Switching to part-time work vs getting nanny/au pair/more childcare

[Anonymous]

OP: I recommend you go PT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, nothing is better than a nanny/house manager. Our former nanny moved into a house manager role when youngest started school. She took care of all ordering, groceries, handled kids’ lessons and outside classes, did the kids laundry, prepped food for dinner and made the kids lunches, drove them everywhere - she end kept track of birthday parties and got the gifts and wrapped them!

The ease and relaxation this woman brought to our lives made us better parents. Evenings were stress free (nanny helped the kids with homework!) and weekends were virtually free of errands so we could devote our full attention to the kids.

The previous poster is nuts. Kids don’t derive any benefit from watching a mother go to Costco and rushing to get a birthday gift before a party.

+1000!

Now that our kids are in elementary, our nanny is also a house manager/my assistant. She gets so much stuff done for us so that when we're at home, we're spending all our time just hanging out as a family. We don't have to worry about errands, etc. It is SO nice.

This does sound nice in some ways, although how are kids going to learn to be independent adults if they never see their parents do any errands or cleaning or cooking or laundry or anything?

+1 Family time isn't all quality time and bingo nights and reading by the fire together. Odds are your own kids will be expected to be equal spouses one day who can manage chores with his/her spouse, beyond supervising a house manager.

Kids do need to see adults resolving conflicts, price checking the cereal options at the store, menu planning, unclogging the drain and doing the routine less exciting parts of regular life.

Our kids see both my husband and I cook meals. Both my husband and I take care of the dogs. Both my husband and I fix things around the house. We don't price check food cereal but we're fortunate enough not to have to do so. Our kids get allowances and we talk about money and what things cost, but you're coming up with very specific items that you think need to be done, and I don't think that's the way the world works. If it makes you feel superior to think that people who have nannies who also help with household items are out of touch with reality, then ok. But that isn't the case, either for us or our many friends who have the same arrangement.

No one is feeling superior, but I think the flippant "kids don't derive any benefit from watching a mother go to Costco and rushing to get a birthday gift" needed to be challenged because actually yes, it's important for kids to see adults doing the everyday needed jobs and not to think birthday gifts just appear without any labor.

This is especially important for our sons, they can't just assume someone (often female, often under appreciated) will be doing these things behind the scenes for their behalf.

This is absolutely true. Thank you!

So the nanny is a working woman who is not making a whole lot of money, is she? You can Lean In because of some woman is raising your kids and managing your house...but it is horrible if a SAHM does that? At least the SAHM has more financial security than the nanny, since the DH's earnings is shared with her.