Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to make a clean area where you can put the baby toys. You could also ask if you can lysol spray their shoes.

My kids are older so this is a non issue. We are also Asian American so we take off our shoes. The one cultural difference I just can’t understand is wearing your dirty shoes inside the house. You step on all sorts of nasty crap outside. Why would you wear those same shoes inside your home?

Agree! I'm not Asian, and neither is DH, and we both grew up taking off our shoes once we entered the house. I don't understand why a person would wear their shoes in the house, there's no reason to. My dad never wore shoes in the house, he would change into some form of house shoes like slippers - I always associated wearing slippers with being "old school" (rather than leaving shoes on like OP described).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to make a clean area where you can put the baby toys. You could also ask if you can lysol spray their shoes.

My kids are older so this is a non issue. We are also Asian American so we take off our shoes. The one cultural difference I just can’t understand is wearing your dirty shoes inside the house. You step on all sorts of nasty crap outside. Why would you wear those same shoes inside your home?

Agree! I'm not Asian, and neither is DH, and we both grew up taking off our shoes once we entered the house. I don't understand why a person would wear their shoes in the house, there's no reason to. My dad never wore shoes in the house, he would change into some form of house shoes like slippers - I always associated wearing slippers with being "old school" (rather than leaving shoes on like OP described).

I hate to break it to you, Asian and non-Asian posters, but some people come from different cultures than you! Sometimes even if they grew up the street next door. If you want respect for your own cultural norms, you’d be wise to extend the same to theirs.

I don’t wear street shoes inside my house, but plenty of people around the US and the world do wear street shoes inside, and I accept that it’s how they do things in their own home. Since they don’t seem to get sicker on average than those of us who use house shoes, I also concede that maybe they’re not even mistaken to think it equally hygienic to forego changing shoes.

I just know that I’m glad I don’t have to clean their floors! 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id go. Maybe invest in a play area gate and keep the baby in one area. The floor is one thing, but i bet the rest of the house isn’t childproof so one dedicated area could maybe put you at ease.

This is the most practical advice.

[Anonymous]

There’s an article in the nytimes about what increases your risk of getting covid and what doesn’t. Wearing shoes in the house doesn’t increase your risk for covid, but shoes do have all sorts of other disgusting germs on them, the article says.

I would go and try to relax about this, even though I agree with you that shoes inside are gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to make a clean area where you can put the baby toys. You could also ask if you can lysol spray their shoes.

My kids are older so this is a non issue. We are also Asian American so we take off our shoes. The one cultural difference I just can’t understand is wearing your dirty shoes inside the house. You step on all sorts of nasty crap outside. Why would you wear those same shoes inside your home?

Agree! I'm not Asian, and neither is DH, and we both grew up taking off our shoes once we entered the house. I don't understand why a person would wear their shoes in the house, there's no reason to. My dad never wore shoes in the house, he would change into some form of house shoes like slippers - I always associated wearing slippers with being "old school" (rather than leaving shoes on like OP described).

I hate to break it to you, Asian and non-Asian posters, but some people come from different cultures than you! Sometimes even if they grew up the street next door. If you want respect for your own cultural norms, you’d be wise to extend the same to theirs.

I don’t wear street shoes inside my house, but plenty of people around the US and the world do wear street shoes inside, and I accept that it’s how they do things in their own home. Since they don’t seem to get sicker on average than those of us who use house shoes, I also concede that maybe they’re not even mistaken to think it equally hygienic to forego changing shoes.

I just know that I’m glad I don’t have to clean their floors! 😂

I don't wear shoes in the house, but it doesn't gross me out when other people do. Most people I know remove their shoes if they are muddy or dirty, but otherwise not. I don't sit on the floor, or lick the floor, or actually even touch the floor that much with any part of my body other than my feet. And I wash my hands frequently. So I don't worry about getting sick. And I wouldn't worry about COVID, because, again, I'm not really touching the floor, and any particle on the floor is almost by definition one I won't be breathing in.

With a crawling baby, I can see the concern, but maybe your husband could talk to them and make it about that specific issue. Maybe your FIL would be amenable to a pair of slip-on house shoes (even if they are just regular shoes, not slippers) for the sake of the baby. If not...I'd still go, but you can only go if you're not going to be fussing about it or making an issue of it. It's their house. Just clean the floor more often, and maybe gate off a couple of areas for the baby so you can concentrate on keeping those areas clean and not worrying about the whole house.

[Anonymous]

To answer the OPs question - yes you are being unreasonable to expect anyone to take you in for an extended period of time and then expect them to modify their daily habits. Your concern is a preference not an actual requirement. Outlet covers yes, shoes off no. You don’t get to be mad at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the OPs question - yes you are being unreasonable to expect anyone to take you in for an extended period of time and then expect them to modify their daily habits. Your concern is a preference not an actual requirement. Outlet covers yes, shoes off no. You don’t get to be mad at them.

Hit the nail on the head.

If they were to compromise, great. But they’re not and they are offering you something you otherwise think is awesome, so you need to either compromise on this or just stay home. Because this is such a big deal for you, makes me wonder if you have other anxieties over staying with them? (Personally, my in-laws drive me bat-shit crazy so I’d never agree to this type of arrangement...can barely make it a couple days with them.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be uncomfortable for older people to go barefoot or take the time to sit down and take off their shoes. That said, I agree that it's pretty gross. Have dh offer to buy an identical favorite pair of shoes for each parent to wear indoors. Is there room for a bench just inside or outside the door? Maybe that could be your host gift. 🙂

the op said her in-laws do not like taking their shoes on and off all day long. So, your solution will not work. For those who do take off their shoes do you do it EVERY time? Like I'm getting the paper? put shoes on, come inside, take shoes off and put slippers on.. Or take the trash out, put shoes on, come back in, take shoes off?

If so, isn't that annoying? I go in and out all day long. If I am inside I can wear slippers but, if I am planning on going in and out than I keep my shoes on.

I regularly clean my floors and we don't lick them!

[Anonymous]

I wear my shoes downstairs. Flat feet and a bad knee. I just like the feel of a proper shoe even when outside in the summer. We have hardwood most everywhere except in the bedroom. i happen to think that carpets are gross shoes or no because they cannot be properly cleaned regularly. We aren't tramping through cow fields. Do these no shoe people let their little kids play outside get in the dirt, climb a tree touch a playground. It is a weird thing to be so overly concerned about. I hope all the shoe germ people are wearing masks and social distancing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby will be walking very soon and crawling will soon be a non-issue.

This. Plus OP keeps making excuses. Ofcourse, the baby can just crawl in their room or on a blanket...why ruin the summer because she insists baby will crawl in the main area.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, you are being unreasonable.

EIther take the advice from others about a playpen/blanket or stay in your apartment. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

What did you decide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I think wearing shoes inside is gross, I don't think it necessarily increases your risk of catching covid.

This. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby will be walking very soon and crawling will soon be a non-issue.

This. Plus OP keeps making excuses. Ofcourse, the baby can just crawl in their room or on a blanket...why ruin the summer because she insists baby will crawl in the main area.

So when the baby is not in the bedroom someone should just hold him or her the entire time?

[Anonymous]

It is their house and they can do whatever they please! You should not go because you are crazy and will make everyone else miserable. We wear shoes in the house and have no intention of changing. The US is not a 3rd world country.