When would you allow your kids to stay home all day every day in the summer?

[Anonymous]

Under the circumstances you describe, no, I wouldn't agree to it. I stayed at home alone in NYC all summer when I was 12, but I liked to read, and could and did walk to a local park to meet up with kids in the neighborhood every day.

[Anonymous]

Likely never. No good comes from being idle and alone a whole summer. Internet stuff, too much eating, not enough exercise.

I am an introvert too and didn’t like camps. So I completely get where your kid is coming from.

How about a mix? I moved my kid to half day camps. That gives him structure and freedom. But I work close enough to the house I can do the transport at lunch time.

I also let him have the week after school ends, and the week before school starts, off from camps or other structured activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think 13 or 14 in theory but agree with PPs that staying home alone for 10-12 weeks straight is a bad idea. He needs to have things to do outside of the house or with his peers.

+1 how is this supposed to help him mature in any way. For 2 months your going to let your son be a shut in?

I don’t think a child should ever be allowed to stay home for that long without consistent interaction friends or plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am an introvert who spends huge amounts of time alone. I also have an introverted DS who does not do summer camps because he also does not do well with the "start something new with new people" every week. I think there is a big difference between a kid choosing to be home alone because he needs downtime after a busy, thriving year at school, and a kid who stays home alone because there is no where else he feels comfortable and no friends he can connect with. There is not enough detail in your post to know if being home alone is going to be a good introvert recharge time for him, or if it's going to be lonely and sad because it was the only choice he felt comfortable enough to make.

The compromise for my kid, who is 11, is that he is doing a 5 week 1/2 day tutoring program which he needed anyway and at which he will see some friends from school. 3 days a week he also has afternoon or evening activities. One is solo (diving) and the other are groups where the same kids attend every week (one is a group for kids with anxiety/social issues, one is fitness related). A few times a month he also sees friends from school (sometimes they initiate, sometimes we do). The rest of the time he can choose what he wants to do, and it is a lot of staying at home.

I am lucky because I don't work in the summer, so it's easy for me to transport my kid wherever. I just suggest that you reflect a little on why your kid is alone, and if it's because he is anxious or has difficulty making friends, start thinking about how to address that. It might be as serious or structured as therapy, or it might be finding some evening clubs or activities he can do (after you get home from work) that are ongoing and where he can meet some other kids and feel more confident and comfortable getting out of the house and trying new things.

OP, the post above is fantastic advice.

The important thing to know is that “introvert” means that someone recharges their mental batteries alone. They just need alone time during the day. Introverts still need and like socializing. In fact, everyone of all ages needs to be socializing outside the family several times per week for mental health and happiness. If your child is alone a lot and avoiding social situations, that’s not introversion. That’s something else like social anxiety or having trouble with social pragmatics.

The trick is to find the right summer activity for your child. Coordinating with existing friends could make a big difference. Also, it doesn’t need to be a camp. Your kiddo could volunteer or do an academic experience. Finding a good cultural fit can help, so you might want to tour day camps this season, if possible, to see if any appeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not asking when can a child stay home alone for short periods of time. I'm talking about a responsible kid who can definitely stay home alone for a few hours at a time. He's pretty introverted, so does not like camps, but parents work. He doesn't know other kids in the neighborhood. When would you let him spend the summer basically alone?

Never. Not to be helicoptery, but for mental health and academic reasons. If not camp, then some other outside activity like volunteering or working. My yMS DC gets three weeks like what you describe and they are separated by weeks of camp and other structured outside activities. I’m sure some vegging happens on the off weeks, but they provide time to do summer hw.