Switching rooms?

[Anonymous]

Are the younger two sharing a bathroom? That's a bigger deal than having the nicest bedroom.

[Anonymous]

I didn't switch with my younger brother, but he never wanted to -- neither of us had an ensuite. Our rooms were very similar. If I was in OP's situation, the middle kid would totally get the nicer room.

What's really funny to me is that my mom recently referred to one of the 2 guest rooms in their retirement house as "my room". It's definitely girlier, and it has a queen bed as opposed to the day bed in the office/3rd bedroom so I prefer that one. I visit more than younger brother and so I usually stay in that room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let the oldest keep her room. She's leaving her whole life behind to go off to college. Let her decide "you know what? I don't need my room anymore - we can switch now."

What if she decides that at 26?

Seriously.

Enshrining the oldest child’s room is a sign of parental immaturity. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree - unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Of course the eldest should move. I’m sort of stunn d by your additude and hers that either of you would’ve even consider otherwise.

My brother moved into my room when I left for college and I had to sleep on the couch and hen I came back for vacations. I did feel displaced, but I never felt unwelcome. It would have been spectacularly selfish for me to think my room should sit empty just so I would get to use it on vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move the oldest, who can use the guest room when she comes back as a guest. Don’t encourage moving back.

This is a completely different issue than the issue presented by OP. Why wouldn't you encourage moving back? Given the cost of housing in today's market, why wouldn't you encourage your kids to move back, save money and build a good financial foundation for themselves? I plan to offer my kids the opportunity to move back home, with the explanation that I expect them to work toward building their financial foundation during that time. They may turn down the offer, but I'll give them the option. Maybe I am ok with this because I'm from a culture where this is common.

NP. I'm perfectly fine with this too. It makes no sense to make a kid move out upon college graduation, when they have no savings and barely any means of income - and that's IF they have a job right away. My brother and I lived at home for a year after graduation, worked, and saved all our money. Then we moved into rentals with our friends. There's no way you can do that if you have no savings and are living paycheck to paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move the oldest, who can use the guest room when she comes back as a guest. Don’t encourage moving back.

This is a completely different issue than the issue presented by OP. Why wouldn't you encourage moving back? Given the cost of housing in today's market, why wouldn't you encourage your kids to move back, save money and build a good financial foundation for themselves? I plan to offer my kids the opportunity to move back home, with the explanation that I expect them to work toward building their financial foundation during that time. They may turn down the offer, but I'll give them the option. Maybe I am ok with this because I'm from a culture where this is common.

NP. I'm perfectly fine with this too. It makes no sense to make a kid move out upon college graduation, when they have no savings and barely any means of income - and that's IF they have a job right away. My brother and I lived at home for a year after graduation, worked, and saved all our money. Then we moved into rentals with our friends. There's no way you can do that if you have no savings and are living paycheck to paycheck.

You guys are all missing the point. It does not matter if she moves back after college or not. Either way it makes sense to let the other children use the space.

1) suppose she comes back after 4 or 5 years at college. Guess what? Her sisters will both be in college - she can have the room back! Plus, both sisters will have gotten to use the nicest room while they finished high school.

2) Suppose she never needs to move back home. Wouldn’t you be glad that the other children got to use the room too? Wouldn’t you feel silly that you turned the room into a shrine to her childhood?

No matter what your daughter ends up doing after college, preserving her room won’t change the outcome. It’ll just stunt you emotionally and create bad blood between the sisters.

[Anonymous]

I would wait til after first year of college. She can't keep her childhood room forever, but you want her to be happy when she comes home. And it will increase the chances she stays home for a good amount of time next summer (which I assume you want!)

[Anonymous]

I'd switch them. My family did this when older sister went to college. She and I had similar size bedrooms and younger brother had a very small room. He got sister's room and when she came home to visit she took the small room. Nobody had an issue with it, even when sister ended up moving home for a year after college and continue to use the small bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was am only child! My room was MY ROOM even after I got married. I kept it until they sold the house.

This is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d let the older child have the room for one more year, then have them swap next summer. Middle child gets better room for senior year of high school, older child gets to still have a place to return to during her freshman year. By the end of that year it should be easier to let go of the room, as she’ll be more established in college.

When I was a kid, I had to wait a year before taking over my brother's room. But there were 5 years between us and so I still had the big room for 4 years. In this case, with only 2 years, I think it's pretty crappy for the oldest to hold onto the best room with an ensuite for a year. The middle child, already often short shrifted, only gets a year in the best room and probably has to move again if the youngest changes his mind and does want the big room when he turns 16 and both sisters are off to college.

Swap the older two. If youngest chooses the big room when he's 16, then middle child gets the smallest room and youngest gets the biggest, so that the oldest doesn't have to move again.

[Anonymous]

I adored my family and still do, but in college, when I was home on breaks I was either hanging out with my friends or working. I didn't care that much about moving into my younger sister's old room because I was only in it to sleep anyway.

Mom did paint and recarpet it, and moved all my old high school mementoes into the new room, so at least it didn't feel like I was being shoved into my sister's space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move the oldest, who can use the guest room when she comes back as a guest. Don’t encourage moving back.

This is a completely different issue than the issue presented by OP. Why wouldn't you encourage moving back? Given the cost of housing in today's market, why wouldn't you encourage your kids to move back, save money and build a good financial foundation for themselves? I plan to offer my kids the opportunity to move back home, with the explanation that I expect them to work toward building their financial foundation during that time. They may turn down the offer, but I'll give them the option. Maybe I am ok with this because I'm from a culture where this is common.

NP. I'm perfectly fine with this too. It makes no sense to make a kid move out upon college graduation, when they have no savings and barely any means of income - and that's IF they have a job right away. My brother and I lived at home for a year after graduation, worked, and saved all our money. Then we moved into rentals with our friends. There's no way you can do that if you have no savings and are living paycheck to paycheck.

You guys are all missing the point. It does not matter if she moves back after college or not. Either way it makes sense to let the other children use the space.

1) suppose she comes back after 4 or 5 years at college. Guess what? Her sisters will both be in college - she can have the room back! Plus, both sisters will have gotten to use the nicest room while they finished high school.

2) Suppose she never needs to move back home. Wouldn’t you be glad that the other children got to use the room too? Wouldn’t you feel silly that you turned the room into a shrine to her childhood?

No matter what your daughter ends up doing after college, preserving her room won’t change the outcome. It’ll just stunt you emotionally and create bad blood between the sisters.

We aren't missing the point. I bolded what I was responding to, which was a pp saying not to encourage moving back home. I acknowledged that this was an entirely different issue than the one OP posed, but was curious why encouraging moving back home is a problem.

[Anonymous]

She should have a dedicated bedroom if you have space for it but no, not the room with private bath and other benefits. Totally ridiculous to think that the one who doesn't even live there anymore shouldn't switch to the smallest one. I'm frankly shocked that you have to wonder about it. And I'm also pretty confident that your kids won't have a strong relationship long after you're gone. The older one is spoiled rotten and the middle one gets looked over.

[Anonymous]

A week after living away from home, your oldest will be over the whole going home again thing. She might not be over the power play dynamic which is why you should move the middle kid up and eventually, out as well. Your kids don’t own their rooms unless they are helping with the mortgage. Time to remind them that not all choices are theirs’ alone.

[Anonymous]

Everyone who lives there 24-7 should get the upgrade.

That is what’s fair to the younger ones.