Alzheimers and Dementia Care - what did your family do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

Both my parents were experiencing cognitive issues, but my dad had an Alzheimers diagnosis. At first we had some intermittent caregivers and they were in their home but we had to move them to an apartment because the house was too much. They did not understand or want to move.

Then we had round the clock in-home care but when they can't physically move the person (just to sit up, get up on toilet, help bath, etc.) and the equipment is too big or expensive to have (also my mom is OCD and refused to have the equipment in the apartment) then they need to be in a nursing home type of facility which does have that equipment. You almost have no choice. A 25 year old female caregiving simply cannot physically move a 200 pound man with alzheimers without special equipment.

As previous posters have said, the best time to transition is after a hospital stay. My parents were in a continuum of care type of place, so after the hospital my dad went to the skilled nursing floor (not necessarily memory patients), got rehabbed there a bit and then never went back to the apartment. He went into the memory care unit. He died there about a year later.

You may have to lie to your parents, you may have to manipulate them into going to a care facility, unless you have had many previous clear-eyed and direct conversations about their care. It isn't pretty and it's not fun.

This, so this. it's one of those little secrets nobody tells you.If they are difficult especially you often need to tell little lies and do all sorts of manipulations to get them the proper care.

I am just figuring this out (mom with moderate dementia), and damn it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

Both my parents were experiencing cognitive issues, but my dad had an Alzheimers diagnosis. At first we had some intermittent caregivers and they were in their home but we had to move them to an apartment because the house was too much. They did not understand or want to move.

Then we had round the clock in-home care but when they can't physically move the person (just to sit up, get up on toilet, help bath, etc.) and the equipment is too big or expensive to have (also my mom is OCD and refused to have the equipment in the apartment) then they need to be in a nursing home type of facility which does have that equipment. You almost have no choice. A 25 year old female caregiving simply cannot physically move a 200 pound man with alzheimers without special equipment.

As previous posters have said, the best time to transition is after a hospital stay. My parents were in a continuum of care type of place, so after the hospital my dad went to the skilled nursing floor (not necessarily memory patients), got rehabbed there a bit and then never went back to the apartment. He went into the memory care unit. He died there about a year later.

You may have to lie to your parents, you may have to manipulate them into going to a care facility, unless you have had many previous clear-eyed and direct conversations about their care. It isn't pretty and it's not fun.

This, so this. it's one of those little secrets nobody tells you.If they are difficult especially you often need to tell little lies and do all sorts of manipulations to get them the proper care.

I am just figuring this out (mom with moderate dementia), and damn it’s hard.

We brought my MIL home to live with us for about a year but I couldn't do it anymore as I couldn't leave her home alone nor had the money to hire help and it was impacting my young kids. I just made the nursing home arrangements (harder as it was medicaid) and we brought her to the facility. At that point, she was pretty far into moderate dementia so even if we told her she wouldn't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would not recommend Memory Care in an Assisted Living Facility. Those facilities are unregulated and for profit. You will pay A LOT of money for your loved one to be taken care of by minimally trained staffed and certainly not experts in elderly or memory issues. Do your research and talk to families of relatives in Memory Care before you do anything. Assisted Living facilities are desperate for customers since COVID and you will get the hard sell to put your loved one into one of those places.

So what do you recommend?

My mom would wander outside on her own, so she needed to be watched 24/7. My dad couldn't sleep or even just go to the bathroom without my mom walking out the door and down the street.

Where my parents live, a team of caregivers for 24/7 coverage would have been $30,000/month, which my parents could not afford. Memory care was $8,000/month, which they CAN afford.

So what would you recommend to my parents? Just let my mom wander out into traffic or God knows what dangerous situation? Elderly people DIE horrific deaths under those circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

Both my parents were experiencing cognitive issues, but my dad had an Alzheimers diagnosis. At first we had some intermittent caregivers and they were in their home but we had to move them to an apartment because the house was too much. They did not understand or want to move.

Then we had round the clock in-home care but when they can't physically move the person (just to sit up, get up on toilet, help bath, etc.) and the equipment is too big or expensive to have (also my mom is OCD and refused to have the equipment in the apartment) then they need to be in a nursing home type of facility which does have that equipment. You almost have no choice. A 25 year old female caregiving simply cannot physically move a 200 pound man with alzheimers without special equipment.

As previous posters have said, the best time to transition is after a hospital stay. My parents were in a continuum of care type of place, so after the hospital my dad went to the skilled nursing floor (not necessarily memory patients), got rehabbed there a bit and then never went back to the apartment. He went into the memory care unit. He died there about a year later.

You may have to lie to your parents, you may have to manipulate them into going to a care facility, unless you have had many previous clear-eyed and direct conversations about their care. It isn't pretty and it's not fun.

This, so this. it's one of those little secrets nobody tells you.If they are difficult especially you often need to tell little lies and do all sorts of manipulations to get them the proper care.

I am just figuring this out (mom with moderate dementia), and damn it’s hard.

It’s called therapeutic lying. Once you figure that out, it gets much easier.

Life has gotten much easier now that my parents are in a CCRC. They are in IL since my Dad can still care for my Mom. She can still cook, clean and shower. But we got them in just in time because I’m noticing my Dad starting to have small memory declines. What’s really nice is they have a health clinic on-site. So if they have to move up to AL, SN, rehab or MC, they have doctors that are familiar with their care.

And I have to say strong psychiatric drugs has made life with my Mom tolerable. Yes, she’s a little more spacey than she used to be. But without it, she was a raving lunatic. She was miserable, we were miserable and my Dad was in danger. I agree that over medicated is bad. But some medication when needed is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP,

Both my parents were experiencing cognitive issues, but my dad had an Alzheimers diagnosis. At first we had some intermittent caregivers and they were in their home but we had to move them to an apartment because the house was too much. They did not understand or want to move.

Then we had round the clock in-home care but when they can't physically move the person (just to sit up, get up on toilet, help bath, etc.) and the equipment is too big or expensive to have (also my mom is OCD and refused to have the equipment in the apartment) then they need to be in a nursing home type of facility which does have that equipment. You almost have no choice. A 25 year old female caregiving simply cannot physically move a 200 pound man with alzheimers without special equipment.

As previous posters have said, the best time to transition is after a hospital stay. My parents were in a continuum of care type of place, so after the hospital my dad went to the skilled nursing floor (not necessarily memory patients), got rehabbed there a bit and then never went back to the apartment. He went into the memory care unit. He died there about a year later.

You may have to lie to your parents, you may have to manipulate them into going to a care facility, unless you have had many previous clear-eyed and direct conversations about their care. It isn't pretty and it's not fun.

This, so this. it's one of those little secrets nobody tells you.If they are difficult especially you often need to tell little lies and do all sorts of manipulations to get them the proper care.

I am just figuring this out (mom with moderate dementia), and damn it’s hard.

It’s called therapeutic lying. Once you figure that out, it gets much easier.

Life has gotten much easier now that my parents are in a CCRC. They are in IL since my Dad can still care for my Mom. She can still cook, clean and shower. But we got them in just in time because I’m noticing my Dad starting to have small memory declines. What’s really nice is they have a health clinic on-site. So if they have to move up to AL, SN, rehab or MC, they have doctors that are familiar with their care.

And I have to say strong psychiatric drugs has made life with my Mom tolerable. Yes, she’s a little more spacey than she used to be. But without it, she was a raving lunatic. She was miserable, we were miserable and my Dad was in danger. I agree that over medicated is bad. But some medication when needed is good.

My FIL was more cooperative and CCRC truly is the dream. My mother, though losing it, is sharp enough to understand therapeutic lies and she is determined to age in place. The only victory we have had in her care was psychiatric meds. On them she is no longer an abusive, manipulative, angry monster determined to make my life a living hell. Any time I took a break from her she lashed out at others. Unfortunately, she deems herself fine and "not one of THOSE crazies" every 4 months or so and she goes off and reverts back to being a horrible, horrible person. Her doctors have tried to convince her to stop doing this, but I think as soon as she feels totally better she decides there must be nothing wrong.