Do you still have "stuff" in your parents house? How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I cleared out all of MY stuff in my late 20s once I had room, but other stuff kept appearing that MY MOM had kept in my name, if that makes sense. They had all sorts of random crap stashed in their basement. Like, boxes of worksheets and spelling tests from elementary school. When my daughter was born, she brought a huge box of brittle Polly Flinders dresses and plastic barrettes. They "downsized" last year and I think we got rid of the rest of it, but who knows?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm the one who posted in the other thread, so I'll play.

I'm 40, and yes, I still have stuff in my mom's house.

3-4 boxes of childhood stuff -- art and schoolwork from elementary school, a couple very sentimental toys, some awards and paraphernalia from middle school and high school sports and activities. It's the kind of stuff I'd never display but I don't feel like I can get rid of.

The reason it's still at my mom's is because (1) we live in a tiny apartment and have very little storage -- I planned to get the boxes and store them a few years ago, but then we had a kid and our space disappeared. Also (2) my mom has a big house.

My mom hates that the boxes are there and it's become a point of contention. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because she has threatened to toss them. I think I'm getting a reprieve due to Covid, but as soon as it's over and people can travel again, I know she will start hounding me again. Truthfully, part of my reluctance is that my feelings are so hurt by how insistent she is that she doesn't want them. She has always been like this. She repainted my childhood bedroom and moved in office furniture the day after I moved out. Like I went back to pick up a box fan I'd left behind the next day, and the walls were already a different color and there was new furniture in there. I don't even know what happened to my bedroom furniture -- she probably took it to the dump.

Already posted on the other thread that your mom is torturing you. Boo on her. No, I don't have anything at my own mom's house -- we are estranged. : )

I am PP and I just wanted to say: thank you for saying this, on this thread and the other. I wish I could be like others and say "Oh I don't care if she throws it away, I'm not sentimental." But it's not about sentiment. Her resentment over these boxes feels extremely personal to me, like she is trying to purge any evidence of me from her life. I can't believe how much it hurts me even in my 40s. Maybe especially in my 40s. I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine throwing away her things. The thought of her moving away makes me so sad. It is so hard for me to understand why my mother is like this.

If you are 40, then your mom is at least 60 and maybe over 70. It is completely reasonable for her to expect you to take your things and keep them at your own house.

This makes no sense. Why would a 60 or 70 year old be more capable of letting boxes sit in her attic than someone younger? If anything, I would think it makes more sense to leave items in your parents' home the older they are, because when they die, you are the one who will have to go through the house and take care of it. Why move out a handful of boxes now?

It would make more sense if the parents were moving or trying to renovate or do something with the house and the boxes were in the way. But that's much more likely to be the case with a younger person as well -- people in their 50s renovate their houses all the time. People in their 70s, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm the one who posted in the other thread, so I'll play.

I'm 40, and yes, I still have stuff in my mom's house.

3-4 boxes of childhood stuff -- art and schoolwork from elementary school, a couple very sentimental toys, some awards and paraphernalia from middle school and high school sports and activities. It's the kind of stuff I'd never display but I don't feel like I can get rid of.

The reason it's still at my mom's is because (1) we live in a tiny apartment and have very little storage -- I planned to get the boxes and store them a few years ago, but then we had a kid and our space disappeared. Also (2) my mom has a big house.

My mom hates that the boxes are there and it's become a point of contention. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because she has threatened to toss them. I think I'm getting a reprieve due to Covid, but as soon as it's over and people can travel again, I know she will start hounding me again. Truthfully, part of my reluctance is that my feelings are so hurt by how insistent she is that she doesn't want them. She has always been like this. She repainted my childhood bedroom and moved in office furniture the day after I moved out. Like I went back to pick up a box fan I'd left behind the next day, and the walls were already a different color and there was new furniture in there. I don't even know what happened to my bedroom furniture -- she probably took it to the dump.

Already posted on the other thread that your mom is torturing you. Boo on her. No, I don't have anything at my own mom's house -- we are estranged. : )

I am PP and I just wanted to say: thank you for saying this, on this thread and the other. I wish I could be like others and say "Oh I don't care if she throws it away, I'm not sentimental." But it's not about sentiment. Her resentment over these boxes feels extremely personal to me, like she is trying to purge any evidence of me from her life. I can't believe how much it hurts me even in my 40s. Maybe especially in my 40s. I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine throwing away her things. The thought of her moving away makes me so sad. It is so hard for me to understand why my mother is like this.

If you are 40, then your mom is at least 60 and maybe over 70. It is completely reasonable for her to expect you to take your things and keep them at your own house.

This makes no sense. Why would a 60 or 70 year old be more capable of letting boxes sit in her attic than someone younger? If anything, I would think it makes more sense to leave items in your parents' home the older they are, because when they die, you are the one who will have to go through the house and take care of it. Why move out a handful of boxes now?

It would make more sense if the parents were moving or trying to renovate or do something with the house and the boxes were in the way. But that's much more likely to be the case with a younger person as well -- people in their 50s renovate their houses all the time. People in their 70s, not so much.

Because her mother wants her to move them out now. Maybe her mother wants the space back, maybe she is decluttering, maybe she is planning to move. Whatever the reasons, the house where PP has these things stored belongs to her mother, not to PP.

Why can't PP store her own things at her own house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm the one who posted in the other thread, so I'll play.

I'm 40, and yes, I still have stuff in my mom's house.

3-4 boxes of childhood stuff -- art and schoolwork from elementary school, a couple very sentimental toys, some awards and paraphernalia from middle school and high school sports and activities. It's the kind of stuff I'd never display but I don't feel like I can get rid of.

The reason it's still at my mom's is because (1) we live in a tiny apartment and have very little storage -- I planned to get the boxes and store them a few years ago, but then we had a kid and our space disappeared. Also (2) my mom has a big house.

My mom hates that the boxes are there and it's become a point of contention. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because she has threatened to toss them. I think I'm getting a reprieve due to Covid, but as soon as it's over and people can travel again, I know she will start hounding me again. Truthfully, part of my reluctance is that my feelings are so hurt by how insistent she is that she doesn't want them. She has always been like this. She repainted my childhood bedroom and moved in office furniture the day after I moved out. Like I went back to pick up a box fan I'd left behind the next day, and the walls were already a different color and there was new furniture in there. I don't even know what happened to my bedroom furniture -- she probably took it to the dump.

Already posted on the other thread that your mom is torturing you. Boo on her. No, I don't have anything at my own mom's house -- we are estranged. : )

I am PP and I just wanted to say: thank you for saying this, on this thread and the other. I wish I could be like others and say "Oh I don't care if she throws it away, I'm not sentimental." But it's not about sentiment. Her resentment over these boxes feels extremely personal to me, like she is trying to purge any evidence of me from her life. I can't believe how much it hurts me even in my 40s. Maybe especially in my 40s. I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine throwing away her things. The thought of her moving away makes me so sad. It is so hard for me to understand why my mother is like this.

If you are 40, then your mom is at least 60 and maybe over 70. It is completely reasonable for her to expect you to take your things and keep them at your own house.

This makes no sense. Why would a 60 or 70 year old be more capable of letting boxes sit in her attic than someone younger? If anything, I would think it makes more sense to leave items in your parents' home the older they are, because when they die, you are the one who will have to go through the house and take care of it. Why move out a handful of boxes now?

It would make more sense if the parents were moving or trying to renovate or do something with the house and the boxes were in the way. But that's much more likely to be the case with a younger person as well -- people in their 50s renovate their houses all the time. People in their 70s, not so much.

Because her mother wants her to move them out now. Maybe her mother wants the space back, maybe she is decluttering, maybe she is planning to move. Whatever the reasons, the house where PP has these things stored belongs to her mother, not to PP.

Why can't PP store her own things at her own house?

PP here. Because, as I said above, I live in a tiny apartment with my husband and child and barely have space to store a blender. Whereas my mother lives in a three bedroom house with a basement and an attic all by herself. She is not decluttering. If she is planning to move, she has said nothing to me about it.

I'm going to move the boxes, because as you said, she asked. But it hurts my feelings that she is making me do it and is making me feel like she wishes I never existed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm the one who posted in the other thread, so I'll play.

I'm 40, and yes, I still have stuff in my mom's house.

3-4 boxes of childhood stuff -- art and schoolwork from elementary school, a couple very sentimental toys, some awards and paraphernalia from middle school and high school sports and activities. It's the kind of stuff I'd never display but I don't feel like I can get rid of.

The reason it's still at my mom's is because (1) we live in a tiny apartment and have very little storage -- I planned to get the boxes and store them a few years ago, but then we had a kid and our space disappeared. Also (2) my mom has a big house.

My mom hates that the boxes are there and it's become a point of contention. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because she has threatened to toss them. I think I'm getting a reprieve due to Covid, but as soon as it's over and people can travel again, I know she will start hounding me again. Truthfully, part of my reluctance is that my feelings are so hurt by how insistent she is that she doesn't want them. She has always been like this. She repainted my childhood bedroom and moved in office furniture the day after I moved out. Like I went back to pick up a box fan I'd left behind the next day, and the walls were already a different color and there was new furniture in there. I don't even know what happened to my bedroom furniture -- she probably took it to the dump.

Already posted on the other thread that your mom is torturing you. Boo on her. No, I don't have anything at my own mom's house -- we are estranged. : )

I am PP and I just wanted to say: thank you for saying this, on this thread and the other. I wish I could be like others and say "Oh I don't care if she throws it away, I'm not sentimental." But it's not about sentiment. Her resentment over these boxes feels extremely personal to me, like she is trying to purge any evidence of me from her life. I can't believe how much it hurts me even in my 40s. Maybe especially in my 40s. I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine throwing away her things. The thought of her moving away makes me so sad. It is so hard for me to understand why my mother is like this.

If you are 40, then your mom is at least 60 and maybe over 70. It is completely reasonable for her to expect you to take your things and keep them at your own house.

This makes no sense. Why would a 60 or 70 year old be more capable of letting boxes sit in her attic than someone younger? If anything, I would think it makes more sense to leave items in your parents' home the older they are, because when they die, you are the one who will have to go through the house and take care of it. Why move out a handful of boxes now?

It would make more sense if the parents were moving or trying to renovate or do something with the house and the boxes were in the way. But that's much more likely to be the case with a younger person as well -- people in their 50s renovate their houses all the time. People in their 70s, not so much.

Because her mother wants her to move them out now. Maybe her mother wants the space back, maybe she is decluttering, maybe she is planning to move. Whatever the reasons, the house where PP has these things stored belongs to her mother, not to PP.

Why can't PP store her own things at her own house?

PP here. Because, as I said above, I live in a tiny apartment with my husband and child and barely have space to store a blender. Whereas my mother lives in a three bedroom house with a basement and an attic all by herself. She is not decluttering. If she is planning to move, she has said nothing to me about it.

I'm going to move the boxes, because as you said, she asked. But it hurts my feelings that she is making me do it and is making me feel like she wishes I never existed.

PP, I'm sorry you're hurt, and I can't speak to your specific relationship with your mom.

But it's not your house. She doesn't need to justify why she doesn't want to store your stuff. I love my family, but I don't want a pile of their stuff in my house, because I don't like having my space taken up. And that's a perfectly valid reason.

If you have a small space, you need to either 1) buy more space or 2) make hard decisions about what you're going to keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm the one who posted in the other thread, so I'll play.

I'm 40, and yes, I still have stuff in my mom's house.

3-4 boxes of childhood stuff -- art and schoolwork from elementary school, a couple very sentimental toys, some awards and paraphernalia from middle school and high school sports and activities. It's the kind of stuff I'd never display but I don't feel like I can get rid of.

The reason it's still at my mom's is because (1) we live in a tiny apartment and have very little storage -- I planned to get the boxes and store them a few years ago, but then we had a kid and our space disappeared. Also (2) my mom has a big house.

My mom hates that the boxes are there and it's become a point of contention. I'm going to have to figure something out soon because she has threatened to toss them. I think I'm getting a reprieve due to Covid, but as soon as it's over and people can travel again, I know she will start hounding me again. Truthfully, part of my reluctance is that my feelings are so hurt by how insistent she is that she doesn't want them. She has always been like this. She repainted my childhood bedroom and moved in office furniture the day after I moved out. Like I went back to pick up a box fan I'd left behind the next day, and the walls were already a different color and there was new furniture in there. I don't even know what happened to my bedroom furniture -- she probably took it to the dump.

Already posted on the other thread that your mom is torturing you. Boo on her. No, I don't have anything at my own mom's house -- we are estranged. : )

I am PP and I just wanted to say: thank you for saying this, on this thread and the other. I wish I could be like others and say "Oh I don't care if she throws it away, I'm not sentimental." But it's not about sentiment. Her resentment over these boxes feels extremely personal to me, like she is trying to purge any evidence of me from her life. I can't believe how much it hurts me even in my 40s. Maybe especially in my 40s. I love my daughter so much. I can't imagine throwing away her things. The thought of her moving away makes me so sad. It is so hard for me to understand why my mother is like this.

If you are 40, then your mom is at least 60 and maybe over 70. It is completely reasonable for her to expect you to take your things and keep them at your own house.

This makes no sense. Why would a 60 or 70 year old be more capable of letting boxes sit in her attic than someone younger? If anything, I would think it makes more sense to leave items in your parents' home the older they are, because when they die, you are the one who will have to go through the house and take care of it. Why move out a handful of boxes now?

It would make more sense if the parents were moving or trying to renovate or do something with the house and the boxes were in the way. But that's much more likely to be the case with a younger person as well -- people in their 50s renovate their houses all the time. People in their 70s, not so much.

Because her mother wants her to move them out now. Maybe her mother wants the space back, maybe she is decluttering, maybe she is planning to move. Whatever the reasons, the house where PP has these things stored belongs to her mother, not to PP.

Why can't PP store her own things at her own house?

PP here. Because, as I said above, I live in a tiny apartment with my husband and child and barely have space to store a blender. Whereas my mother lives in a three bedroom house with a basement and an attic all by herself. She is not decluttering. If she is planning to move, she has said nothing to me about it.

I'm going to move the boxes, because as you said, she asked. But it hurts my feelings that she is making me do it and is making me feel like she wishes I never existed.

Your choice to live in a tiny apartment does not translate to her obligation to be a storage unit for you. Speaking of which, you could rent a storage unit, if this stuff is important to you.

It sounds like you might benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My mom cleaned my stuff out of her house (nicely) when I was 24. I had a lot of boxes in my bedroom at my apartment for a while until I figured out what to keep and how, and what to get rid of.

My mom still has things of mine from when I was little that she chose to keep, artwork or that kind of thing, but that’s her stuff, not mine.

You think I would have learned not to hold onto so much stuff as a result, but nope, our basement is filled with sentimental crap I have such a hard time letting go of. Getting better all the time though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mom cleaned my stuff out of her house (nicely) when I was 24. I had a lot of boxes in my bedroom at my apartment for a while until I figured out what to keep and how, and what to get rid of.

My mom still has things of mine from when I was little that she chose to keep, artwork or that kind of thing, but that’s her stuff, not mine.

You think I would have learned not to hold onto so much stuff as a result, but nope, our basement is filled with sentimental crap I have such a hard time letting go of. Getting better all the time though!

PP again. I feel the need to clarify that the sentimental stuff I’m now having a hard time getting rid of includes China and glassware that I inherited from both grandmothers. It isn’t functional for us to use with small kids and we don’t have space to display it. Fills several bins in the basement. I have my diplomas in a bin and so many photographs that someday I’ll scan/digitize, but who has time for that? The childhood stuff I’m holding onto fits into an accordion file. Still drives DH crazy!

[Anonymous]

No, And I don't think I've had anything there since I was in my 20s. My mother kept some children's games that my kids ended up playing with but I don't consider that my stuff. I am not a pack rat so have kept very little stuff from childhood.

DHs parents kept more stuff - trophies, articles, and things like that, all carefully wrapped, labeled and preserved. When they downsized they gave him all that stuff, I think reluctantly. We have it all in the attic.

We also have a ton of our kids stuff, both of whom are in the 20s. Some is childhood clothes and toys which will eventually be passed on to them. But they also have a lot of clothes, books, and other things in their rooms. They are whittling it down over time, and we've gotten rid of some, but I think until we move most of it will stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mom cleaned my stuff out of her house (nicely) when I was 24. I had a lot of boxes in my bedroom at my apartment for a while until I figured out what to keep and how, and what to get rid of.

My mom still has things of mine from when I was little that she chose to keep, artwork or that kind of thing, but that’s her stuff, not mine.

You think I would have learned not to hold onto so much stuff as a result, but nope, our basement is filled with sentimental crap I have such a hard time letting go of. Getting better all the time though!

PP again. I feel the need to clarify that the sentimental stuff I’m now having a hard time getting rid of includes China and glassware that I inherited from both grandmothers. It isn’t functional for us to use with small kids and we don’t have space to display it. Fills several bins in the basement. I have my diplomas in a bin and so many photographs that someday I’ll scan/digitize, but who has time for that? The childhood stuff I’m holding onto fits into an accordion file. Still drives DH crazy!

If it fills several bins in the basement, I can see your mom getting tired of storing it.

Honestly, rent a storage unit. That's what we did when we had this exact problem when we lived in an apartment. It's really common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mom cleaned my stuff out of her house (nicely) when I was 24. I had a lot of boxes in my bedroom at my apartment for a while until I figured out what to keep and how, and what to get rid of.

My mom still has things of mine from when I was little that she chose to keep, artwork or that kind of thing, but that’s her stuff, not mine.

You think I would have learned not to hold onto so much stuff as a result, but nope, our basement is filled with sentimental crap I have such a hard time letting go of. Getting better all the time though!

PP again. I feel the need to clarify that the sentimental stuff I’m now having a hard time getting rid of includes China and glassware that I inherited from both grandmothers. It isn’t functional for us to use with small kids and we don’t have space to display it. Fills several bins in the basement. I have my diplomas in a bin and so many photographs that someday I’ll scan/digitize, but who has time for that? The childhood stuff I’m holding onto fits into an accordion file. Still drives DH crazy!

If it fills several bins in the basement, I can see your mom getting tired of storing it.

Well I’m 43 now. The stuff that came from my mom when I was 24 is long gone, except the photo albums and the accordion file of papers. The stuff I’m currently storing in my own basement came to me later.

Honestly, rent a storage unit. That's what we did when we had this exact problem when we lived in an apartment. It's really common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mom cleaned my stuff out of her house (nicely) when I was 24. I had a lot of boxes in my bedroom at my apartment for a while until I figured out what to keep and how, and what to get rid of.

My mom still has things of mine from when I was little that she chose to keep, artwork or that kind of thing, but that’s her stuff, not mine.

You think I would have learned not to hold onto so much stuff as a result, but nope, our basement is filled with sentimental crap I have such a hard time letting go of. Getting better all the time though!

PP again. I feel the need to clarify that the sentimental stuff I’m now having a hard time getting rid of includes China and glassware that I inherited from both grandmothers. It isn’t functional for us to use with small kids and we don’t have space to display it. Fills several bins in the basement. I have my diplomas in a bin and so many photographs that someday I’ll scan/digitize, but who has time for that? The childhood stuff I’m holding onto fits into an accordion file. Still drives DH crazy!

If it fills several bins in the basement, I can see your mom getting tired of storing it.

Honestly, rent a storage unit. That's what we did when we had this exact problem when we lived in an apartment. It's really common.

I’ll try that again.

Well I’m 43 now. The stuff that came from my mom when I was 24 is long gone, except the photo albums and the accordion file of papers. The stuff I’m currently storing in my own basement came to me later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cleared out all of MY stuff in my late 20s once I had room, but other stuff kept appearing that MY MOM had kept in my name, if that makes sense. They had all sorts of random crap stashed in their basement. Like, boxes of worksheets and spelling tests from elementary school. When my daughter was born, she brought a huge box of brittle Polly Flinders dresses and plastic barrettes. They "downsized" last year and I think we got rid of the rest of it, but who knows?!

Yup, I can relate. My mother periodically brings up "my stuff" and I tell her they can go ahead and throw it out. It's still there as far as I know.

[Anonymous]

I still had my own room in my parents house until they sold it and downsized. I was about 35.

We stayed with my parents for several weekends a year, so it was just convenient that they kept my room available. My mom took over my closet but I still had boards games in there, etc.

[Anonymous]

33. I have some larger baby items at my moms house for a potential second child. I have no storage in my condo and a toddler so the things haven’t been there that long but I don’t want to have to buy another bassinet, infant car seat, swing etc in a year or whatever. When we move to a house I will get it all.