I wish I wasn’t a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

I have three children, now grown, and they never acted like this at any age. Perhaps she is simply a spoiled brat.

How sad that you are their parent

Love all the parents getting their undies in a bunch over the thought that poor parenting may have led to poor behavior on this child's part. As another poster wrote, it's either biological or its parenting. Frankly, poor parenting is the more preferable option of the two, as that can be fairly easily fixed, assuming the parent is willing to change their ways. If it's something organic, OP is in for a bumpy ride.

[Anonymous]

If you are in nova - dr Rene has fantasitic classes AND an amazing summer camp at country day that is a social skills camp but you get major parent feedback etc. also in Maryland dr dan - can’t remember his last name - does the parenting your difficult child series - I’ve used both of them

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way but my only child is 18. Raising her almost killed me and I am not done yet. Just glad I only had one.

[Anonymous]

How is her sleep? My kid is younger (a month away from 3), but sleep makes a HUGE difference in how she acts.

If you maintain clear and consistent rules, make sure she gets enough sleep, keep her on a consistent routine, and she's still acting out, then I would suggest asking her pediatrician if maybe something else is going on.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

I have three children, now grown, and they never acted like this at any age. Perhaps she is simply a spoiled brat.

How is that helpful? Either it’s parenting, and there’s no need to rub it in, or it’s the kid’s biology, and that comment was uncalled for.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Kids pick up on stress and emotions in the home. Different kids also need different parenting approaches to be regulated and in control.

Dysregulated kids are usually reacting - sometimes too few expectations and boundaries, other times too many, to the dynamic between parent and child, to everything around them.

OP work with a parenting professional who can help you fix the dynamics and strategies you use. It doesn't have to be like this.

[Anonymous]

My son was exactly like this. Started at age 3 and continued until almost 6. Turned out he had an anxiety disorder. A 3 or 4 year old can't articulate that they are feeling stressed out, so it came out as anger. Just knowing that made a world of difference. We saw a family therapist to learn coping techniques. Might be worth looking into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, does she have a diagnosis?

Wow

Nope, not “wow.” Typical 4yos do not behave that way so consistently that their parents regret having them. When something isn’t typical, you pursue insight from medical and mental health professionals.

OP, have you and DH tried parenting classes? Because if she’s not atypical, you need to look at you.

idk. Maybe some 4 years olds do test their parents like this. I've really questioned my parenting since having a teen and do NOT think I will make it. It's humbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was exactly like this. Started at age 3 and continued until almost 6. Turned out he had an anxiety disorder. A 3 or 4 year old can't articulate that they are feeling stressed out, so it came out as anger. Just knowing that made a world of difference. We saw a family therapist to learn coping techniques. Might be worth looking into.

This was my exact experience as well. My child is doing really well as a preteen - night and day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's how I feel about my DS6 who has ADHD (and other issues). He drives me mad to the point of daily regret, so I am working on my own reactions to his behavior: trying not to be embarrassed of him, ashamed of how far behind he has always been, ignoring his irritating behaviors and obsessions, etc.

Hugs, OP. I get it!

Similar, but I have one with ADHD and the other has ASD. It’s a lot. The one with ADHD is fairly easygoing, but also has anxiety and panic attacks. They’re teens now.

When the one with ASD was 4, he was so difficult. It was such a rough year. It was almost like he had learned and matured so much, plus he was in full time preschool, so he thought he knew as much as or more than us. He’s smart but not that smart. He was always testing boundaries and trying to prove he was more capable or knew better than us adults. 4 was harder than 2 or 3 for us with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, older than yours. One is very easygoing, very well-behaved, and the kind of child that makes you wish you had a houseful of kids. The other is a challenge, difficult to like at time, and the kind that makes you realize if he had been the first child, he'd be the only child. And just to be clear, I love both my children dearly. As it turns out, the challenging child has anxiety that manifests itself through oppositional behavior and anger. He is in counseling and DH and I have done parent training too. It was clear from a very young age, 2 or so, that he had different needs. So sometimes that "spirited" child actually has real needs that should be addressed.

Good luck, OP!

Can you please share how your DS was diagnosed and what steps you took to get him into counseling? He sounds similar to my DS who is almost 3 and may very well end up an only child because of his behavior! We've discussed with his pediatrician who didn't seem concerned but I think we might need to be a bit more proactive and at least get an evaluation.

PP here. It's been a more recent diagnosis for him, but was not surprising by any means. He's now in 4th grade and when he was in 2nd, I started taking him a counselor, which wasn't a positive experience for anyone involved. We actually took him to get a psychoeducational eval at George Mason at the end of 2nd grade because we noticed a major resistance to school work, etc. and had wanted to make sure we weren't missing any learning flags. They did indeed give him an anxiety diagnosis, along with sub-clinical symptoms of ADHD and oppositional defiance disorder. He started counseling at George Mason for his 3rd grade year, where they did CBT.

We also had him evaluated by Kennedy Krieger, which also gave him an anxiety diagnosis. They offered to give him medication. DH and I are not opposed to meds by any means, but we wanted to really give CBT a good try before thinking about meds. DS continues to be in counseling at Mason. I am a worrier- probably do have clinical anxiety myself- so I'm not surprised. DS also has had some health issues early on- severe food allergies, lots of ear infections, asthma concerns- so just a lot going on for a kid who's already predisposed to anxiety.

Good luck. We're still new to dealing with all this, but from what I can read, anger and anxiety (and ADHD) are all often intertwined with each other.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3.5 year old, will be 4 in January. Despite having been a great sleeper since about 6 months, she has recently just completely fallen apart and it's taking such a toll. We also have a 15 month old. I have really been thinking "God why did I do this to myself?" regularly. It is so, so hard. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for having these thoughts. Just wanted to say I am there with you. I love my kids but man sometime I just want to disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

I have three children, now grown, and they never acted like this at any age. Perhaps she is simply a spoiled brat.

I'm with you PP. Obviously I don't know what's happening with the kids mentioned in this thread but in general I'm amazed at what people tolerate as normal behavior in their kids.

[Anonymous]

OP - I think some strategies can help:

- Take parenting classes (PEP) to give you strategies to deal with her behavior. Some are more difficult than others, absolutely, but that doesn't mean you can't figure out a way that best minimizes her bad behavior.

- Schedule REGULAR me-time. You and DH can switch off, but make it routine. Not just going to the grocery store at 9pm to get away, but specific things that you enjoy and that bring you peace. Maybe that's even a weekend trip or something to look forward to when times are tough.

- Try things to do as a family that will be enjoyable...game night, hiking (yes 4yos can hike short distances), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

Enabled by my H, my 4 old screamed at me to go away as soon as walked into the room. I flashd a big smile and said, ok I love you bye bye, and walked out. Had a great dinner at a fancy restaurant by myself. H was stuck with kid dinner and bedtime routines. The next morning, everyone was so nice to me!