one care who walked first or who potty trained first. When they get to Jr high no one cares who rode a bike first or who could read first.

[Anonymous]

Everything you wrote is totally normal and it’s really hard. I got most of my housework done by putting my babies in the front carriers and they even enjoyed the movement of my vacuuming. A lot of new moms aren’t totally honest about how challenging and life altering becoming a parent really is... it does get easier and you will be able to sleep and eat a normal meal again but the first year is learn by fire.

[Anonymous]

OP second the baby carrier--also, look up online how women from some countries tie their baby on their back. I saw a woman on a train pre-pandemic and I thought--rats! That looks so much more efficient and comfortable and she has her hands free and everything! There's a reason that women in developing countries where they have to work while caring for kids have developed a back-carrier! I predict in 10 years everyone will have switched. That way at least you can get simple chores done and move about in a more relaxed way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at the infertility board may help. So many are struggling to conceive, and you were successful which is a huge accomplishment!

I don't even know where to start with this. Inter tile people aren't your zoo attractions. And getting knocked up isn't an accomplishment. Teenagers do it.

It may not sound nice, but OP needs to remember to be grateful for what she has

agree

[Anonymous]

OP, my first was a tough baby. I was jealous of friends who could just tote their newborns out to lunch, to get a pedicure or whatever. Mine was so fussy and not a great sleeper for the first 4-5 months or so (hard to remember how long because it’s been a few years).

Guess what, he’s grown into an awesome six year old. He’s a sweet and eager to please kid. He helps out around the house and gives the best hugs.

There’s no guarantee your friends with “easy” babies will wind up with easy kids. Everyone will likely struggle at some point just at different phases.

For comparison, my second was such a chill baby. She was just happy to go wherever with me and never minded schlepping to big brother’s activities. But now at 3 she is wild. I can’t turn around without her climbing something, throwing food on the ground, chasing the cat, etc. I am really hoping she outgrows this stage (some of which could be related to being cooped up during a pandemic in winter). But I am wondering what happened to my laid back baby!

So just take it one day at a time. It’s hard to have perspective about how fast things go with your first. I know it feels like life will never be normal again, but I promise your baby will start to sleep more at some point and get in a routine. You will be able to wash sheets and cook some food. Babies are just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know every baby develops at his own pace etc but it still makes me feel bad when I read about other people’s babies STTN at 12 weeks, doing great at tummy time, taking naps in their own crib. The past 3 months have been incredibly rough and I find myself wondering if I have an exceptionally difficult baby. He wakes 3 times at least during the night, won’t sleep in his bassinet and only sleeps when held, is squirmy/ fussy for half his awake time ( he’s generally unhappy unless someone is holding him and wants attention 24/7) but fights naps. Every meal I eat is wolfed down in 2-3 mins while I set him down in the bouncer and I haven’t been able to get anything done. Sheets haven’t been changed , house hasn’t been cleaned since he was born and no ability to hire help. DH works long hours outside the home is his bandwidth to help is limited. Just at the end of my rope and wondering why other babies just seem so much more normal and not ridiculously high maintenance.

OP, this is normal. I’m a former nanny with over 10 years of infant experience. There are some babies who are good sleepers and hit all of their milestones early or on time, but that is not the majority of babies. Most of the babies at that age were still walking at night, needed to be held for naps, and hated tummy time. You can do things to help like try to put baby down for a nap in the crib, get him on a routine, and work on his developmental milestones. I think sleeping is a learned skill. You can sleep train at 4 months old if you’re comfortable with that. I’ve had some babies hit milestones early, some at the right age, and some a little delayed. Every child develops at their own pace. I wouldn’t compare because there will times your cooks will excel in something your friends child won’t and vice versa. Comparing can have a negative affect and take away from the positive of your experience.