What will happen if we don't pay DC's tuition bill this semester?

[Anonymous]

Might be too late for this family, but you should have a separate checking account just for tuition. This way you can place money in the account as tuition is due and the school can't take money you haven't authorized.

Parent: I hope you can be the adult and call your child and offer to pay 1 semester of tuition for now until you have a talk about next semester.

[Anonymous]

What will happen? Relationship damaged, maybe forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What will happen? Relationship damaged, maybe forever.

This. Do you honestly think that this will be the wake up call you think it will be? No. It will just reinforce whatever negative opinion she has about you. Don't expect to be able to repair your relationship with this. A pp had a great suggestion on how to go about this situation and I hope you will listen.

[Anonymous]

At the start of DD’s 2nd semester freshman year, her dad announced, he would not pay his share. It wasn’t anything she did. I’d like to believe it also had nothing to do with the fact that I started dating my now DH a few months earlier, but whatever. It was too late to adjust FA or start the monthly payment plan.

The accounts payable office university told us that she could not have a balance and continue attending, but the ombudsman’s office simply froze her account and told us to pay as much as we could whenever we could and she couldn’t reregister or get records until the balance was paid.
She continued living in the door and eating meals.

It was all paid off by mid-April. She did miss the housing deadline and the first wave of registration, but they didn’t kick her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand the poster’s feelings. It is galling when a child (who thinks they are adults—in the fun ways, not the responsibility ways) is ungrateful and disrespectful.

I would say though that she deserves a clear warning and time to turn her treatment of the family around. And if you have never followed through on setting clear boundaries before, you need to find a way to tell her that this time will be different.

Good luck

+1. Spoiled brat is calling mom and dad's bluff because she knows they're doormats. Surprised to see all the other doormats in this thread who would continue ponying up tens of thousands while being treated like dirt on their kid's shoe.

[Anonymous]

Wow. If this were my DD, my first thought would be that something must have gone very wrong in her life for her to behave this way. Of course, she wouldn’t be driving off to college in a newly leased car. But, that’s beside the point.

My thought would be— was she assaulted? A victim of trauma? Pregnant? Substance abuse issue? I would find my kid, figure out why there was a sudden, dramatic behavior shift, and get her help. ASAP. I would definitely not be plotting on DCUM to make her life worse.

Of course, if this wasn’t a sudden, dramatic behavior shift, then I would look in the mirror and see the problem, because I would have waited about 15 years too long to deal with bratty behavior. In which case, I would be part of the problem.

OP— if your DD has always been a brat, you don’t suddenly shift the rules because you no longer like the terms of engagement. You honor your commitment in terms of paying for college, what ever that commitment was in term of grades, academic progress, amount, etc. Because even entitled brats need an education. You are part of the problem. And, you don’t want grandkids living in poverty plus having a bratty mom. And make clear now that you stop funding her life in graduation day, which will be after 4 years of college, and not 7.

The car OTOH? 60 days notice that you will stop making the lease payments. If she wants or needs a car, it’s time to get a PT job. The same goes for all luxuries.

If your DD hasn’t always been a brat, quit being passive aggressive about college tuition and go help your kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the start of DD’s 2nd semester freshman year, her dad announced, he would not pay his share. It wasn’t anything she did. I’d like to believe it also had nothing to do with the fact that I started dating my now DH a few months earlier, but whatever. It was too late to adjust FA or start the monthly payment plan.

The accounts payable office university told us that she could not have a balance and continue attending, but the ombudsman’s office simply froze her account and told us to pay as much as we could whenever we could and she couldn’t reregister or get records until the balance was paid.
She continued living in the door and eating meals.

It was all paid off by mid-April. She did miss the housing deadline and the first wave of registration, but they didn’t kick her out.

Not OP, but: I'm so sorry your ex--a student's dad, supposedly committed to her education!--was such a total jack@$$ toward his own child, PP. How short-sighted of him; she will resent him the rest of her life, and rightly so.

At least the school worked out something within its payment rules. It sounds as if the OP is currently unwilling even to inquire with her DD's college to ask what to do and would leave it all up to her kid to figure out what you seem to have helped your DD find out from her college. OP, have you considered asking the college financial office, instead of strangers with kids at different schools, what happens if tuition doesn't show up? Or would inquiring be "helping" your DD more than you want?

[Anonymous]

If I’m not mistaken, at my child’s school the account is in her name alone. They don’t care if she, us, or Santa Claus pays the bill but the account and all files associated with it are hers. She has made us an authorized user so we can go in and make a payment, etc but if she didn’t give us that access, it would not be my responsibility to cover her tuition.

[Anonymous]

So you know he is alive because you can see his college bill? How do you know your child is alive? How do you know he enrolled for classes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you know he is alive because you can see his college bill? How do you know your child is alive? How do you know he enrolled for classes?

Exactly. OP does not seem all the interested in finding out what is going on with her kid. Unless her kid has always been like this. Ina which case, that’s on OP.

Please OP. Make sure your kid is alive.

[Anonymous]

I'm always amazed by adults who think throwing a hissy fit over something so life-changing is ever a good idea. Your DD is presumably 18. She may be a brat, but don't kid yourself into thinking you played no part in that. That somehow your parenting had no role in that.

Presumably, you have all sacrificed to get where you are today. Your child is enrolled in her college of choice that will improve her employment prospects. Communication is a two-way street. If you want to ruin her future over a hissy fit, then by all means do. But know full well what you're doing.

Also, college these days is an extension of high school and hardly this luxury that some of you seem to think it is. I am a firm believer in higher education and would never do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always amazed by adults who think throwing a hissy fit over something so life-changing is ever a good idea. Your DD is presumably 18. She may be a brat, but don't kid yourself into thinking you played no part in that. That somehow your parenting had no role in that.

Presumably, you have all sacrificed to get where you are today. Your child is enrolled in her college of choice that will improve her employment prospects. Communication is a two-way street. If you want to ruin her future over a hissy fit, then by all means do. But know full well what you're doing.

Also, college these days is an extension of high school and hardly this luxury that some of you seem to think it is. I am a firm believer in higher education and would never do this.

Let me guess: your kids are awesome due to your awesomeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a control freak. This is why the DD is putting up boundaries and distance between them. Sure, op is free to not pay and I think the kid will be fine and survive, just not get that degree on schedule. There is no amount of money worth selling your soul. If OP needs a performance out of her DD, she is better off throwing in a lot of love along with that money. Obviously, using money as a weapon isn’t working out.

Agree with this completely. Cutting off your kid because she was "rude and mean" is beyond childish but it sounds like OP is okay with never having a relationship with her kid again so I'm guessing these issues are deeply rooted. My DD wasn't always the most pleasant teen but I am so grateful I didn't react like the OP.

Lying and cocksure financially dependent college student cuts off communication with parents, left for college without so much as a bye (in the new leased car the parents pay for), and expects a large pot of gold to fall from the sky (because it always did the other semesters). And the parents are in the wrong? Interesting.

Well, I would have started by not leasing said college student a new car.

[Anonymous]

They will not let him graduate with an outstanding balance, in any event.

What’s going on? Why no contact?

[Anonymous]

Per typical DCUM (See the two posts on bathroom etiquette today)....

People here literally just side with the opposite of the OP.

If teenage girl had posted that she was in a newly leased car under her parents' names/$$, and hadn't spoken to them since JUne and would not be continuing their relationship, but how DARE they not pay for college anymore... You'd hate her. But since its the mom you hate her