Comparing babies and feeling bad about mine

[Anonymous]

Your baby is normal. Many people lie or forget. Don’t feel bad and it will get better. I promise!!!!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are the one with a normal baby OP.

[Anonymous]

My baby was like that. The ergo carrier was a lifesaver.
Very attached and needy baby became very adventurous and outgoing child.

[Anonymous]

My baby was like that! It was such torture for the first few months, then got gradually easier. He didn't sleep through the night until he was almost 2 (sorry, OP) but then he slept like a champ.

Shall I tell you what that baby became? He is now 6'2" and a fabulous athlete (hence all that energetic squirming). He is very social and empathetic (the reason he wanted me ALL THE TIME and always needed to be held). He is doing very well academically in a challenging school (he sure paid close attention to the world as a baby and just wanted to gobble it all up).

Hang in there, OP. Your baby is doing just what he should do. Babyhood is not the most pleasant stage for kids like ours, but they make up for it as they grow. You are almost through the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at the infertility board may help. So many are struggling to conceive, and you were successful which is a huge accomplishment!

I don't even know where to start with this. Inter tile people aren't your zoo attractions. And getting knocked up isn't an accomplishment. Teenagers do it.

It may not sound nice, but OP needs to remember to be grateful for what she has

Except, as PPs have pointed out, that doesn't actually help. It just adds another layer of guilt to a sleep-deprived mom whose baby is still waking up every 90 minutes, who's not eating well, who now gets to feel bad that she's not treasuring every single precious moment.

I disagree. It wasn’t my suggestion, but it helps me when I am struggling to look at what I am grateful for (a healthy baby)

[Anonymous]

OP this all sounds normal and remember that it ends (eventually). Two of my 3 kids did not sleep through the night until 2. It’s hard, but it keeps getting better (slowly). Is your baby 3 month old? You are in the thick of it. Usually by 6 months babies start to become easier and most sleep through the night and become much more independent by 12-15 months. It’s mostly down hill now for you. I hated the baby stage and luckily that is the shortest one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know every baby develops at his own pace etc but it still makes me feel bad when I read about other people’s babies STTN at 12 weeks, doing great at tummy time, taking naps in their own crib. The past 3 months have been incredibly rough and I find myself wondering if I have an exceptionally difficult baby. He wakes 3 times at least during the night, won’t sleep in his bassinet and only sleeps when held, is squirmy/ fussy for half his awake time ( he’s generally unhappy unless someone is holding him and wants attention 24/7) but fights naps. Every meal I eat is wolfed down in 2-3 mins while I set him down in the bouncer and I haven’t been able to get anything done. Sheets haven’t been changed , house hasn’t been cleaned since he was born and no ability to hire help. DH works long hours outside the home is his bandwidth to help is limited. Just at the end of my rope and wondering why other babies just seem so much more normal and not ridiculously high maintenance.

It sounds like something he is eating is not agreeing with him. When their tummy hurts and they are having trouble digesting it affects how easily they nap, as well as how much they eat during the day (which in turn affects how much they sleep at night).

I would try to troubleshoot the eating part and see if that helps. For both my kids I had to cut out dairy and wheat while nursing. With one I did that from the beginning and that one was a great sleeper and not fussy. The other one was like yours.

If formula, try one for sensitive kids.

+1 (or as many as I'm allowed).

We had twins and one had terrible reflux, had to be held a lot, had to be burped and held for at least 45-60 minutes after eating and had to sleep on an incline. The other had severe gas problems and it took us a while to diagnose the issues. We ended up with the two on different specialty formulas for each one, but once we switched the second to the sensitive formula for gas, he was so much easier. It was night and day getting him off the formula that was causing gas.

And OP, another suggestion for eating. I found that the reflux baby who needed to be held upright was perfectly happy in a Baby Bjorn back carrier. So I brought a bar stool to the dinner table, put him into the Bjorn on my back and sat on the stool and was able to eat dinner in a less rushed fashion because he was perfectly happy to be in the carrier as long as he was able to touch me (or my back).

Yes, children are individuals and have very different problems and issues. The key to them is to find whatever solution works for their individual needs. There is no "guide to babies" that will tell you what will work for your baby. It took us several weeks of trial and error asking friends and families for suggestions to find the solutions for each of our babies. If you can find a parenting or mother's group, that helps a lot. For us, the network of the multiples group was the best help. We tried many solutions that were offered there that eventually got us on track to finding what worked for each of our kids.

It's not you. Your baby is having problems. Keep trying different solutions until you find the right one for your child. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, this all sounds normal and pretty much how my baby was. My baby was very tiresome for the first year and today he's a happy, well-adjusted elementary school aged kid.
The first months, the first years are incredibly hard for many moms, even if they don't always admit it.
What helped me keep my sanity was to create routines. Set times to go for a stroll, or several strolls a day, routines around the house too.
And be kind to yourself.
Big hug. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

It's always going to be tempting to fall into the comparison trap with kids. Another baby is going to be start reading sooner, talk sooner, be less clumsy, more obedient, more willing to clean up after themselves, get into a better, school, etc. It's always easy to see another kid and wonder if you're doing something wrong or you just kind of got unlucky with your kid. Try to avoid that.

I won't say the phase you are in is great, but even if your kid was abnormally difficult, it's nothing to really worry about (if they are healthy). Kids are just different, and they all have good and "bad" things about them.

[Anonymous]

When my son was younger, I was completely traumatized by trying to get this child to sleep - he never slept unless he was on top of me or in the car. I would be soooo jealous of all my friends whose babies would sit quietly at the table. Mine would scream the minute we sat down to eat. I was disinvited to the mommy and me lunches that all my friends would have. Even when he was two or three, at least that's when we stopped trying, he never could sit quietly at a restaurant. He would wake up consistently between 5 and 6am.

But the thing is, he is a natural athlete. He's 16, he can run all day long. He can play any sport and be brilliant at it. He still can function happily on a few hours sleep. I suspect yours might be the same. What seems like a disadvantage or a problem when your baby is a baby just might be their natural talents beginning to show through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Your baby is normal.

Or maybe on the difficult end of normal. But normal.

I remember SIL complaining one time about how hard she had it with my oldest nephew (who is 12 years older than my oldest) because when he was a newborn he liked to be held all the time and she often had to have her mom come help during maternity leave.

I calmly responded that I had to hold DD while I was peeing or it took 20-30 minutes to settle her again after putting her down for 2 minutes. (We don’t have local family.) I thought that was pretty normal until we had another baby and I could TAKE A SHOWER during maternity leave while my husband was at work. Amazing.


Why feel the need to label a baby that's exhibiting normal baby behavior as "difficult"?

Think about that.
Kids are now 5 and 2 and DD takes a lot of routine and cuddles at bedtime. DS just goes to bed. Babies are different just like people are. There’s a wide range of normal.

BTW, I chose not to night-wean either of them until they were 12 months, so waking 3x a night seems totally normal to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know every baby develops at his own pace etc but it still makes me feel bad when I read about other people’s babies STTN at 12 weeks, doing great at tummy time, taking naps in their own crib. The past 3 months have been incredibly rough and I find myself wondering if I have an exceptionally difficult baby. He wakes 3 times at least during the night, won’t sleep in his bassinet and only sleeps when held, is squirmy/ fussy for half his awake time ( he’s generally unhappy unless someone is holding him and wants attention 24/7) but fights naps. Every meal I eat is wolfed down in 2-3 mins while I set him down in the bouncer and I haven’t been able to get anything done. Sheets haven’t been changed , house hasn’t been cleaned since he was born and no ability to hire help. DH works long hours outside the home is his bandwidth to help is limited. Just at the end of my rope and wondering why other babies just seem so much more normal and not ridiculously high maintenance.

It sounds like something he is eating is not agreeing with him. When their tummy hurts and they are having trouble digesting it affects how easily they nap, as well as how much they eat during the day (which in turn affects how much they sleep at night).

I would try to troubleshoot the eating part and see if that helps. For both my kids I had to cut out dairy and wheat while nursing. With one I did that from the beginning and that one was a great sleeper and not fussy. The other one was like yours.

If formula, try one for sensitive kids.

+1 (or as many as I'm allowed).

We had twins and one had terrible reflux, had to be held a lot, had to be burped and held for at least 45-60 minutes after eating and had to sleep on an incline. The other had severe gas problems and it took us a while to diagnose the issues. We ended up with the two on different specialty formulas for each one, but once we switched the second to the sensitive formula for gas, he was so much easier. It was night and day getting him off the formula that was causing gas.

And OP, another suggestion for eating. I found that the reflux baby who needed to be held upright was perfectly happy in a Baby Bjorn back carrier. So I brought a bar stool to the dinner table, put him into the Bjorn on my back and sat on the stool and was able to eat dinner in a less rushed fashion because he was perfectly happy to be in the carrier as long as he was able to touch me (or my back).

Yes, children are individuals and have very different problems and issues. The key to them is to find whatever solution works for their individual needs. There is no "guide to babies" that will tell you what will work for your baby. It took us several weeks of trial and error asking friends and families for suggestions to find the solutions for each of our babies. If you can find a parenting or mother's group, that helps a lot. For us, the network of the multiples group was the best help. We tried many solutions that were offered there that eventually got us on track to finding what worked for each of our kids.

It's not you. Your baby is having problems. Keep trying different solutions until you find the right one for your child. Good luck.

I forgot to add that these twins are now 9.5 and after we got them on real foods and off formula, they have been pretty easy kids in general.

[Anonymous]

Your baby sounds normal! On a decent weather day I put my baby in a stroller and I push it at a fast pace to get some exercise. He enjoys the motion and either sleeps or just lies there. The walk does wonders for me.

[Anonymous]

I think the only people who brag about their babies sleep are those who got great sleepers. My son NEVER slept and it almost killed me (it contributed to major PPD/PPA and my abusive partner at the time didn’t help at all - I was so miserable) and most of my friends with kids said their kids didn’t sleep great either - but there were a few who were baffled that our babies didn’t sleep well cause they got good sleepers and were convinced it was their parenting that got them to sleep well. It wasn’t, it was their babies temperaments.

[Anonymous]

It is hard, but this all sounds normal. No baby likes tummy time. Mine didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old. BUT, you can try to Ferber sleep train much sooner than that.

I have friends who wore their babies most of the day.

Just keep on going.

If at all possible, hire a sitter for a day while you sleep. That's another thing, you might think your baby is difficult, but your husband, a relative or a sitter can handle him!