Switching rooms?

[Anonymous]

We have 3 teens, 18,16 and 14. The oldest is going off to university and she has the most desirable kid bedroom in the house (en-suite bath, patio off the room etc.) The middle child assumed she would be getting the oldest child’s room, unbeknownst to me. The middle also has a nice room which is larger than the oldests room. The oldest kid says no way my stuff is staying here and I will return for all holidays etc. Normally I see issues very clearly, but honestly I see both sides to this one. This may not seem like a big deal but it has been the topic of conversion for a few weeks and I have to make a decision. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would swap them. The oldest can be accommodated in the less desirable room during her holiday visits home. She may want to cull/Kondo her belongings before she leaves. You can offer to have her cull and move herself now or have you cull and box then move them after she leaves. Be sure to tell the 18 year old and the 16 year old that the 14 year old will take over the desirable room when the middle child leaves for college.

[Anonymous]

I would have them switch but wait until after the first trip home. On that first time home, she should go back to her childhood room.

[Anonymous]

I would let the oldest keep her room. She's leaving her whole life behind to go off to college. Let her decide "you know what? I don't need my room anymore - we can switch now."

[Anonymous]

My kids are the same age and the eldest leaves for school later this month. I decided that middle kid can have eldest kid’s room. Eldest kid has spent the last few weeks boxing up clothes and books to donate to goodwill, storing keepsakes in bins, and packing for school. This way, the eldest can decide the fate of each item while at home as opposed to others doing it.

Eldest will be mainly away - so keeping it as a shrine didn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

I think its fair to have the kids swap rooms if she is only there summers and holidays. I'd offer to redo a smaller room to a more grown up room as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let the oldest keep her room. She's leaving her whole life behind to go off to college. Let her decide "you know what? I don't need my room anymore - we can switch now."

What if she decides that at 26?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have them switch but wait until after the first trip home. On that first time home, she should go back to her childhood room.

To symbolize she is still a child despite three months of no curfew?

[Anonymous]

Of course the middle kid should get the nicer room! Are your middle and youngest sharing a bathroom now? If yes, it’s really silly to enshrine the other room when your other children could use it.

Look at it this way: After all your kids have left for college are you going to keep their rooms as is in perpetuity? What if you needed a guest room? Or an office? Or a work out room? It’s incredibly wasteful to keep these spaces as a shrine to your kids childhoods. It’s unhealthy. Don’t go down this rabbit hole, set a good example now.

[Anonymous]

I would NOT switch rooms. That will make your eldest feel as if you are kicking them out/making them unwelcome at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have them switch but wait until after the first trip home. On that first time home, she should go back to her childhood room.

So, instead of switching rooms in summer when they have all the time in the world, they should switch in the middle of the school year during Thanksgiving when both are busy with school, sports, family and friends. Yeah. That makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT switch rooms. That will make your eldest feel as if you are kicking them out/making them unwelcome at home.

The child won’t homeless. They had their turn with the prime real estate. Do they get to use it part time 4 more years simply by virtual of birth order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would swap them. The oldest can be accommodated in the less desirable room during her holiday visits home. She may want to cull/Kondo her belongings before she leaves. You can offer to have her cull and move herself now or have you cull and box then move them after she leaves. Be sure to tell the 18 year old and the 16 year old that the 14 year old will take over the desirable room when the middle child leaves for college.

This.

I know you’re emotional about your first child going to college but it makes no sense to bar her sisters from using the house they live in because you’re feeling emotional and you want to pretend she still lives there. Plus it’s kind of nice that each kid will get to have the nice room with an en-suite bathroom during their senior year of high school.

[Anonymous]

I’d let the older child have the room for one more year, then have them swap next summer. Middle child gets better room for senior year of high school, older child gets to still have a place to return to during her freshman year. By the end of that year it should be easier to let go of the room, as she’ll be more established in college.

[Anonymous]

I think you should switch. Why leave a perfectly good room go to waste? Explain as others have said youngest get the room when middle goes