Nephew’s allergies and my sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What her child is allergic to should in no way impact what your children are allowed to eat, especially in a restaurant. I would have ordered my kids the ice cream and the cheeseburger.

That would be extremely rude and dangerous if your family member has told you that it could be deadly to their child if they are then playing together right after. It sounds like you don't understand how some allergies work. Some kids can go into anaphylactic shock and die from only particles in the air from COOKING peanuts in a similar room. Not even touching them. I'm not saying that is the case with this child and the mother's anxiety may be playing a role, but this stuff is serious and you absolutely should not just dismiss it without further information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm totally on board with respecting allergy-related restrictions at school etc (no tree nuts etc). Your description of your SIL sounds hard to be around though, in part because it doesn't sound consistent. Kids aren't allowed to get ice cream on boardwalk because it might stay on their lips and contaminate him? My guess is more she didn't want your kids having it if hers couldn't. But she's going to have to find a way to live this as a parent and more importantly teach him to live with his allergies and not feel like a freak about them.

This sounds like it is what is going on.

You're not going to change her, OP, so you just have to limit your contact. Doing otherwise isn't fair to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Her inconsistency and how protective she is regarding the allergies it’s probably because she doesn’t want her son to miss out on the foods your kids are eating. It doesn’t have anything to do with an actual allergic reaction since she didn’t seem to care about the playground and peanut butter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her inconsistency and how protective she is regarding the allergies it’s probably because she doesn’t want her son to miss out on the foods your kids are eating. It doesn’t have anything to do with an actual allergic reaction since she didn’t seem to care about the playground and peanut butter.

I forgot to add that she may not even realize how inconsistent she’s being at the root cause of why she is acting that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What her child is allergic to should in no way impact what your children are allowed to eat, especially in a restaurant. I would have ordered my kids the ice cream and the cheeseburger.

That would be extremely rude and dangerous if your family member has told you that it could be deadly to their child if they are then playing together right after. It sounds like you don't understand how some allergies work. Some kids can go into anaphylactic shock and die from only particles in the air from COOKING peanuts in a similar room. Not even touching them. I'm not saying that is the case with this child and the mother's anxiety may be playing a role, but this stuff is serious and you absolutely should not just dismiss it without further information.

PP here. My child has an anaphylactic peanut allergy. Other people can (and do) eat peanut items in my child’s presence.

The kids should all wash their hands and not kiss each other. If the nephew needs more than that then I guess he shouldn’t be going out to eat at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.

You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.

You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.

I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.

I have never heard of a dairy allergy that was triggered by skin contact.

My friend has a child has a dairy contact allergy and multiple other allergies. I've also been at a party where she was very careful reading labels, etc., but he still had had a reaction. This is with everyone there trying to be vigilant and not bringing milk, etc. He's also old enough to pay attention himself. He still left in an ambulance after using the EpiPen, and they never identified the trigger. Also she has her own peanut allergy, and when we've stayed in a house with her no one eats anything with peanuts. Some allergies are very severe.

[Anonymous]

I have allergies that impact my quality of life significantly I
If I cannot avoid the allergens, but won’t kill me. I feel so, so sorry for those with life threatening allergies because some people can just be jerks about them. They minimize them, don’t take proper precautions. It’s very stressful to have such allergies, and when people especially family members question the validity of the safety precautions you are taking, that adds to the stress. I would just recommend respecting their wishes. And maybe staying in separate houses next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What her child is allergic to should in no way impact what your children are allowed to eat, especially in a restaurant. I would have ordered my kids the ice cream and the cheeseburger.

That would be extremely rude and dangerous if your family member has told you that it could be deadly to their child if they are then playing together right after. It sounds like you don't understand how some allergies work. Some kids can go into anaphylactic shock and die from only particles in the air from COOKING peanuts in a similar room. Not even touching them. I'm not saying that is the case with this child and the mother's anxiety may be playing a role, but this stuff is serious and you absolutely should not just dismiss it without further information.

Correct. Some people can go into anaphylactic shock by peanuts cooking in the same room- they are inhaling the fumes. However, they cannot go into anaphylaxis if someone else ate something unless the residue is transferred (by kissing or something similar). People need to know the difference between a real threat and something so remote as to be unrealistic. Kids with allergies will be living in the real world with people who don’t know about or cater to their allergies. Making a big deal out of a threat that is so remote (another kid consuming ice cream) isn’t helpful and makes you less credible when speaking out about a real threat.

[Anonymous]

LIFE AND DEATH, OP. Life and death.

And no, it doesn't get that much better as they get older.

Because we've heard the tragic tales of the girl who died after kissing her boyfriend, who had eaten a PB&J and brushed his teeth. She still died. Dead.

On DCUM, there was someone whose daughter died at the family beach house trip at age 8 or so because some dumbass relative gave her a baked good with a nut extract in it. The dad was there, he was a pediatrician, they had epipens, they called 911. She still died. Dead.

As someone who has rushed a child ***who was no longer breathing*** into an urgent care, screaming for help, and the staff immediately went into emergency mode and saved her life and called an ambulance who rushed her to the ER even after the epi was administered...you just have no idea. You have no effing clue.

When you literally hear a doctor say the words "I think she's breathing now" or something as life-and-death as that about your child? Come talk to me.

[Anonymous]

OP why have you ghosted?

[Anonymous]

You don't have children with life threatening allergies, of course you don't understand, at all.

[Anonymous]

This child doesn’t seem to have problems at school, in restaurants, on playgrounds or in general public when her family isnt there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.

You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.

You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.

I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.

Amen to this.

It’s not on OP. It’s on the sister, the mother of the child, to offer the pertinent medical information and expectations for the family visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with a severe anaphylactic allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. She almost died the summer before 3rd grade because she ate candy that was cross-contaminated because it had been produced in a facility where nut products were processed. She was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.
It's terrifying, especially as she gets older and heads out into the world without me.

You should know that sometimes Epipens don't stop the reaction, and kids die.

You don't say what the nephew's allergy is, but I assume it's dairy. If his allergy to dairy is severe enough, then ice cream or cheese residue on the hands or lips of his family indeed could be dangerous (if you eat ice cream and then kiss him, touch him, or prepare other food, he would react, potentially die). If she wasn't worried at the playground, perhaps it's because her son isn't as seriously allergic to peanut butter or nuts, or other food likely to be on the monkey bars.

I would be furious if my family disregarded my daughter's safety by eating her allergen around her and making a big deal about my request for safety precautions. From my perspective, you (as family) did not do enough to find out about the severity of his allergies or how you could ensure his safety. If you are sharing a house and vacationing with them, you needed to have a conversation about this. If this means you go get ice cream without them, then wash your hands thoroughly and brush your teeth before having contact with your nephew, this is what you needed to do - not come on here and grouse about how she's mental because she wanted to make sure her son didn't accidentally die on vacation.

I have never heard of a dairy allergy that was triggered by skin contact.

My friend has a child has a dairy contact allergy and multiple other allergies. I've also been at a party where she was very careful reading labels, etc., but he still had had a reaction. This is with everyone there trying to be vigilant and not bringing milk, etc. He's also old enough to pay attention himself. He still left in an ambulance after using the EpiPen, and they never identified the trigger. Also she has her own peanut allergy, and when we've stayed in a house with her no one eats anything with peanuts. Some allergies are very severe.

My nephew once touched a birthday cake and it’s icing that had dairy in it and I saw the rash that developed it on his hand. Crazy but it can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LIFE AND DEATH, OP. Life and death.

And no, it doesn't get that much better as they get older.

Because we've heard the tragic tales of the girl who died after kissing her boyfriend, who had eaten a PB&J and brushed his teeth. She still died. Dead.

On DCUM, there was someone whose daughter died at the family beach house trip at age 8 or so because some dumbass relative gave her a baked good with a nut extract in it. The dad was there, he was a pediatrician, they had epipens, they called 911. She still died. Dead.

As someone who has rushed a child ***who was no longer breathing*** into an urgent care, screaming for help, and the staff immediately went into emergency mode and saved her life and called an ambulance who rushed her to the ER even after the epi was administered...you just have no idea. You have no effing clue.

When you literally hear a doctor say the words "I think she's breathing now" or something as life-and-death as that about your child? Come talk to me.

This. Give your sister the benefit of the doubt and just respect her wishes. It won’t kill your kids to skip an ice cream cone. Hopefully it will make them more likely to grow up to be caring people.

And no, do not talk about your sister behind her back to her husband. Wtf, that is so messed up.