Nanny here again. Some babies are a little more high maintenance than others and there’s just not much you can do but try to remember it’s a phase and it will pass. I’ve had so many parents tell me “ I’m sorry my house is a mess”. It’s okay. You have more important things to worry about than your house being clean. |
This is false and ignorant. Many babies sleep through the night at that age because they’re well fed during the day and don’t need the calories at night. I’ve known many babies who were fed on-demand at that age and slept 8-12 hours at night on their own. It has nothing to do with being fed on a a child or that they aren’t loved or nurtured. You can love and nurture your baby and still have them sleep 12 hours at night. |
It sounds like a normal, although somewhat needy baby. Don't compare. Most people are exhausted with a 3 month old baby. Even if they won't admit it. I would say it gets better and to hang in there. But for now, find some things that work for you. I had a baby sling that the baby loved and even got good at breastfeeding him in the sling. This allowed me to easily get out of the house and at least go for a walk, grab a coffee to go. A change of scenery can be so important. And fresh air may really help the baby sleep better. Also, try to let somethings go.. the house can be a little bit messier, etc. Just prioritize you and the baby right now.
hang in there Op. And stop comparing. No one is telling the truth online anyway. Your fussy baby may end up being the easy toddler, or the easy teenager... |
My first baby slept through the night (12 hours!) at 4 months. I'm paying the price for it now with my second baby who is still up multiple times a night at 21 MONTHS!!!! All babies are different.
I have read in the attachment parenting books that when you have a high needs baby, it's best to talk about baby stuff with other people with high needs babies. If you have a friend whose baby sleeps all night, just... stop talking to them about sleep.... |
I have two, 5.5 and 1.5.
The 1.5 y.o. still wakes 1-2 times a night most night. The 5.5 y.o. still wants repeated reassurance before falling asleep (calls out, asks for water, books, hugs...). You need to adjust your expectations. Your baby is very much normal. The first three to six months are VERY difficult. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or an outlier. Just ignore/block whoever is feeding you these fairy tales and enjoy the precious moments with your baby. |
Lots of babies are very, very difficult. Being a new mom is rough. Is there someone who can watch the baby for you overnight, so you can get a night's sleep every once in awhile? Do you have a friend or a sister who can help you? Can you hire a night nurse for a couple of days? |
My first baby didn't sleep through the night until he was 17 months old. His dad and I took turns getting up with him after he was weaned. He turned into a kid with great sleep habits. Goes to bed on time and sleeps through the night. My second baby slept through the night at 8 weeks. It was amazing. He turned into a kid who has a hard time going to sleep and who sometimes gets up in the middle of the night and wanders around and eats snacks. It's like living with a very large raccoon. |
My super fussy infant turned out to have chronic ear infections with no symptoms other than extreme fussiness. Next time you're due for a checkup, or if you're really just at the end of your rope, talk to the pediatrician to see if there could be a physical cause. Some babies are really just cranky though. |
Don't worry. Even if it feels like his is needier than other kids right now, that doesn't mean he always will be. He'll drop one of those night feeds soon, and then everything will look sunnier. |
In hindsight, what would have helped you back then? Would knowing about his future brilliance have gotten you through the sleepless nights? Or were there concrete things that helped you get through the next 15 minutes or half an hour? |
OP, my twins slept through the night at 12 weeks (no, I didn't let them cry it out), they liked tummy time, and they napped in their cribs from day one. BUT they had other issues and things that made the first three months really hard! I doubt many people would ever say the first few months with a baby were easy, no matter how low maintenance their kid was, ESPECIALLY if it is their first. I promise you that you will be miserable if you keep comparing your kid(s) to others. Seriously, it's not worth stressing over. Having twins has shown me that while A did X first, B did Y first, and then A did Z first and so on and so forth. See if you can get a break, since it sounds like you have been on non-stop, and without the things that can make those first months easier (friends, for one!). And also give yourself a break, not time away, but the ability to stop expecting your baby to do certain things. Hugs. |
NP. To me it seems like telling someone with a brain tumor to be glad they have a head. It's not helpful. |
When the weather gets a bit nicer, you might see if you can find a new-mom group that's meeting outdoors. (I'm assuming most aren't meeting in person indoors right now, and Zoom with a fussy infant isn't going to do much for you!)
I was lucky enough to have an easy baby, but in my new-mom group, it was much more the norm for babies to be fussy or gassy or have reflux, to have allergies that meant moms needed to adjust their diets while breastfeeding, or to not sleep for more than an hour at a time. My easy baby was definitely the odd one out. But the moms were really supportive of each other, and a lot of the group stuck together for years as the kids grew up. It sounds like you could really use that kind of support, especially if you can't count on your husband for it. |
You people are hilarious “bragging” about your difficult babies. I had an easy baby and now he’s an easy child with a secure attachment to both parents. It’s ridiculous to say that needing to be held a lot translates into a more secure attachment. All children are different and a lot of this stuff is just a temperament thing. I hear more that difficult babies become difficult children. |
OP -
One thing I wish I had done with my first is to let him fuss without my intervention. You don't have to run to the baby when they start to cry. If you haven't had a shower yet today, put the baby in the crib (or wherever) and go take a shower. If he cries, he cries. Let him learn that you don't come running instantly every time. He will still feel loved and cared for, but might also learn a little self soothing, which is good. |