A miscarriage when you have children isn’t the same as one when you don’t!

[Anonymous]

You’re using someone else’s pain to talk about how your pain is so much worse. You’re so classy, OP.

[Anonymous]

I can't speak for anyone else.

But I had miscarriages and infertility prior to child 1 and child 2. I did multiple cycles of IVF for both.

For me, the pain of a miscarriage and failed IVF cycles before having a child was LIGHT YEARS harder than those I had after having a child. I had a true fear that nothing would ever work and I would never become a mom.
Once I had a child the subsequent losses were hard but nothing as hard as the first time. I had hope that my body could eventually get pregnant because it had eventually done it before. I had a child. I had experienced motherhood.
Nothing could take that away from me. If I never became pregnant again or lost another 5 babies I still had the joy and gift of my living child.

The first time around I had none of this. It was a very scary and dark time and MUCH harder.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I agree

[Anonymous]

If I use your analogy, it wasn't so bad when my mother died because I still had my father. Crazy talk OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't think things are just so black and white. And I don't understand why people have to compare each other's pain. All miscarriages suck, but it doesn't mean that there's a clear way to sort out levels of pain. I imagine that, even if you have a kid, having a miscarriage out of the blue when you're in your second trimester is probably extremely traumatizing. Or having an ectopic and having to make the medical decision to end your pregnancy for your own safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I use your analogy, it wasn't so bad when my mother died because I still had my father. Crazy talk OP.

Yea exactly-

“Not so bad my child died, because I had two.”

This whole convo sickens me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I use your analogy, it wasn't so bad when my mother died because I still had my father. Crazy talk OP.

Of course losing a parent is bad to anyone.. but to an outsider comparing the situation between 2 kids.. in one they are orphan and may end up in foster care in the other they still have a parent and not as bad a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I use your analogy, it wasn't so bad when my mother died because I still had my father. Crazy talk OP.

Yea exactly-

“Not so bad my child died, because I had two.”

This whole convo sickens me.

I think OP was talking about an early miscarriage, not a living child dying, or even a stillbirth / late miscarriage. Those would be devastating. But an early miscarriage after already having a child? C’mon, it’s nowhere near as bad as having one before your first, and not knowing if you’ll ever get to experience the joys of motherhood. I’ve dealt with both, and completely get what OP is saying. Don’t be a drama queen FFS.

[Anonymous]

Not certain if OP is still around, it must be incredibly painful for her to both read and respond to many of the responses, no matter what side the posts are on.

Cursing at the OP, name calling, and the sarcasm (considering the subject matter) is highly unnecessary and cruel.

Heart goes out to you op. Social media can be triggering for so many reasons, you may want to consider taking a break from it and also incorporating additional therapeutic solutions for coping with the loss.

Hugs.