Vent about kids’ helping out with cleanup

[Anonymous]

I threaten to throw away the toys when they aren't picked-up. "Larlo, you need to pickup your toys if you want to have toys or else they will be given to.someone else". Works Everytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A scenario might be:
M:”Larla and Larlo, I would like you to help pick up items on the living room floor” or “I would like you to put away your laundry intro drawers.”
8: “uhhhhh.”
M: “I’ll remind you again that of you help me for X minutes, you can pick a friend, and I’ll text/set up a time form them to come over.”
8: “ooh.” Named three friends she’s been missing
5: ignores entire conversation.
M:”you too larlo. We could meet Friend at the park. But first I need you to help pick up your hot wheels.”

I start
8 doesn’t start. “Firs ti need to ... go to the bathroom.”
M:”ok I’ll wait. But Larlo lets get started”
I get started again, 8yo never joins us.
She’s done with the bathroom, I remind her but you might sense some annoyance in my voice that she forget.

8:”uhhh I don’t want to. I’m hungry.”
5: “yeah I’m hungry too.”

On a patient day, I’ll serve them up. And attempt again.

Some days it’s ignore, some days it’s distraction, some days it’s that we ran out of time. “Ooh dads home now, let me cook dinner etc.” he may attempt with them too.

Other days, it’s just outright talking back and tantrums from 8yo, and it set off a fight. I say she needs to show more respect. If she talks back again, I will [x y or z]. Then it’s not about cleaning, it’s about overall disrespect, not listening. She ends up sent to her room for raising her voice. Well.... lucky her now she has gotten out of cleaning.

5yo mostly just ignores.

*esus Effing *od!

OK. Here's the thing - you are PLEADING AND HOPING YOUR 8 YEAR OLD will do stuff.

Here's the way it should go:

M:In 30 minutes we need to leave for soccer. So in 10 minutes it will be time to clean up. (leave room, don't listen to the complaining or yeah buts. You are stating a fact.
M: (10 minutes later) OK, time to clean up. Larla, put the stuff on the living room floor. Larlo,you put away the laundry into the drawers. Then you go to living room floor where youj'll need to help the younger one put stuff away. I hand things or give them veery specific directioons. Larla, you put away the trucks, I'll do the trains. OR I hand them "here, Larla, put this away. OK, now put this away.

8: “uhhhhh.”
M: Excuse Me? I asked you to put X away, period.
8: whines, cries, moans, tries to bargain, says "if I clean what do I get?" IGNORE all that crap and say "I'll be back in 10 minutes, please have it done."
5: ignores entire conversation.
M:"Here, Larla, let's go to the livingroom to do the stuff on the floor. (takes hand if necessary, picks up if necessary, but I bet a "come on, let's go ssaid in a positive way will get him there.

M: When living room is done, you send 5 year old to go to the bathroom and get soccer cleats on. You pop head into 8 year old's bedroom and see if laundry isn't done. NOT done? You tell 8 year old. " OK, you didn't listen, so your consequence is _____________." Now, put the laundry away right NOW before you get another consequence.

8: whines, cries, moans some more. Ignore and stand there while they do it. OR (better, so 8 yr old can save face and do it but not while you are staring) say "I'll be back in 5 minutes. If the laundry isn't done then we are missing soccer because we won't have time to get there." And walk out.

M: living room is clean, launry put away? Good job! It's great when we all pitch in together, that's what families do. Now, let's get out of here and go to soccer."
M: launddry room NOT put away? living room not cleaned up? OK, your consequence for not cleaning up is that you will miss soccer because we don't have time to leave. After you clean up you may do whatever other thing. Now go do it.
M: everything is clean and put away BUT NOW IT'S TOO LATE TO LEAVE FOR SOCCER because it took so FREAKING long and you had to repeat yourself 10 times and check in 10 times? Well, this took so long that we don't have time to get to soccer. So, you both get an immediate consequence (go to your room and think about things so I don't kill you is my go to).

Now, you must have a meeting with your children and their Dad and say
1. "there are new rules around this ranch. EVERYONE makes messes, everyone plays, everyone eats, sleeps, etc. And that means that EVERYONE cleans up. You, 8 year old, are expected to do the following things (make bed, put dirty clothes in hamper, put laundry that is on bed in drawers, feed cat and clean your room and the playroom after you play so we don't have legos, puzzles, and whatever else all over the place. You, 5 year old are expected to do these things: (put dirty clothing in hamper, and put away the toys when you are done playing, too.

2. both of you will start taking turns setting the table before dinner. M, W, F will be 8 year olds' turn, T, Th, Sa will be 5 year olds turn, we'll all do it together. (this gets them in the habit of doing something helpful for the entire family, not just themselves. You will gradually add cleaning off table and putting dishes into dishwasher in a year but they don't need to know that.)

3. To help you learn these new routines, we have a chart where you will get a sticker for every time you make your bed, do hamper, put away toys when asked, laundry into drawers and once you get 5 stickers we'll do X (whatever little fun thing - go out for cocoa and a donut, go to the special far away playground, just the 2 of us (only the 1 kid who got those stickers), whatever you and Dad come up with as incentives. (NOT get a new barbie house, get a bike, or other BIG present. this is just a nice little treat and special time. You need to get out of the habit of trying to buy their agreement.)

4. and the consequence of you not cleaning up when told, or not putting your dirty clothing is this: 1st infraction, ipad is gone. 2nd infraction, TV shows are gone. 3rd consequence in the same day? YOU DO NOT want to know but it will be something like shoveling the steps off, sorting the laundry into color piles, or whatever task they CAN do but certainly don't normally do.

There will be PUSH BACK. There will be so much whining. Oh, so much! But you and Dad need to get on the same page and dial this $hit back right NOW because by the time your 8 year old is 12 years old it's too late. You can't control a kid that big, but by then, if they are used to contributing to the household, cleaning up after themselves, etc. then they will just continue forward and get new responsibilities as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Second the PP that said make it routine. Also, we've "disappeared" toys that get left out and that works REAL quick.