Do you tell your kids Santa is real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me that parents in some cases are more invested in their children believing in Santa than the children are themselves.

I totally agree with this point. Kids seem to realize at about age 3-5 that lots of things aren't real (like cartoons or Halloween costumes), and that doesn't prevent them from enjoying those pretend things. I don't think Santa is any different. Plenty of people continue to enjoy xmas long after realizing that Santa is not real. Indeed, many people tell stories about how crushed they were at finding out that Santa is not real. In my house, we're not going out of our way to tell kids that Santa is pretend, but once each child starts questioning whether Santa (or tooth fairy or anything else) is real, we don't lie either.

And I totally agree with this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a first time parent who fully embraces make believe and magic and embracing the line between what is real and what is in our hearts, I am most afraid of the children of the OPs out there in the world. Because their parents cannot indulge a harmless dream, some young child (read: within the realistic age range to believe in Santa) may open their mouth and blow it for my child.

You do realize that this diverse, cosmopolitan area is home to a large number of non-Christians, right? I mean, come ON. Your kid is going to go to preschool with kids from Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, etc families. Some may celebrate Christmas but many (most?) won't believe in Santa. Time to move back to the boondocks if this is what scares you.

Well crap, no wonder I was feeling so backward and ignorant!

Oh geez, get over yourself. You can safely assume that I have the requisite ivy league education and attorney position that runs rampant on this listserve so I am somewhat familiar with the diverse and cultural aspects of this city. But sometimes Santa is just Santa -- secular, magical make believe that I share with my DC. What scares me is the defiance with which we stomp on people because they want to keep their children's lives magical a wee bit longer before reality sets in. My DC can appreciate the ast cultural differences that surround her and believe in Santa at the same time. Not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Meant to say ---
VAST cultural differences that surround her and believe in Santa at the same time. Not rocket science.

Urgh!

[Anonymous]

So am I supposed to tell my child that I believe in God and that Jesus is god or the son of god, and that I believe that communion is a holy experience, so my kid doesn't "ruin" mass (which I'm guessing is more important than Santa) for other children? With God, Jesus, and Santa, the party line in our house is "many, many people believe that and it makes them very happy. Your parents don't believe it. You can believe what you want and I won't mind one way or the other."

Our kids have to exist in a world of different opinions. My child hears that there is a Santa quite often and doesn't seem to mind that our point of view is different. We live on the same street as a church and she doesn't mind that we don't observe the most popular religion. She and other minorities have to live in a world where their families' beliefs are challenged every day. And she does fine.

PPs who said that parents are the role model are right. My daughter doesn't believe in Santa. Or Jesus as god. Why would she? No one she looks up to has told her that they're real-- her teachers in public school can't. Interestingly, she believes in heaven, something I've never mentioned. Her friend told her that the friend's dead dog is in heaven and my child won't give up that idea for anything. I don't believe it, but it comforts her. So the dog is in heaven. As I and our pets will be when we die. Okay.

As far as I can tell, most of my daughter's friends believe in Santa. My daughter hasn't "ruined" it because their belief in him is stronger than their belief in her and in whichever of our household ideas leak through her to them. They believe their parents. When they're older (they're 5 and 6), her lack of faith might crack open the Santa mystery a little sooner. But it was going to crack open. The only question is whether your friends will help that realization dawn on you before your knowledge of the world's size does.

I'm very sorry that some parents are worried that diverse points of view are going to injure their children. I think that you're seriously underestimating your children's sense of wonder, their belief in your values, and their resilience. I also think that it's unreasonable to ask anyone else to play along with your household traditions-- whether a largely secular and magical one or a religious one-- so that they don't question them. It's your job to teach your kids what you believe or want them to believe. It's my job to teach mine. If my kid comes home from a playdate believing in Jesus, I'm not calling mom and telling her to tell her kids that he isn't God, or telling her to shield my kid from their personal beliefs. The world is messy. Our kids can handle that with us to help them.

[Anonymous]

Thank, 9:34! That was well written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So am I supposed to tell my child that I believe in God and that Jesus is god or the son of god, and that I believe that communion is a holy experience, so my kid doesn't "ruin" mass (which I'm guessing is more important than Santa) for other children? With God, Jesus, and Santa, the party line in our house is "many, many people believe that and it makes them very happy. Your parents don't believe it. You can believe what you want and I won't mind one way or the other."

Our kids have to exist in a world of different opinions. My child hears that there is a Santa quite often and doesn't seem to mind that our point of view is different. We live on the same street as a church and she doesn't mind that we don't observe the most popular religion. She and other minorities have to live in a world where their families' beliefs are challenged every day. And she does fine.

PPs who said that parents are the role model are right. My daughter doesn't believe in Santa. Or Jesus as god. Why would she? No one she looks up to has told her that they're real-- her teachers in public school can't. Interestingly, she believes in heaven, something I've never mentioned. Her friend told her that the friend's dead dog is in heaven and my child won't give up that idea for anything. I don't believe it, but it comforts her. So the dog is in heaven. As I and our pets will be when we die. Okay.

As far as I can tell, most of my daughter's friends believe in Santa. My daughter hasn't "ruined" it because their belief in him is stronger than their belief in her and in whichever of our household ideas leak through her to them. They believe their parents. When they're older (they're 5 and 6), her lack of faith might crack open the Santa mystery a little sooner. But it was going to crack open. The only question is whether your friends will help that realization dawn on you before your knowledge of the world's size does.

I'm very sorry that some parents are worried that diverse points of view are going to injure their children. I think that you're seriously underestimating your children's sense of wonder, their belief in your values, and their resilience. I also think that it's unreasonable to ask anyone else to play along with your household traditions-- whether a largely secular and magical one or a religious one-- so that they don't question them. It's your job to teach your kids what you believe or want them to believe. It's my job to teach mine. If my kid comes home from a playdate believing in Jesus, I'm not calling mom and telling her to tell her kids that he isn't God, or telling her to shield my kid from their personal beliefs. The world is messy. Our kids can handle that with us to help them.

I don't care a bit if people don't believe in Santa or if they tell their kids Santa isn't real. But, the OP came across as pretty obnoxious and self-congratulatory, and I think the people who say that if you tell your kids Santa is real you're setting them up for crushing disappointment or feeling betrayed are ridiculous. I think turning it into "parents who tell their kids Santa is real are scared in diverse points of view" is likewise ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So am I supposed to tell my child that I believe in God and that Jesus is god or the son of god, and that I believe that communion is a holy experience, so my kid doesn't "ruin" mass (which I'm guessing is more important than Santa) for other children? With God, Jesus, and Santa, the party line in our house is "many, many people believe that and it makes them very happy. Your parents don't believe it. You can believe what you want and I won't mind one way or the other."

Our kids have to exist in a world of different opinions. My child hears that there is a Santa quite often and doesn't seem to mind that our point of view is different. We live on the same street as a church and she doesn't mind that we don't observe the most popular religion. She and other minorities have to live in a world where their families' beliefs are challenged every day. And she does fine.

PPs who said that parents are the role model are right. My daughter doesn't believe in Santa. Or Jesus as god. Why would she? No one she looks up to has told her that they're real-- her teachers in public school can't. Interestingly, she believes in heaven, something I've never mentioned. Her friend told her that the friend's dead dog is in heaven and my child won't give up that idea for anything. I don't believe it, but it comforts her. So the dog is in heaven. As I and our pets will be when we die. Okay.

As far as I can tell, most of my daughter's friends believe in Santa. My daughter hasn't "ruined" it because their belief in him is stronger than their belief in her and in whichever of our household ideas leak through her to them. They believe their parents. When they're older (they're 5 and 6), her lack of faith might crack open the Santa mystery a little sooner. But it was going to crack open. The only question is whether your friends will help that realization dawn on you before your knowledge of the world's size does.

I'm very sorry that some parents are worried that diverse points of view are going to injure their children. I think that you're seriously underestimating your children's sense of wonder, their belief in your values, and their resilience. I also think that it's unreasonable to ask anyone else to play along with your household traditions-- whether a largely secular and magical one or a religious one-- so that they don't question them. It's your job to teach your kids what you believe or want them to believe. It's my job to teach mine. If my kid comes home from a playdate believing in Jesus, I'm not calling mom and telling her to tell her kids that he isn't God, or telling her to shield my kid from their personal beliefs. The world is messy. Our kids can handle that with us to help them.

But why do they need to at 3? So the harsh realities of the world can make them anxious, bitter, and angry? You're asking them to deal with things that they are cognitively incapable of doing.

[Anonymous]

But why do they need to at 3? So the harsh realities of the world can make them anxious, bitter, and angry? You're asking them to deal with things that they are cognitively incapable of doing.

9:34 here. From the perspective of non-Christians, living without Santa Claus is not a "harsh reality." They have lovely holidays, lovely decorations, even enjoy seeing the festive stuff like the Botanic Garden trains. Their holidays are fine. My child didn't miss out at three because she comes from a non-Christian family who doesn't even do the secular tradition of Santa.

All I'm saying is that we're not giving up our own belief system and our own way of looking at the world in order to make some other family happy. If you want to teach your kid a fairy tale, it's on you to do so. It's not on me to get my small child into the mix so that your child is safe from that. And it's certainly not on me to choose something that I don't believe and that could eventually disappoint her in order for you to get to select the exact age at which your child is disappointed.

Again. it's no different than god. It's not for me to raise your kids, and it's certainly not my daughter's responsibility.

It's not your responsibility to tell your children not to discuss Santa in front of mine so that she doesn't feel left out of the fun and wonder. It's my job to deal with my child's questions about Santa, Jesus, compassionate conservatives, clean coal, Allah, supply side economics, Kosher laws, and a whole bunch of other things that her parents don't believe in, if someday her friends start talking about them. Even if they say that she's going to hell. Their belief, our problem to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But why do they need to at 3? So the harsh realities of the world can make them anxious, bitter, and angry? You're asking them to deal with things that they are cognitively incapable of doing.

9:34 here. From the perspective of non-Christians, living without Santa Claus is not a "harsh reality." They have lovely holidays, lovely decorations, even enjoy seeing the festive stuff like the Botanic Garden trains. Their holidays are fine. My child didn't miss out at three because she comes from a non-Christian family who doesn't even do the secular tradition of Santa.

All I'm saying is that we're not giving up our own belief system and our own way of looking at the world in order to make some other family happy. If you want to teach your kid a fairy tale, it's on you to do so. It's not on me to get my small child into the mix so that your child is safe from that. And it's certainly not on me to choose something that I don't believe and that could eventually disappoint her in order for you to get to select the exact age at which your child is disappointed.

Again. it's no different than god. It's not for me to raise your kids, and it's certainly not my daughter's responsibility.

It's not your responsibility to tell your children not to discuss Santa in front of mine so that she doesn't feel left out of the fun and wonder. It's my job to deal with my child's questions about Santa, Jesus, compassionate conservatives, clean coal, Allah, supply side economics, Kosher laws, and a whole bunch of other things that her parents don't believe in, if someday her friends start talking about them. Even if they say that she's going to hell. Their belief, our problem to deal with.

I think your posts are thoughtful and well-written. I've been thinking the same things, but haven't found the words. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I think there's a difference between not doing the Santa thing in your house or otherwise (totally understandable, of course) and what OP seemed to say, which is more like, "We're going to play along with this Santa thing, right, because it's really fun to talk about him and get the presents and everything, but just so you know, three-year-old, HE'S TOTALLY FAKE." To me, there is a difference. The first seems totally fine. The second seems pointless.

[Anonymous]

For many Christians, me included, Santa is a wholly different holiday aspect than the religous part. We keep it very separate in our home. We make sure the true meaning of the religous holiday is a part of DC's understanding of Christmas. DC knows that other faiths have a different story they cherish at this time.

In our home Santa has nothing to do with Christ's Mass. Santa represents the present day fun and magic *the fluff if you will* of the holiday.

So I guess I am perplexed by the PPs who are not Christian jumping down the throats of folks who embrace Santa. Did YOU all ever stop to understand that many, many Christians do not equate Santa with the birth of Jesus Christ? Please stop assuming that, it is an equal insult to the Christian faith.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the debate (as these things get quite testy), so I am just answering the question.

We did decide to go the route of saying Santa was real. Last year at 2, it freaked my son out. This year, at 3, he WANTS to believe, but is already questioning it - "How can a fat guy fit down a chimney.", "HOW many kids does he give gifts to?", "etc, etc. So I don't think we are going to push the issue and make up elaborate lies.

But I'm not sure what to do about all the fake Santas, as he certainly gets so darn excited when he sees them (before he runs and hides). Clearly, that can't last long. Too many Santas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I'm not sure what to do about all the fake Santas, as he certainly gets so darn excited when he sees them (before he runs and hides). Clearly, that can't last long. Too many Santas

They're Santa's helpers. Obviously the real Santa has to stay at the North Pole and get the gifts ready. The helpers just report back to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the debate (as these things get quite testy), so I am just answering the question.

We did decide to go the route of saying Santa was real. Last year at 2, it freaked my son out. This year, at 3, he WANTS to believe, but is already questioning it - "How can a fat guy fit down a chimney.", "HOW many kids does he give gifts to?", "etc, etc. So I don't think we are going to push the issue and make up elaborate lies.

But I'm not sure what to do about all the fake Santas, as he certainly gets so darn excited when he sees them (before he runs and hides). Clearly, that can't last long. Too many Santas

This was me. I don't remember ever really believing when I was little. My mother never told me he was real or not. But I enjoyed Christmas all the same.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is tooting her own horn or saying she's too smart for Santa stories. Maybe she just has a different perspective on the whole Santa thing. So what? Maybe she is a very honest person who can't bring herself to tell the littlest "lie." I don't see why people have to jump all over her and jump to the nastiest conclusion possible.