Wife is addicted to iPhone

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible that your wife has ADHD? The people with ADHD who I know are not addicted to their phones at all. However, what you described made me think of ADHD (sleep issues, challenges with emotional self-regulation when you say something about the phone use, being on the phone often possibly as a way to deal with boredom, etc). ADHD can cause self-regulation challenges.

Depression is another possibility, given that she is withdrawing socially and has sleep issues.

Asking your wife why she's on her phone often, in a non-judgmental and open way, may be helpful. And suggesting that she can see a mental health professional in a non-judgmental way, if possible.

[Anonymous]

10 hours a day is an addiction. Even a phone at dinner? She sounds depressed or at least really unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s trying to escape her life because she’s unhappy. You might get further approaching her with empathy and compassion than with demands and judgment.

+1 to this. She is probably burnt out and that’s her way of connecting to the outside world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs a 40+ hour a week job. A real job.

Yes, because we all know that cures all problems.
My friends that work full time are on their phones constantly.
They are the first to respond to texts or emails!

Right - why not at least get paid to be in front of a screen all day? Doesn't sound like she is present for her kids anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being home all day with a child, especially very young, is exhausting in a very different way than being at work. You literally feel like you can’t have a thought in your own head or a moment in space and time all to yourself. It’s great in some respects, but incredibly isolating and mind numbing in others, especially with so many things being closed or limited during COVID. A phone is a super easy, portable escape to a world where you’re not wiping noses and butts, and making endless snacks, wiping up the same mess you just cleaned up, etc.

She may not realize how addicted to it she is, but it’s a cumulative effect of her current state of mind. If you can, encourage her to completely disengage form the house at least once a day - get out for a walk alone, or something like that.

This is most likely what is going on. It's why many women work, including women who don't financially need to work.

OP - you should encourage her to get a job. Being on your phone this much isn't healthy. Your child is already six.

Your wife will have every excuse as to why she can't return to work. Especially now. It's going to be very scary for her and she is likely anxious. Keep pushing her to try it. If not, another five years will pass and she will still be on her phone this much and will not have returned to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being home all day with a child, especially very young, is exhausting in a very different way than being at work. You literally feel like you can’t have a thought in your own head or a moment in space and time all to yourself. It’s great in some respects, but incredibly isolating and mind numbing in others, especially with so many things being closed or limited during COVID. A phone is a super easy, portable escape to a world where you’re not wiping noses and butts, and making endless snacks, wiping up the same mess you just cleaned up, etc.

As a SAHM with two very young children, I appreciate PP writing this! I do literally feel like I can't have my own thoughts. The phone is an escape.

I would also recommend giving her a block of time to herself: "I'll watch the kids so you can go for a walk," etc.

+2 here. Give her a break and don’t tell her what to do with that time. If she wants to spend that time on her phone, let her. I use my phone as an effort to reclaim the smallest bit of time for myself. Usually after I have a few uninterrupted minutes, I’m done with my phone. Sometimes it literally takes hours of attempts to get ten minutes alone on my phone. Small kids are relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to control your wife. Why?

DP. Because she’s on her phone every waking minute if the day.. 10 hours.

Math is not your strong suit, or the OP's, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Clicked on this to check and see if this was my dh complaining about me - but whew, it's not. I'm not *that* bad.

[Anonymous]

I feel really badly for your child. And she is probably doomed to a similar problem, since your wife his her main role model.

I suggest counseling because her behavior is unhealthy. She is also being rude and insensitive to the people who are actually with her when she is on her phone (in virtual life).

[Anonymous]

PS-I meant marriage counselling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being home all day with a child, especially very young, is exhausting in a very different way than being at work. You literally feel like you can’t have a thought in your own head or a moment in space and time all to yourself. It’s great in some respects, but incredibly isolating and mind numbing in others, especially with so many things being closed or limited during COVID. A phone is a super easy, portable escape to a world where you’re not wiping noses and butts, and making endless snacks, wiping up the same mess you just cleaned up, etc.

She may not realize how addicted to it she is, but it’s a cumulative effect of her current state of mind. If you can, encourage her to completely disengage form the house at least once a day - get out for a walk alone, or something like that.

A six-year old is not a "very young" child. Six-year olds can be downright fun.