I wish I wasn’t a parent

[Anonymous]

How involved is your partner with childcare and housework? I’ve found that I can deal with challenging child behavior much better when I’m not overwhelmed with feeling I have to do everything and when I get plenty of me time. It doesn’t fix the problems but I can cope so much better when my batteries are recharged.

[Anonymous]

Read: Transforming the Difficult Child. I wish I had read it when my son was 4....but it is a life changer. Also called: The Nurtured Heart Approach

[Anonymous]

Do you think she wants attention? My DD was very calm and happy, but needed me 24/7 to be in that state.

[Anonymous]

I do play therapy with my 3 year old, with assistance from a therapist. He was hell, and it’s made a huge difference. Another poster broke it down step by step within the last week. Wish I could remember the thread. Something about a 7 year old, maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I 1000% regret having my 4 year old... she is a terror and doesn’t listen no matter what I do. Screams and cries all the time. My marriage is suffering, my mental health is suffering. I just want to run away.

The constant screaming and crying — could it be that she is overtired? What is her sleep schedule like?

On not listening, young kids pretty much want to do what they want to do at all times. I view my job as 40% making sure acceptable (to me) and attractive (to them) options are generally available, 40% making them think my idea is their idea (for things such as meal time, bed time, wash hands, bath, go somewhere, help with chores) and 20% setting boundaries when the rest doesn’t work. The first two things take a lot of energy and creativity but if I switch proportions there is a little setting on children called Control Override where the defiance kicks in and they are no longer able to deal.

[Anonymous]

PP here - How to Talk so Little Kids will listen has helped a ton. It’s basically tons of practical strategies to elicit cooperation without power struggle.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for being honest. Maybe others can learn from your mistake.

[Anonymous]

How long is she out of the house at preschool & care each day? What is her schedule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's how I feel about my DS6 who has ADHD (and other issues). He drives me mad to the point of daily regret, so I am working on my own reactions to his behavior: trying not to be embarrassed of him, ashamed of how far behind he has always been, ignoring his irritating behaviors and obsessions, etc.

Hugs, OP. I get it!

+2. I could’ve written this post, except my DS is 7. OP, I completely understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

I wrote this. My daughter is very quiet at preschool and in the public. She is very cooperative in preschool/structured activities, she won't cry, but she won't really engage with other kids easily. She won't talk to strangers at all. But she is very difficult at home and spends most of the day with father/babysitter. I spend all day at work. She doesn't see me in am because she is still asleep. When I get home around 5 pm, she protests sometimes- why mommy came home and wants to play with daddy only. I guess, some kids are easier than others.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, older than yours. One is very easygoing, very well-behaved, and the kind of child that makes you wish you had a houseful of kids. The other is a challenge, difficult to like at time, and the kind that makes you realize if he had been the first child, he'd be the only child. And just to be clear, I love both my children dearly. As it turns out, the challenging child has anxiety that manifests itself through oppositional behavior and anger. He is in counseling and DH and I have done parent training too. It was clear from a very young age, 2 or so, that he had different needs. So sometimes that "spirited" child actually has real needs that should be addressed.

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Parenting classes with a LCSW helped us.

[Anonymous]

My kids were not like that ever. We never had to spank but I would be open to it before DD caused a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids, older than yours. One is very easygoing, very well-behaved, and the kind of child that makes you wish you had a houseful of kids. The other is a challenge, difficult to like at time, and the kind that makes you realize if he had been the first child, he'd be the only child. And just to be clear, I love both my children dearly. As it turns out, the challenging child has anxiety that manifests itself through oppositional behavior and anger. He is in counseling and DH and I have done parent training too. It was clear from a very young age, 2 or so, that he had different needs. So sometimes that "spirited" child actually has real needs that should be addressed.

Good luck, OP!

Can you please share how your DS was diagnosed and what steps you took to get him into counseling? He sounds similar to my DS who is almost 3 and may very well end up an only child because of his behavior! We've discussed with his pediatrician who didn't seem concerned but I think we might need to be a bit more proactive and at least get an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, does she have a diagnosis?

Wow

Nope, not “wow.” Typical 4yos do not behave that way so consistently that their parents regret having them. When something isn’t typical, you pursue insight from medical and mental health professionals.

OP, have you and DH tried parenting classes? Because if she’s not atypical, you need to look at you.