Discussion: What actually matters to you about your club and coaches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A parent was telling a story on how a coach told their kid that he has the power to ruin their future in soccer. All it takes is a phone call to the colleges they want and the clubs around them.

Stop being soft

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Of your player gets benched, there’s probably a reason behind it.

2. If it’s a long term thing and you get no clarity which clearly isn’t cool, then leave. There’s no shortage of clubs and teams.

“Benching” on its own isn’t bullying, but it could be a byproduct of it. The only place where you are guaranteed playing time is in Rec.

Part of the problem too is that the culture is soft. Deluded parents whose child can do no wrong are bullies, everything is the coach/teammates’ fault. If their kids are disciplined, it’s bullying or personal. I don’t think so.

Such a typical American response. I'm not talking about kids who are doing something wrong. More often than not, it is the kids who show up 5 minutes before the game or the kids who miss practice who don't get benched because they are the stronger players. The ones with something to prove are always early. I also have no problem with unequal playing time on a competitive team. However, particularly at younger ages, which I would say probably go up to U15, if you accepted money from the parents, put the kid on the team, and the kids is working hard in practice, has a good attitude, and is doing what is asked of him, that kid should get some playing time. Sorry, it is not soft to say that it is unacceptable for a coach of a non-DA or ECNL team to make a kid travel 2 hours to a game and then not give him one minute of playing time. If a kid is so far from the level of the team that there is no way he can safely play in the game, he shouldn't be on the team.

That's exactly what is wrong with soccer in this country. How is that smaller and slower kid who hasn't hit puberty going to get better if he never plays? He has to try to work on his own and find other opportunities, but that is difficult when 5 hours of each day of your weekend is spend on games. Your philosophy is why there is a relative age effect and why so many late bloomers leave the sport entirely. Trust me, even mentally tough kids with reasonable parents end up less motivated and discouraged when they work as hard as they can but can't get in games. In most clubs, it is more important to win playing the man-child who runs through everyone than to give a smaller, slower kid who is more technical a few minutes on the field.

I’m not American....

[Anonymous]

I’m not American....

Ok. So you are fine with kids who are working hard never playing in games?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m not American....

Ok. So you are fine with kids who are working hard never playing in games?

I never said that. You’re going to extremes and assuming people’s opinions to try to make your point. Now THAT is a very “American” thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

If you’re making no money from coaching then your comment is not valid for travel soccer parents. We pay too much money to put up with abusive coaches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my club and coach to be focused on the players. Some of the clubs around here seem to focus on celebrating the club and its staff more so than the kids. The self promoting at the club level is getting ridiculous.

Hahaha, yes, like giving coaches titles like director of this and director of that, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

Coach, thank you for your clarification. My level of disgust with club philosophies is not specific to my own player. If you coach a team of minority and often low income families,you will understand why, regardless of my own kid's playing time, I don't want to be part of a club with coaches who roster kids for out of town tournaments, some of them who are from low income families, and then refuse to give those kids any playing time at all in a weekend long tournament. These families make sacrifices to travel and get hotel rooms and it is not right for them to play maybe 5 minutes of garbage time at most in a weekend long tournament. That's my opinion, even if you think it is "soft."

The other thing that happens commonly (it has happened to us at two clubs) is that side arrangements and politics often dictate playing time or team assignments, rather than a player's commitment and work ethic. A club will bring over a group of players from another club, and suddenly they are playing over the old bench players, even though they seem to be on par with or below the level of the existing players. It happens all the time. It actually undermines a kids's motivation, because if he is working hard and has never been told anything negative by the coach, his logical conclusion is that he isn't good enough. Because, how did those kids who showed up for one practice earn the right to play over someone who has been at every practice working hard all season long?

Since 6th grade, our parenting philosophy has been to tell our son to speak directly to the coach about any issues.However, if year after year the answer is always "you are doing great. Keep up the good work" and playing time is still limited, we will ask questions directly.It is easy to say "find a new club" but you would be surprised how difficult it is to find the right club that balances competition with player development.

Also, who is "undersized" is relative, but the issue is often more one of late puberty than size. A 5 foot tall Hispanic kid whose father is 5'2 likely is developmentally further along than a 5 foot kid whose parents are 6 footers. Unfortunately, U13 and U14 is usually when coaches start significantly limiting playing time for the less developed kids, so by the time they are U15 or U16, when the top players would be expected to play the entire game, those kids are at a disadvantage even if they are growing. And trust me, it isn't sour grapes based on my own kids' situation. He ha been hanging in with the big guys for years and I can see him getting "better" as in stronger and more physical, as he approaches puberty. But he is still up against players who reached puberty years ago. The sad thing is that most of the kids we have known in our son's situation, those smaller, more technical players, have quit soccer entirely.

It sounds like you are doing a great job with the kids you coach Too bad there aren't more of you!

[Anonymous]

^+1 to all of that.

My U15 (just turned 14) is only 5’3” (though I think 5’4-5 ‘5” as of this morning) with a size 11 shoe. Every male in the family (a few pros) are all over 6 ft. It’s been a challenge to find teams/training in an area that values giants in the younger years. A lot of frustration, a lot of lies, a lot of watching politics. We focused on technical/ball skill, places that recognize and value IQ. Getting screwed over also fueled a fire in him. Like your kid, I am really noticing a big change in the last few months as my kid is heading into a growth spurt —the physical players that used to have an edge are losing it and my kids ball skill/agility/quickness are taking off in tandem with gaining muscle, inches each month.He’s starting to get a lot of attention and we have a lot of people coming to talk after games.

My dad coached and, like you, when I have pointed to certain players on the field at 9, 10, 11 he’s said he saw a ton of those kids and they stay the same size (genetics) and everyone else catches up in skill. The Peles everyone put on a pedestal at U9/10/11 start to fall off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

If you’re making no money from coaching then your comment is not valid for travel soccer parents. We pay too much money to put up with abusive coaches.

My comment is valid. Now if it’s not what you wanted to hear, that’s another thing. I don’t know you and I’m not obligated to please. I also don’t have anything against you, like I said if it’s that bad, talk to the coach, talk to club leadership, or find a new team. If the situation is that bad, why would you want to stay anyways? Get your kid out of there so they’re not subject to that abuse. I wish you, and most importantly, your player, the very best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^+1 to all of that.

My U15 (just turned 14) is only 5’3” (though I think 5’4-5 ‘5” as of this morning) with a size 11 shoe. Every male in the family (a few pros) are all over 6 ft. It’s been a challenge to find teams/training in an area that values giants in the younger years. A lot of frustration, a lot of lies, a lot of watching politics. We focused on technical/ball skill, places that recognize and value IQ. Getting screwed over also fueled a fire in him. Like your kid, I am really noticing a big change in the last few months as my kid is heading into a growth spurt —the physical players that used to have an edge are losing it and my kids ball skill/agility/quickness are taking off in tandem with gaining muscle, inches each month.He’s starting to get a lot of attention and we have a lot of people coming to talk after games.

My dad coached and, like you, when I have pointed to certain players on the field at 9, 10, 11 he’s said he saw a ton of those kids and they stay the same size (genetics) and everyone else catches up in skill. The Peles everyone put on a pedestal at U9/10/11 start to fall off.

There’s nothing like a technically gifted player with a chip on their shoulder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

Coach, thank you for your clarification. My level of disgust with club philosophies is not specific to my own player. If you coach a team of minority and often low income families,you will understand why, regardless of my own kid's playing time, I don't want to be part of a club with coaches who roster kids for out of town tournaments, some of them who are from low income families, and then refuse to give those kids any playing time at all in a weekend long tournament. These families make sacrifices to travel and get hotel rooms and it is not right for them to play maybe 5 minutes of garbage time at most in a weekend long tournament. That's my opinion, even if you think it is "soft."

The other thing that happens commonly (it has happened to us at two clubs) is that side arrangements and politics often dictate playing time or team assignments, rather than a player's commitment and work ethic. A club will bring over a group of players from another club, and suddenly they are playing over the old bench players, even though they seem to be on par with or below the level of the existing players. It happens all the time. It actually undermines a kids's motivation, because if he is working hard and has never been told anything negative by the coach, his logical conclusion is that he isn't good enough. Because, how did those kids who showed up for one practice earn the right to play over someone who has been at every practice working hard all season long?

Since 6th grade, our parenting philosophy has been to tell our son to speak directly to the coach about any issues.However, if year after year the answer is always "you are doing great. Keep up the good work" and playing time is still limited, we will ask questions directly.It is easy to say "find a new club" but you would be surprised how difficult it is to find the right club that balances competition with player development.

Also, who is "undersized" is relative, but the issue is often more one of late puberty than size. A 5 foot tall Hispanic kid whose father is 5'2 likely is developmentally further along than a 5 foot kid whose parents are 6 footers. Unfortunately, U13 and U14 is usually when coaches start significantly limiting playing time for the less developed kids, so by the time they are U15 or U16, when the top players would be expected to play the entire game, those kids are at a disadvantage even if they are growing. And trust me, it isn't sour grapes based on my own kids' situation. He ha been hanging in with the big guys for years and I can see him getting "better" as in stronger and more physical, as he approaches puberty. But he is still up against players who reached puberty years ago. The sad thing is that most of the kids we have known in our son's situation, those smaller, more technical players, have quit soccer entirely.

It sounds like you are doing a great job with the kids you coach Too bad there aren't more of you!

You made some sensible points, I was referring more to the Soccer culture in the US in general being soft, not you per se. Sorry if I didn’t express myself properly. As for playing against manchildren, I get it. 12 of our players are playing up 1 age group. 7 are playing up 2 age groups. It can be a struggle. Just keeps believing in them, things balance themselves out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just for reference. I’m a local coach. I make no money from coaching. The majority of our players are undersized, technical kids. Most of them minorities, a lot from low-income families. We help them with rides, try and figure out ways for them to pay or get assistance. Everybody gets to play, because they bust their butts at practice and deserve to. They’ve earned this opportunity, no one’s given the anything.

I’m sorry if you’re having issues with your own situation or your kid is being unfairly benched/blackballed, but like I said you need to take that up with the coach, club leadership, find a new team or simply drop to rec if you want guaranteed playing time. Just because I’m playing devil’s advocate and not blindly taking up your position, does not mean that I play politics with youth players. Best of luck and hope you and your player can figure this out.

Coach, thank you for your clarification. My level of disgust with club philosophies is not specific to my own player. If you coach a team of minority and often low income families,you will understand why, regardless of my own kid's playing time, I don't want to be part of a club with coaches who roster kids for out of town tournaments, some of them who are from low income families, and then refuse to give those kids any playing time at all in a weekend long tournament. These families make sacrifices to travel and get hotel rooms and it is not right for them to play maybe 5 minutes of garbage time at most in a weekend long tournament. That's my opinion, even if you think it is "soft."

The other thing that happens commonly (it has happened to us at two clubs) is that side arrangements and politics often dictate playing time or team assignments, rather than a player's commitment and work ethic. A club will bring over a group of players from another club, and suddenly they are playing over the old bench players, even though they seem to be on par with or below the level of the existing players. It happens all the time. It actually undermines a kids's motivation, because if he is working hard and has never been told anything negative by the coach, his logical conclusion is that he isn't good enough. Because, how did those kids who showed up for one practice earn the right to play over someone who has been at every practice working hard all season long?

Since 6th grade, our parenting philosophy has been to tell our son to speak directly to the coach about any issues.However, if year after year the answer is always "you are doing great. Keep up the good work" and playing time is still limited, we will ask questions directly.It is easy to say "find a new club" but you would be surprised how difficult it is to find the right club that balances competition with player development.

Also, who is "undersized" is relative, but the issue is often more one of late puberty than size. A 5 foot tall Hispanic kid whose father is 5'2 likely is developmentally further along than a 5 foot kid whose parents are 6 footers. Unfortunately, U13 and U14 is usually when coaches start significantly limiting playing time for the less developed kids, so by the time they are U15 or U16, when the top players would be expected to play the entire game, those kids are at a disadvantage even if they are growing. And trust me, it isn't sour grapes based on my own kids' situation. He ha been hanging in with the big guys for years and I can see him getting "better" as in stronger and more physical, as he approaches puberty. But he is still up against players who reached puberty years ago. The sad thing is that most of the kids we have known in our son's situation, those smaller, more technical players, have quit soccer entirely.

It sounds like you are doing a great job with the kids you coach Too bad there aren't more of you!

You made some sensible points, I was referring more to the Soccer culture in the US in general being soft, not you per se. Sorry if I didn’t express myself properly. As for playing against manchildren, I get it. 12 of our players are playing up 1 age group. 7 are playing up 2 age groups. It can be a struggle. Just keeps believing in them, things balance themselves out in the end.

So many play ups. Then why have age groups? This is only benefiting the play ups not the other players.

[Anonymous]

Many play ups are the same age as my December 31st bday kid.

I hear parents bragging about playing up with Jan/Feb/March bdays—-ummmm, yeah, your kid is 1-3 months younger. A lot of times it’s early puberty kids too. They should do age banding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many play ups are the same age as my December 31st bday kid.

I hear parents bragging about playing up with Jan/Feb/March bdays—-ummmm, yeah, your kid is 1-3 months younger. A lot of times it’s early puberty kids too. They should do age banding.

Maybe by weight-size like American football