Do you raise your children differently given what you know about relationships?
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Anonymous
You sound great and a unicorn. Not many people can be hot and smart. Your dh is a lucky man! |
Anonymous
Yeah but then no one would ever marry someone whose parents were divorced or who was abused. You can’t judge people from the sins of their fathers. I came from a family with a typical sahm/ husband who doesn’t do chores. My family can’t get over how helpful Dh is. I’m glad my parents only had daughters. |
Anonymous
Not at all. All of my college girlfriends are hot and smart and the women/neighbors I have met post-grad school. Look in a college genetics course some time. Plenty of cute, intelligent, smart girls. Yes, they aren’t with the bimbos getting BJ trinkets on their bracelets in MS/HS. They are the girls the boys/jocks hang out with but not the ones they use for sex in HS. |
Anonymous
| Girl-next-door types, usually with a protective older brother. I know many of girls like her. They end up the most successful in life because they are t focused on d@ck in HS and college. |
Anonymous
Dysfunction slips out over time. Wait until your spouse is middle aged. I should have heeded “alcoholic, philanderer/serial cheater” as a warning sign when my husband was anything but that at 27. Check back when your spouse hits middle age. People raised with dysfunctional parents communicate and argue dysfunctionally over time unless they spent a lot of time in individual therapy. It’s their unconscious default pattern. |
Anonymous
Go ahead and feed her huge ego a little more. 
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Anonymous
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I'm a physician. My career is fine. I actually think it's most important however, in how it affects my relationship with DH.
My message to DD is that life is (usually) more fun, easier, and more rewarding with a partner. But it's got to be the right partner, and that connection must be maintained, which doesn't happen by accident. I think the job actually helps us stay connected because our dual career pursuits keep our home as a shared project. OP, your perception of a woman's career importance is coming entirely from your DH's lens. It doesn't matter how important her job is to him. It matters for her, her sense of self-worth, how it shapes her expectations of a partner. Raising children and maintaining a home is a herculean task, but there's a reason that it's considered an invisible job in our culture. This is why having one's own pursuit outside the home matters. Not because it's more important than what's going on inside the home, but because it means what's going on inside the home won't automatically fall on her, and be simultaneously ignored and expected. If the home is considered a joint effort between partners in a family, in whatever way that falls out, it maintains appropriate expectations. It's really easy not to "see" all the work that gets done when you don't do any of it. If SAHMs had guaranteed financial stability it would be such an amazing choice. I really mean that. I honesty think nothing is more valuable than creating a happy home. But the bottom line is it's too much work for zero security, it skews expectations in men's favor, and unpopular as this may be, I think it dings women's self-confidence and teaches them to expect pathologically less of their partner. My DD will be encourages to have a career, not for career's sake, but to have options. If home stops being a shared project, it doesn't work. Bad situations never start out that way. The ability to vote with your feet has an amazing way of keeping men in line. That keeps resentment at bay. That maintains connection, which maintains sex, which maintains love. |
Anonymous
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This is really gross and this is coming from a SAHM who ended up married to a rich guy! Not something I set out to do, it's just what happened.
I'm teaching all of my children to choose careers that they find intrinsically rewarding because they are interesting and fulfilling. |
Anonymous
“It just happened on my magic world, just fell right into my lap and now from my throne I am raising kids to have intrinsically rewarding careers. Everyone else is gross.” Barf. |
Anonymous
Ha, +1 |
Anonymous
| This responses are at odds with the woman who is a PhD being told that men don’t care that she is. |
Anonymous
The point is it doesn't matter whether or not men care. Get a degree (or don't) for yourself. Many of us are also saying that 2 career households are more (but not completely) balanced. Teaching girls/women to seek a career based on men's perception of its importance or lack thereof is antiquated and bad advice. |
Anonymous
| My dad was very supportive of my mother’s career and really encouraged us to get career oriented educations. He was very successful so there was no need for my mother to work but she had invested a lot in her education and career and he wanted her to do what she felt was best for her. It was a great atmosphere to grow up in and my sister and I both have successful careers underway plus being married and moms. |
Anonymous
NP. You know marrying rich and having choices like the quoted PP is just luck right? You can hope for it but you can’t really count the on it actually happening. Better have a back up plan like a career. |
Anonymous
Yes, it is luck. But some DCUMers think that it happens because they are uniquely special. |